Options for Getting Sober Without AA
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 4
Options for Getting Sober Without AA
Hi Everyone,
Today is Day 1, following a horrific relapse that lasted just over 2 months.
I have tried AA multiple times and managed to string together about a couple of years without drinking twice. The other times, I lasted just under a year. However, this time I am looking into different options to achieve lasting sobriety.
Granted, I do think the 12 steps are something to keep in mind, because they provide a responsible method of living and interacting positively with others. Also, there are a number of AA members that the program works well for.
Has anyone out there achieved successful sobriety, serenity, and are leading a great life by quitting drinking without AA?
Best regards,
A
Today is Day 1, following a horrific relapse that lasted just over 2 months.
I have tried AA multiple times and managed to string together about a couple of years without drinking twice. The other times, I lasted just under a year. However, this time I am looking into different options to achieve lasting sobriety.
Granted, I do think the 12 steps are something to keep in mind, because they provide a responsible method of living and interacting positively with others. Also, there are a number of AA members that the program works well for.
Has anyone out there achieved successful sobriety, serenity, and are leading a great life by quitting drinking without AA?
Best regards,
A
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Of course, many of us have recovered using a variety of methods. This link has lots of ideas, programs and methods for recovery:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
Yes. Most folks that get sober, get sober without AA. AA is just the most predominate organized group. I am not saying this as a bad thing against AA at all. It just far from corners the market of folks that have achieved sobriety. I find that I do better without AA. The time I spent there however had value, just as other experiences in my life. The only sure way to achieve sobriety is to stop ingesting alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
I second that Totfit , I had AA in my life for a spell too,learned atlot and made some freinds . Its comforting to know that everyone is in this together with a common goal to stop drinking and stay stopped whether in AA or not .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 4
Thank you very much for the responses!
This comes as a huge relief at a much needed time. Between what I've heard at meetings for years, and from what others I know have been drilling at me is that I am basically doomed without the help of AA and getting to lots of meetings.
I picked up the drink about 2 months ago following a bad breakup. Before that, I had been sober about a year and going to meetings. The thing is, I was not hearing a positive message at those meetings (I know, some meetings are better than others) and the only time I thought about drinking was when I was at those meetings.
Going to the meetings did help get the ball rolling, no doubt about it. I just am looking for an alternative and am glad to see that they exist.
A
This comes as a huge relief at a much needed time. Between what I've heard at meetings for years, and from what others I know have been drilling at me is that I am basically doomed without the help of AA and getting to lots of meetings.
I picked up the drink about 2 months ago following a bad breakup. Before that, I had been sober about a year and going to meetings. The thing is, I was not hearing a positive message at those meetings (I know, some meetings are better than others) and the only time I thought about drinking was when I was at those meetings.
Going to the meetings did help get the ball rolling, no doubt about it. I just am looking for an alternative and am glad to see that they exist.
A
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
The thing is, I was not hearing a positive message at those meetings (I know, some meetings are better than others) and the only time I thought about drinking was when I was at those meetings.
did YOU share anything positive at those meetings? that sounds accusatory, sorry........did you attend meetings other than beginner/open meetings? or work the actual program?
i ask because there is a difference between sitting and listening.....and actively participating. WHATEVER path you choose, it will REQUIRE you full participation. no cruising, coasting or free passes. As Jean Luc Piccard said ENGAGE!
did YOU share anything positive at those meetings? that sounds accusatory, sorry........did you attend meetings other than beginner/open meetings? or work the actual program?
i ask because there is a difference between sitting and listening.....and actively participating. WHATEVER path you choose, it will REQUIRE you full participation. no cruising, coasting or free passes. As Jean Luc Piccard said ENGAGE!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
There is a bunch all listed on this site: See the far right margins.
