icandothis20

So. Yesterday I went to my first ever AA meeting. I loved it, I was happy, and couldn't wait to go back.

I did recognize two people that I knew there. I could tell one was apprehensive to share to much info as to what got her there.. as she knows my family well.

However, Me and my mom are really close and she wanted to hear how it went. I told her that I told a bit of my story. And that I knew someone there and that she did to, but didn't tell her who as I am well aware it is anonymous.

She then immediately wrote back, Oh no... you didn't throw us under the bus did you??

I felt like I was an embarrassment, and like should I just give up.. why am I there, made me feel ashamed to see anyone else I know... embarrassed of my story, and embarrassed I am an alcoholic.

I talked with Fiance about it and I am feeling better, and realize it is my own moms reputation that she is trying to protect, but made me feel pretty alone... as my family life is the main reason I started drinking in the first place... and she knows that.

Sigh... has anyone else ever felt this way?

AnvilheadII

maybe you don't have to reveal everything to your mom? if she has her own agenda (and who doesn't??) it might be best to share less about your journey.

doggonecarl

Unpleasant feelings and emotions are probably why many an alcoholic drank, so it makes sense that facing those feelings and emotions sober would have our minds turn to drink.

I learned that unpleasant feelings can be lived through. Coming out of feelings of shame without drinking will make it easier to deal with the next time.

icandothis20

Thats my plan from now on... not to share so much of this journey with her.... I think I learnt a valuable lesson today!

Andagain

Perhaps my opinion might be a touch controversial here but I think this is a case of what she doesn't know won't hurt her. She doesn't need to know what you talk about in your AA meetings and there's no reason for you to feel ashamed as you're not negatively influencing her life in any sense. As long as you're being honest I wouldn't worry about a thing. You have a right to discuss your life as frankly as you wish.

ReadyAtLast

hi,
you have no reason to feel ashamed. how your mother feels is her business not yours.

maybe don't tell her as much in future. glad the meeting went well.

Gabe1980

I'm remembering what you wrote in your last post about how well the meeting went, how accepted you felt and how much some of the members stories resonated with you. That's the real stuff to hold on to. The problems we all have with alcohol is nothing to be ashamed of and I think going to your first meeting was brave first step. Nobody's life would stand up to scrutiny if we look hard enough! Just wanted to say....x

bluedog97

I agree, family members oftentimes have competing agendas. That's the case with me, as my family would rather me not go to AA (if I keep drinking, who cares) than "throw them under the bus" like you say. Family members can be incredibly selfish, I know that first hand. I hope you find the support you need and learn to share with others only what may be in your best interest. Thanks for the post