sobersolstice

For those who have relapsed many times and have managed a year or more sober, what was the breaking point, or mental shift that gave you the 'confidence' and steadfastness to remain sober?

I feel like I need to restructure my life completely to stop drinking due to the fact that so much of my recreational life is part of it. I just hate the lack of freedom to drive, go do things on a whim with friends, feeling I need a drink before a date, or even meeting with people. I'm late to time sensitive things because I feel I need to chug a few beers before going to some event.

How did you configure your life and mental state in order to say "I'm done for good"? I've said this on many a hangover day, but then I begin feeling better and repeat the vicious cycle.

I'm eating healthier and getting out more; I'm drinking less, but still find it a problem, which could get out of hand at times. I'm better at limiting myself and am rarely hungover anymore, but I still feel cloudy and dull. I'm drinking 5-6 light beers a day on avg. This is a problem because I know I have an alcohol addiction, and it's catching up to me on a health level. I used to be far worse and was hungover everyday, so it's a step in the right direction (maybe), but I know I need to cut it out to be the strongest version of myself.

What was your breaking point and what methodologies did you employ to make it work?

Yesterday was my birthday, and friends (who drink occasionally) that couldn't make it are offering to take me to bars over the weekend. I have the hardest time saying no, because I'm honestly lonely quite a bit. Just turned 40, no family, no gf... a little bummed out.

doggonecarl

Quit viewing sobriety as punishment for not being able to drink.

ChloeRose63

There was no breaking point. I just got sick and tired of the way I was living and the lifestyle I was choosing. I looked in the mirror and did not like the person I had become. I chose to become better and the alcohol had to go. I took control.

thomas11

I had a catastrophic injury that launched my sobriety journey, but it was long overdue. I played with fire hanging on to my marriage and my business for years. I knew I needed to quit drinking and clean up my act but like many was in denial. So when I got hurt, I thought I'd better put my plan into action. I have no regrets whatsoever, but even at 22 months I slipped one afternoon. So next month will be 2 years with one afternoon of drinks with parents.

RightAngled

I had no final straw. What I professed to be rock bottoms at the time only got worse. If life was a movie I guess there would be a dramatic incident or some clear revelation but there was none. I don't really feel I gave up alcohol, more that alcohol gave up on me. Even the knowledge it was sure to kill me had no effect. I guess I got to the point where I was actually bored with myself. I guess I'm saying it was a gradually worsening process with many horrible and ever worsening incidents than a specific singularly dramatic incident. A also think luck, circumstance and synchronicity played their role.

That's just my own experience. I know many people who would tell you different. As a previous poster has said it is that feeling of being sick and tired with being sick and tired.

Misc72

The pain of drinking must outweigh the pleasure of drinking and then it just happens...

August252015

I knew - accepted- that I would die if I kept drinking.

I chose an uncertain and initially painful process and no idea of what my future MIGHT be, over a CERTAIN death by drinking.

Midwest1981

I was getting into a lot of trouble with it. I was acting out towards other people because I wasn't happy with my life and it always came out when I was drinking. No real major rock bottom but I was tired of what the alcohol was doing to me. I was tired of the back and forth with it. Then I decided to put sobriety first and do whatever it took to break the cycle. Lots of self care and putting me first.

Flinders39

For me ..I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Mizzuno

This go round I am almost 6 months sober. I have managed one year sober, twice throughout this last decade.

For me, my mental, emotional, spiritual and physical states were ill. I was hurting on many levels. I had to promote change, as I was the biggest problem in my life. I also felt dull. I resorted to drinking daily. One bottle of wine, every single day. It was awful.

I broke. My mental state broke. My emotional state broke. I blacked out. I had been fighting the alcoholism for a few years and trying to maintain. Maintaining was not working anymore.

So, a few days shy of 6 months and I can honestly say that I feel free. Stable. Grounded. Healthy. I am 100 % healthier and more motivated in my life.

I dont miss out on anything. The idea of drinking rarely comes into my thinking. If it does, I think about how bad off I was and how terrible I felt.

I know I dont have a year but I do have something to contribute.

ScottFromWI

It was a choice I made, not an external event. I definitely had bad consequences from my drinking, but if you wait for something to cause or force you quit it will never happen. And yes you will need to restructure many areas of your life...but all of those things will improve It, not take away from it.

FarToGo

Very good thread, thank you.
I'd worried about my drinking for many years and had tried various ways to control it, I guess that's a common habit in order not to face the problem.
My turning point was a combination of things, I was stuck in a bad relationship (not for the first time in my life), I was drinking to cope, but realised it was just making me more stuck. I had a big birthday looming and my future just looked so awful, so grim. I didn't have any answers, but knew that to carry on drinking meant nothing good or positive change pretty impossible.
I did white knuckle abstinence for the first two weeks, lots of exercise, lots of non alcoholic drinks, lots of reading up on alcoholism..... Just anything in order to avoid drinking... I was lucky, a few benefits kicked in really soon ( clear eyes, better sleep, clear skin.... ) and I clung to these for dear life and began the process of building a non drinking life. Still working on it, but wouldn't go back for the world.
Good luck to you.
Xx

badlands

What makes this time feel different for me (and it has not been long thus far, and there is a long way to go) was the withdrawal effects I had at work. Previously I had always been able to recover with one good nights sleep. Not so after this last bender- the effects lingered for days. I can no longer deny the level of my addiction, and its the first thing I think of every morning.

dwtbd

What was the final straw?

Looking for the final straw.

You say you want to , all your better judgements point to the fact you should. Do it , quit for good full stop, you can. Looking for some undefined but somehow specific event /circumstance is your AV keeping the booze train alive, you have the power to stop that, you need to stop ' listening' to the AV , IT will always say it's not yet time.

Sammie7

Hi Mizunno do you mind me asking did you still get the same effect from drinking a bottle of wine as time went on? I started drinking wine in the house about 11 years ago and quite often could not finish the bottle, unfortunately I can now drink two bottles. Thankfully I do have periods of sobriety but max 3 months. If I drink, nothing less than two bottles will suffice. I went to an aa meeting last Sunday and I am really hoping that this will help.

LeeJane

I got utterly sick to death of being trapped in the daily drinking pattern.

leanabeana

I haven't been sober for anything close to a year, but the final straw for me was when I was diagnosed with multiple ulcers and I couldn't abstain from alcohol to help them heal. I also had high liver enzymes. It was the cold hard truth of medical reality that turned things around for me.

least

I was sick of waking up feeling horrible and hating myself.

SereneEdition

I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

That said, I had a moment in my 30s when I decided that for the first time that I would like to have a partner, but I realized that I wouldn't want myself as a partner, which would never do. It was that 'ah ha' moment that gave me clarity on what the drinking was really costing me in terms of lifelong happiness. So I stop drinking and started working on myself to be the type of person that I would want to have as my own partner.

I improved me for my own benefit though, not b/c I was actively trying to find an SO. In fact I held off on dating for over a year. I was lucky in that I met "the one" during that self improvement period and he recognized that I was worth waiting for.

Please don't wait for dramatic tragedy. It is a progressive disease, and in the meantime your enjoying only a fraction of life's riches. If you know in your soul that you need to stop, why not make the choice to stop and stay stopped now.

Good luck!

PhoenixJ

I burnt to death, revived 3 times. Blackout.