Dealing with GFs health issues

Old 09-03-2017, 05:43 AM
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SoberTyger's Avatar
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Location: Denmark
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Dealing with GFs health issues

I am one week and one day sober since my latest relapse.
I have a long distance relationship, my GF lives in another country some 2000km away.

I have learned lately that my GF suffers from some kind of heart problems, I do not know exactly what - but she faints, get problems with her heart rythm - probalby severe problems dealing with stress and possibly panic attacks.
I struggle a lot feeling guilt about her health issues, and - reading between the lines of our conversations, I do feel she blames it all on me and my drinking problem - which I am dealing with very seriously at the moment.
I really try to convince myself this can't be blamed on me, she must have a physical, medical condition with her heart - which can not be blamed in any way on weather or not a person 2000km away picks up a drink or not.
I try my best to be suuportive and give her advice to seek out a doctor, look after herself, focus on her own treatment and follow medical advise - but I am left feeling very down and guilty and putting a lot of blame on myself for her condition.
Even if my drinking did put stress and worries on her mind, it should not cause her having uneven heartbeat or any other sort of physical health issues, I think.
But it certainly causes me a lot of stress and worries now, and knocks out a lot of the hope I gained in recent days.
I want to help and support her, but i really struggle because i feel weighed down by the guilt i put on myself (and I feel she puts on me as well) for this...
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Old 09-03-2017, 07:37 AM
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This all sounds pretty unhealthy-I'm not surprised you are feeling down.

you have nothing to feel guilty about. If she has a physical problem then she should see a doctor and arrange proper care and medication. She blames it all on you and your drink problem? This doesn't sound right at all. Of course, the poeple in our lives worry about us but they are responsible for their feelings and their own health care, just as we are for ours.

She's putting guilt on you and you're putting guilt on yourself and this is all long distance too. It must be difficult when you're not in the same room as someone as can't see them or hear them, intonation, body language etc.

Obviously you have physical distance, maybe some emotional distance is required in the early days of sobriety for you. Of course we can't control what others say or do but if people in my life are making me feel bad and trying to make me feel guilty or putting blame on me for something that really isn't my fault then I wouldn't want them in my life.
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Old 09-03-2017, 04:41 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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Noone can cause a heart condition ST - not even an alcoholic - we're just not that powerful

I understand it's hard for you being so far away but I'm sure your gf will reach out to you when she needs to.

The very best thing you can do for you (and for her) is keep working on your recovery.

I found I had a far greater capacity to help others that I realised - but I had to get myself well first

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Old 09-03-2017, 04:50 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: il
Posts: 239
st you are doing good stay sober she needs to go to a cardiologist sounds like atrial fibrillation which is what I have I take meds for mine.By the way I inherited mine from my mom and grandpa.So I really don't think you had anything to do with it.
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