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How many times?

Old 09-04-2017, 09:37 PM
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How many times?

This is a question for those who have been on the sober journey for a while. I am curious how many times the "successful" people started and ran into issues in the sober journey. I put successful in quotes because I know it is a journey and not a destination. I am curious since so many of us struggle and fail many times. But want to keep trying and will keep trying.
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Old 09-04-2017, 09:57 PM
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I probably tried to give up at least once a week for 15 years.

That part's not really important tho - what is important is that I finally got to the point where I could commit to doing anything but drink...
no matter what the effort ,no matter what the fallout, or how much I had to change about my life.

No matter what ails you, there are always another options besides drinking Done4Ever - and a lot of healthier and more positive options too.

The first drink starts the trouble not the last.
It's the engine that gets you, not the caboose.

D
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Old 09-04-2017, 10:37 PM
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I dont want to discourage anyone but Im the same : I probably tried on and off over the last 10 to 15 years. Im 41, married, one daughter, and 4 weeks sober tomorrow. That was and is my journey.

The thing is, we are all different and the only thing that counts is NOT giving up and getting it right.
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Old 09-04-2017, 10:38 PM
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How about you DOne4ever, how are you getting on ?
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Old 09-04-2017, 11:07 PM
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At the end, I tried every day for ten years. Swearing it off, solemn oaths and reading the Big Book and seeing myself in the stories. Coming here and finally going to AA meetings.
Still I drank.

It took a particularly bad withdrawal to scare me into sobriety.
But all and all it took ten years of serious drinking before I quit. And I was a bad drunk.
If you're worried about yourself, I wouldn't wait and take action now. Whatever that may be.
I went back to AA serious about quitting and this seemingly hopeless drunk has been sober for six years nine months.

I wish you sobriety, if you're trying to quit, and the best.
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Old 09-04-2017, 11:45 PM
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I tried to quit for years. Tried and tried. Then one day seven years ago it stuck. I work daily to keep it that way.
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Old 09-05-2017, 03:42 AM
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Hitting 11months. I'm hesitant to label myself "successful" and jinx things, but that's how it feels.

Hard to give an exact number, I've had so many mornings I woke up committed to being sober only to drink that same evening. A common pattern.

At one point I did count sober "classes" here on sr that I've joined over the past 3 years - 16 classes. Some i made it a day or two, some a few weeks. But I posted a committment to stop drinking in 16 classes before finding one I made stick
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Old 09-05-2017, 06:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Done4Ever View Post
But want to keep trying and will keep trying.
Are you trying anything new? Or is each try just a repeat of the last try? Analyze why your tries are failing. I'm not saying this is the case with you, but we can't let our "trying" be an excuse to fail, as in "I may be drinking, but at least I'm trying to quit."

At some point in the trying, the drink has to be put down. For good. Do everything in your power to get to that point. It's the doing that will get you sober, not the trying.
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Old 09-05-2017, 06:52 AM
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More times than I can count.
But only one time that counted.
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Old 09-05-2017, 07:03 AM
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I came into AA to try to learn how to moderate and control my drinking, and found I could not. I got a month sober and then made a conscious decision to drink because I thought I could manage it. I don't consider it a relapse...I was not ready to get sober. I still had to try everything imaginable to realize that I absolutely could not control my drinking. Once I realized that, I quit for good and have not drank since. It's been hard...especially early on. But now, in my third year, things are good. When I admitted defeat, and realized I could never, ever consume alcohol in safety, I stayed sober.
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Old 09-05-2017, 07:11 AM
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I tried so many times to quit, and alcohol won every time. I came home from a 30 day rehab telling my sister how resolute, happy and strong I felt, but then was drinking two hours later (to my shock and disbelief). This thing is brutal. Even the intention to quit is a major step in the right direction and I greatly admire and support anyone who is in this tough conversation.

I am coming up to six months now and despite a few wobbly days things have become easier; the mental obsession is vastly less than it was when I started, but it's still there and I have to be vigilant, taking actions every single day to keep my head where it needs to be.

For me, I made it stick by writing down exactly what my life looked like with alcohol in it, nothing omitted, complete, raw, truth. I then put this somewhere prominent, referred to it daily (to get present to it) and rattled off a list of things I was grateful for. Simple but very effective for me.