Recovery Programs
Faith-based Treatment
12 Step Related Program
Non-12 Step Program
Holistic Treatment
Family Treatment
Under 30 Days Treatment
30-60 Days Treatment
60-90 Days Treatment
Pet-Friendly
Recovery Programs
Faith-based Treatment
12 Step Related Program
Non-12 Step Program
Holistic Treatment
Family Treatment
Under 30 Days Treatment
30-60 Days Treatment
60-90 Days Treatment
Pet-Friendly
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Lots of people get sober without AA! Have a look around the Secular Connections forum here on SR, there's lots of information about AVRT, Refuge Recovery, SMART. The majority of people get sober on their own and without AA. Personally, I used AVRT to beat my addiction, it made the most sense to me and I liked that it has no strings attached, no endless meetings, no religion, no sponsors, just freedom from alcoholism that I achieved myself by learning to recognize and disassociate from my Addictive Voice. I had tried AA, WFS, counseling, out-patient meetings, vitamins, diets, books, MM..... nothing worked until I learned about AVRT and finally understood why my mind kept talking me into drinking even though I knew how much it was costing me and how it was devastating my life. I had to master my own mind to break free and AVRT showed me how.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hi GetItInGear 
I 'just' used SR...but that simple statement hides a lot of hard work
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
I reckon the main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is do something.
You'll get out of your recovery exactly what you put into it
D
I 'just' used SR...but that simple statement hides a lot of hard work
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
I reckon the main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is do something.
You'll get out of your recovery exactly what you put into it
D
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
My experience has been so far that AA is very useful, particularly in early recovery, I'm 120 days in. So far I've been attending, listening to stories, sharing my story, etc. I haven't gotten a sponsor or started working the steps. I may do this when I am finished with my outpatient treatment, or I may not. The program is cognitive/behavioral group and individual therapy based, dual diagnosis (everyone has a mental health diagnosis), and lasts 8 weeks. CBT is usually time limited in this manner, as it teaches you how to deal with irrational and negative thoughts, which are often immediate triggers for drinking. The 30 day rehab I did was 12 step based, and I started attending AA meetings shortly after discharge.
The Founder/Director of my outpatient program is a highly respected academic in the addiction recovery field, has a ton of published work, and does some clinical practice as a psychiatrist. Plus he's charismatic as all hell, and gives an hour lecture every week, and is himself a recovering heroin addict. Last weeks was on AA (and a short discussion of Bipolar Disorder). His take on addiction is that, for the most part, addicts use their DOC to avoid underlying emotional trauma, as well to self medicate through various mental health disorders. When using, the underlying trauma is numbed away by substance abuse, but our lives become unmanageable due to the consequences of our substance abuse.
Substances are very effective at dealing with emotional pain. They work extremely well. Too well, and unfortunately the consequences of use are very negative and drastic. Sobriety brings an end to the negative consequences, but we no longer have a way to numb out the underlying causes that caused us to drink or use in the first place. So we're kind of stuck in a very uncomfortable and painful limbo, and this is where a lot of people relapse. Only by healing the underlying mental health issues (if any) and emotional trauma can we remain comfortably sober.
His take on AA is that it's very useful, particularly in early recovery, and that we should take or leave whatever parts of AA we find useful. AA is fairly effective at helping people remain sober, about the same as other secular methods. However, to stay sober, you need to remain in 12 step programs, and probably the secular programs as well. The steps are very useful in spiritual growth, particularly 4 & 9 and 12, but even the best sponsor cannot get to the individual cause of the emotional trauma, and they shouldn't anyway, as they're not trained in psychodynamic therapy.
What he said resonates with me, and I don't particularly want to be in AA for the rest of my life. For now I go, do a lot of listening and sharing, and revel in the community. It's that community that may keep me there for years, and I've met a number of great people. As far as the rest, I am doing psychodynamic therapy work, and already have a therapist picked out, who is also gay and male (I need to deal with a lot of father issues that I haven't touched yet). I think that this approach combined with AA, however I work it, is very powerful, and have no plans at this time to stop going to meetings. I'm also taking my Buddhist practice very seriously, as I also am finding that, for me, the spiritual side must be addressed.
I don't believe that the only path to continued sobriety is 12 step programs, nor do I have to do anything in these programs that doesn't work for me as long as I'm doing something else to deal with the root causes of my substance abuse. If I were just planning on doing AA, I do believe that I would need to work the whole program. I also don't believe that AA orthodoxy and the Big Book should be treated like the inerrant word of God. Back when the Big Book was written and AA was started, there really was no alternative. In 2017, there are alternatives.
This is simply my story so far, and what I think will work for me. Time will tell, because one thing that I DO believe, without question, is that substance abuse is an extremely powerful enemy and sobriety must be maintained, it doesn't just happen or get "fixed." AA and other 12 step programs have worked extremely well for millions of people, many of whom have maintained sobriety for decades. By no means am I knocking AA, I just don't think it's a good fit for me.
