Something weird I just realized..
 

I've denied my addiction for the last ten years. Three days ago I admitted my problem to myself and ever since then I've spent a lot of time thinking over most of my life. Now, I know it's only been 26 hours since I had my last drink, and I've been without for much longer in the past (never intending to quit for good, though), but it seems different this time for some reason. And I realize now, too, that I've always looked at my problems through the denial of my addiction (which I now realize I've always denied b/c of my low self-esteem... I didn't want to appear as someone with a weakness), so it was really unclear how all of these events were related. My bout with panic disorder in my late teens, which lead to my bout with depression, which lead to my drinking problem, which lead to my anxiety disorder. But for some reason, and I'm sure this is nothing new to most of you, just admitting that I have a problem has been so cathartic. It's put my past into perspective for me. It's put my future into perspective for me. Things seem more clear.

So, yeah. I lot of mumbled nonsense, but maybe someone can decipher it. Just felt like I needed to say that. I'm going for another walk.

No nonsense there. It is definitely a relief to finally surrender to the beast of addiction. Now the work begins.

Glad you are feeling good about your decision to ask for help.

Hugs--

I agree with Lulu, no nonsense at all. It is great to finally find out that we are sick people (we have a disease) rather than bad people. Now on to the road of recovery, one day at a time.

Sherry

Hello David, Not nonsense at all! Admiting that we need help is very humbling. And thats a good thing. Because when we are humble we are more teachable. I know it feels crummy, but its a step in the right direction!

We can only surrender by honestly admitting our powerlessness and accepting our disease. This begins the process of accepting ourselves. You have begun your process and are on the right track. Find meetings in your area and begin attending. There will be people there who can help you and we will be here to help you too. Welcome! Keep coming back.





'You who are on the road, must have a code that you can live by. And so, become yourself, because the past, is just a good-bye.'

http://spiritualkarma.com/images/small_logo.jpg

Stepping Through Life...

Thanks, everyone. I'm glad to have the support. It's really making this seem possible.

Hey, is there a chat room here or something? I wouldn't mind 'meeting' some of the people that frequent the boards.

- Dave

Hi Dave and glad you are here. Everything you said in your original post was not at all new to me.

I blamed anxiety, panic attacks, depression and complete lack of interest in a lot of things on everything BUT the alcohol. Once I finally made the decision to quit....and admit to the problem...it WAS different. I too had quit many times before but always for other reasons besides because I admitted I had a problem and that I am an alcoholic. It felt different for me too.

I know I could not have stayed sober for the last 60+ days if it were not for the fact that I humbly admit that I have a problem and I can't solve it alone.

Anyway, glad you are here! Jalyn

(((Dave13)))

Welcome to SR. It's great to have you join us. Did you find the chat room yet? My name is LeAnne and I've had a drinking problem for 20+ years. I'm coming up on 4 months sober with the help of AA and SR. I can relate to the anxiety. Alcohol fuels anxiety. Since I've quit drinking, it isn't a problem any longer. Hey, I look forward to seeing you around the boards. Take care...

(((Jalyn)))

It's good to see you again. I'm glad you're doing well and staying busy. Sorry about the avatars. Good news is...Halloween is nearly over, bad news is...I have many more creepy avatars. Halloween used to be my thing. My whole family really got into the holiday. We would win all the contests with our costumes. It's a genetic thing.

LeAnne

Honesty with self does do that and yes the future looks great. I think you are seeing that already. Sober is so much better. Life still happens but sober I can deal with it.
Who would ever think...
It takes strength to say we are weak.
It takes seeing we are weak to win
and with each lightbulb moment like the one you have found, you will see your self-esteem grow and find you strength increase.
Profound
When we say we are weak we grow strength.
There is a Christian song with words...
When you see me on my knees, it isn't that I am weak but that I am getting stronger.

Who would ever have thought that when we can find humbleness, we will find wisdom and strength at the same time.

Welcome to SR. It's great to have you join us. Did you find the chat room yet? My name is LeAnne and I've had a drinking problem for 20+ years. I'm coming up on 4 months sober with the help of AA and SR. I can relate to the anxiety. Alcohol fuels anxiety. Since I've quit drinking, it isn't a problem any longer. Hey, I look forward to seeing you around the boards. Take care...

Thanks for your post, LeAnne. It made me feel much better about quitting. I'm also glad I found SR and I have recently acquired an AA meeting list, so I will soon be attending those as well.

No, I haven't found the chat rooms yet. This board is kinda odd compared to others that I visit. I'll look around and see what I can find. Congrats on the 4 months and nice to meet you!

Hi Dave and glad you are here. Everything you said in your original post was not at all new to me.

Hi, Jalyn, I'm glad I am here, too. Glad you could make sense out of my post. Congrats on the 60+ days. I haven't been sober that long since I was in high school.

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The links at the top of the screen. The one that says chat will bring you to the java chat. Will need to register there separate from the boards. Can use the same name and password I believe. Just runs as a separate program so a separate log in is required.