Delizadee

I keep getting offered.
Excuses only a couple times. The wedding party has their own bus and they're drinking on there but I took my own vehicle instead.
I have been running my ass off. It's hot and I'm thirsty and weddings were a big problem for me as a photographer getting free drinks all day.
I was not mentally prepared.
Enough of these people knew I was a big drinker.
The groom and groomsmen were my duty. They are sloshed now.
Everyone is drinking .
I'll be fine until I leave the reception and on my own.
Then I'm still fine. Right?
Right?

What was I thinking

SoberLeigh

(((((Delizadee))))

Stat strong.

Keep us with you!

I feel sorry for the bride and groom - will they fully remember their special day?

SoberLeigh

And, yes - right!!!!

Stay close.

Keep the blessings of sobriety front and center in your mind.

You've got this.

ReadyAtLast

You will get through this. Keep some water or juice with you. Stay close to sr. You'll have a clear head tomorrow.

It must be difficult working in that situation but you can do it and get through it.

tomsteve

i think the answer to that is completely up to you.
you have the choice of a thought of a drink to control your actions and actually drink
or
you have the choice of not allowing the thought of a drink to control your actions and not drink

choose wisely,eh?

AnvilheadII

i really had to think that title through.......

sorry D - i know it's tough. remember you are there for a purpose = do what you were hired to do, and do so well. you are just an observer. it could be sumo wrestling - or a scorpion eating contest. doesn't mean YOU have to do it!

thanks for checking in!

Gilmer

Stay strong, Del. It will be much more normal inside your own four walls.

courage2

I know what you mean about after -- for me that's always when the mental barrage starts. Not kidding that tonight and tomorrow are the time for ice cream & grilled cheese sandwiches.

Stay on course, Del!

Delizadee

Yeah it's not helping that I'm getting extremely grumpy. I can't do my job the way I want because I've got another photographer here calling all the shots.
The bride and groom are good. My friend is pretty chill and knows my issues.
I'm slugging back water and smoking too much.
Going from farm to farm . It's all driving me nuts.

I want to and can't make my meeting tonight or once again anytime soon.
I make bad decisions .

And I don't want to go home.

courage2

Why don't you want to go home? Too much alone? Can you trust your friend to discourage you from drinking, and stay over w/them for the night?

AnvilheadII

sounds like someone needs a nice In and Out Burger or another delish gooey meal in the hands! it's been a long day, remember HALT. get some good grub, get home, get into jammies, and tag up safe.

Delizadee

Yes too much alone. Way too much.
There's too much booze there.. And I'm pretty sure they have housefuls.
I'm pretty close to just ducking and running. I lost the party bus and I don't really feel needed anymore. I don't even know where the reception is.

Yes I have eaten anything today. I'm not hungry and id love to take a break from my own company.

Burger sounds good.
Empty house with no kids and no meetings to go to makes me so unhappy

Dee74

Stick by SR. Manys the night I committed to doing just that.

Good advice makes my own brains chicanery seem dumb.

Say no to the AV

Anna

We're here for you. That sounds like a tough situation.

thomas11

Good call on taking your own vehicle. Leave when the heat gets to be too much.

courage2

I vote leave now and find an all night burger joint. Get something with double cheese & bacon, a large fries, and a milk shake & EAT IT ALL.

<3 <3 <3

Delizadee

Thanks guy and thanks for the smiles

I'm home now. I'm exhausted and in a horribly foul mood but sober.
I live a good distance away from the wedding, about an hour, so leaving was a one time deal, and leave I did. I just had enough.
I lost the party bus I was following, I ran out of gas, I went to the wrong town, the only person who's cell number I had was the hobby photographer who pinched my every last bloody buggering nerve today.

SO. I left and didn't even bother trying to find the reception hall when I was finally told where it was.
I ditched my friend's wedding with an inept photographer ( I'm just being an ass to be an ass. She is not inept- she just really pissed me off) but she clearly does not have the same ability to cover the rest of the night that I do.
Guilt, guilt.

I agree good call on the van.
Last time I got stuck with no wheels was at my grandpa's funeral also surrounded by booze. I was ready to climb the walls.

Few takeaways...
I will never shoot with another photographer again. Ever.
I will never just keep saying yes when I should say no. (haha!)

The phrase cutting off my nose to spite my own face comes to mind. Seems very apt to me and my adolescent knee jerks to every little or big thing that causes me disease.

It's 5 to 9 here and I'm hitting the hay. Today is done. Still sober.
Thanks for talking me through my stupidity.
I am so over this teenage angsty drama going on in my head!! I'm 34 dammit!



Thank you again, for as always, being here

dwtbd

Wow your today sucked, tomorrow doesn't have to, there's that

Dee74

I'm glad you're home Del

D

Berrybean

Woah. What a sucky day. It must have been tough trying to share a photography assignment with someone else - can't imagine how that was supposed to work. Probably sensible what you're saying about not putting yourself through that again.

Well done for getting home. Hope you managed to relax.

Did you manage to contact your sponsor or good AA pal? I was crawling the walls with irritation of my own last night, and know that a good chat with an AA bestie really helped me.

BB