The Founder/Director of my outpatient program is a highly respected academic in the addiction recovery field, has a ton of published work, and does some clinical practice as a psychiatrist. Plus he's charismatic as all hell, and gives an hour lecture every week, and is himself a recovering heroin addict. Last weeks was on AA (and a short discussion of Bipolar Disorder). His take on addiction is that, for the most part, addicts use their DOC to avoid underlying emotional trauma, as well to self medicate through various mental health disorders. When using, the underlying trauma is numbed away by substance abuse, but our lives become unmanageable due to the consequences of our substance abuse.
Substances are very effective at dealing with emotional pain. They work extremely well. Too well, and unfortunately the consequences of use are very negative and drastic. Sobriety brings an end to the negative consequences, but we no longer have a way to numb out the underlying causes that caused us to drink or use in the first place. So we're kind of stuck in a very uncomfortable and painful limbo, and this is where a lot of people relapse. Only by healing the underlying mental health issues (if any) and emotional trauma can we remain comfortably sober.
His take on AA is that it's very useful, particularly in early recovery, and that we should take or leave whatever parts of AA we find useful. AA is fairly effective at helping people remain sober, about the same as other secular methods. However, to stay sober, you need to remain in 12 step programs, and probably the secular programs as well. The steps are very useful in spiritual growth, particularly 4 & 9 and 12, but even the best sponsor cannot get to the individual cause of the emotional trauma, and they shouldn't anyway, as they're not trained in psychodynamic therapy.
What he said resonates with me, and I don't particularly want to be in AA for the rest of my life. For now I go, do a lot of listening and sharing, and revel in the community. It's that community that may keep me there for years, and I've met a number of great people. As far as the rest, I am doing psychodynamic therapy work, and already have a therapist picked out, who is also gay and male (I need to deal with a lot of father issues that I haven't touched yet). I think that this approach combined with AA, however I work it, is very powerful, and have no plans at this time to stop going to meetings. I'm also taking my Buddhist practice very seriously, as I also am finding that, for me, the spiritual side must be addressed.
I don't believe that the only path to continued sobriety is 12 step programs, nor do I have to do anything in these programs that doesn't work for me as long as I'm doing something else to deal with the root causes of my substance abuse. If I were just planning on doing AA, I do believe that I would need to work the whole program. I also don't believe that AA orthodoxy and the Big Book should be treated like the inerrant word of God. Back when the Big Book was written and AA was started, there really was no alternative. In 2017, there are alternatives.
This is simply my story so far, and what I think will work for me. Time will tell, because one thing that I DO believe, without question, is that substance abuse is an extremely powerful enemy and sobriety must be maintained, it doesn't just happen or get "fixed." AA and other 12 step programs have worked extremely well for millions of people, many of whom have maintained sobriety for decades. By no means am I knocking AA, I just don't think it's a good fit for me.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Lots of people get sober without AA. That is a long standing fact. Such folk are well identified in the alcohol use disorder spectrum. Most of my school friends had a diagnosable alcohol used disorder indistinguishable from my own. Then one day something else caught their attention, captured their imagination, or they got sick of it, and just quit. None of them were or are alcoholic. They fit a diagnostic model for a while and then grew out of it..
There are a small minority at the extreme end of the AUD spectrum for whom there is no other solution than some kind of conversion experience. Before AA, such recoveries were extremely rare, nearly all of these folk went insane or died. Today, if they don't get the AA thing, they still go insane or die. It is not hard to find the institutions where these people are kept once they lose the mental capacity to survive in the world. I have visited many, was once almost permanently locked up myself.
So yes many can recover on their own, but not all, and there are also those who never recover.
As the AA book says, "whether or not you can recover on a non spiritual basis will depend on the extent to which you have already lost the power to choose whether you will drink or not."
Once you work that one out, you will have a personalized answer to your question.
There are a small minority at the extreme end of the AUD spectrum for whom there is no other solution than some kind of conversion experience. Before AA, such recoveries were extremely rare, nearly all of these folk went insane or died. Today, if they don't get the AA thing, they still go insane or die. It is not hard to find the institutions where these people are kept once they lose the mental capacity to survive in the world. I have visited many, was once almost permanently locked up myself.
So yes many can recover on their own, but not all, and there are also those who never recover.
As the AA book says, "whether or not you can recover on a non spiritual basis will depend on the extent to which you have already lost the power to choose whether you will drink or not."
Once you work that one out, you will have a personalized answer to your question.
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