Going from 6-8 bottles of wine a day and a 24/7 obsession to nothing has been an absolute miracle for me...I gave myself zero chance of ever being able to stop, but I have, and I honestly love it. The key for me has been to reject obsession with how many days I have, or have to achieve; just choose not to drink today. The days/weeks/months (and hopefully years) just seem to take care of themselves.
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Old 09-05-2017, 03:52 PM
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I guess I may have "tried" to quit drinking many, many times. But I really only count 3 times where I made a concerted effort that lasted longer than a couple days. The first time I made it 2 weeks. The second time I made it 6 weeks. The last time I decided to put sobriety over everything in my life - including girlfriends, friends, family, jobs, vacations, etc. - and fully commit to it in a way I had previously felt was too extreme. Still sober 18 years later. And all those other things were eventually in better shape than they were when I was drinking.
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Old 09-05-2017, 04:24 PM
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Originally Posted by Done4Ever View Post
This is a question for those who have been on the sober journey for a while. I am curious how many times the "successful" people started and ran into issues in the sober journey. I put successful in quotes because I know it is a journey and not a destination. I am curious since so many of us struggle and fail many times. But want to keep trying and will keep trying.
i ran into a few issues. tossed out by my fiance,good friend dieing of cancer, bank account problems, car broke down,diagnosed with cancer, mom having dimentia and i being her caregiver and living with me,friend committing suicide,mom dieing, friend dieing of alcoholism..... just to name a few of the issues.

none of it a drink would help.

as far as drinking-that doesnt happen on a sober journey
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Old 09-05-2017, 04:41 PM
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I tried more times than I can remember. I only actually did it once though. It was when I decided to stop trying that I was able to succeed. I decided to never drink again and never change my mind. No matter what.

Like Yoda says, "Do. Or do not. There is no try."
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Old 09-05-2017, 04:44 PM
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Oh gosh I've been on this site for years with attempts at sobriety.....it's sticking now tho, I'm actually doing it this time and momentum is building!

What I would like to add is, it doesn't have to take years and years for anyone to get it
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Old 09-05-2017, 05:47 PM
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Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
i ran into a few issues. tossed out by my fiance,good friend dieing of cancer, bank account problems, car broke down,diagnosed with cancer, mom having dimentia and i being her caregiver and living with me,friend committing suicide,mom dieing, friend dieing of alcoholism..... just to name a few of the issues.

none of it a drink would help.

as far as drinking-that doesnt happen on a sober journey
In the AA big book we talk about undergoing a profound change in our reaction to life as the result of taking the steps and having a spiritual experience. Our drinking was not controlled by external events, it was our normal reaction to whatever life threw up, good bad or indifferent.

Consider the list that Tomsteve put up. These kind of things will happen to all of us. What will our reaction be?

Alcoholic mind: Drink

Recovered mind: React sanely and normally, do what normal people would do, a drink doesn't even register as an option.
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Old 09-05-2017, 06:06 PM
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Many times. I have gone 11 months, relapse, another time a year to the day, relapse, and over a year. I'm sad to say I'm back to day 34. I keep trying. SR is a wonderful place. The support is a big help.
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Old 09-05-2017, 08:01 PM
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Thanks everyone,
I am going it again. I have worked at this several times, each time I fail, I try something a little different, meetings, talking with friends, posting here, reading, etc...

In the end, I realize it is up to me and my ability to stick with it. My mind, and the ability for it to make up reasoning I for some reason believe is what I am working on defeating.

I am on day 3 again. I have 'stopped' several times, making it a month here, 2 months there, usually after 1-3 weeks, I give in to the AV, and then I usually end up on a week of drinking. It does give me positive feelings knowing it wasn't 'easy' for anyone. The feeling of dread coming here and posting or going to a meeting saying I failed again can be quite a frustrating and almost embarrassing feeling.

Thanks everyone for all the support for myself and for everyone who comes here.
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Old 09-05-2017, 09:23 PM
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usually after 1-3 weeks, I give in to the AV,
why do you think that is, Done4Ever?

D
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Old 09-05-2017, 10:38 PM
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Well Dee,
I've analyzed it over and over, and I seem to have a pattern of feeling better and then convince myself I won't over consume, it won't control me. I know time and time again it always goes downhill.

Sometimes I can beat back the voice. Obviously more times it uses its deception and I fall to it.

I continue to change and try different avenues, and it seems to be getting better where I am going longer and drinking less, but I am not looking to drink less, I am going for the drinking nothing. I keep adjusting and trying new things since I know trying the same things over and over never works.
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