Me and my "so called" friend... Beer
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 7
Me and my "so called" friend... Beer
It isn't easy for me to put this into words, I haven't really been very good at putting much into words, but hey, I'll give it a go.
So.... The story
...
A few year ago, around 4, I was in a relationship which wasn't going anywhere... I mean, the girl was nice, the times we spent together were just nice... But it wasn't... It. The last year of our relationship, we went out drinking together, then me alone, then her... Not alone... Long story short she cheated on me... I wasn't too fussed as I didn't REALLY love this girl.
I had an idea "let's go on a bender" a few nights a week, I drank more and more...
... Eventually, I got to the point of being so drunk, I'd go into mu mothers room and **** on her TV... This had to stop...
So it stopped
I met this girl, now, unlike the first girl, this one was different, she was and still is stunning, inside and out.. My love
The past 10 months or so, my drinking habits are that of what they used to be, I don't mean to get so drunk... Although I do, everytime... It isn't fair for her, I know it isn't, although one pint with friends, always turns into 12 minimum.
She doesn't deserve it and I don't blame her for this... She has decided she's had enough. I really don't blame her, we are staying together as partners bit living apart... Which has really upset me.
I've stopped drinking since this happened, although now my main focus is on my love for her, I'm just afraid that the bottle will win again.
I mean, I don't drink every day, I can go for some time without, although when I do... It's vile
Any help?
I really REALLY can not lose this girl from my life. Although she has her reasons, she still wants me, bit she wants the 100% sober me
So.... The story
...
A few year ago, around 4, I was in a relationship which wasn't going anywhere... I mean, the girl was nice, the times we spent together were just nice... But it wasn't... It. The last year of our relationship, we went out drinking together, then me alone, then her... Not alone... Long story short she cheated on me... I wasn't too fussed as I didn't REALLY love this girl.
I had an idea "let's go on a bender" a few nights a week, I drank more and more...
... Eventually, I got to the point of being so drunk, I'd go into mu mothers room and **** on her TV... This had to stop...
So it stopped
I met this girl, now, unlike the first girl, this one was different, she was and still is stunning, inside and out.. My love
The past 10 months or so, my drinking habits are that of what they used to be, I don't mean to get so drunk... Although I do, everytime... It isn't fair for her, I know it isn't, although one pint with friends, always turns into 12 minimum.
She doesn't deserve it and I don't blame her for this... She has decided she's had enough. I really don't blame her, we are staying together as partners bit living apart... Which has really upset me.
I've stopped drinking since this happened, although now my main focus is on my love for her, I'm just afraid that the bottle will win again.
I mean, I don't drink every day, I can go for some time without, although when I do... It's vile
Any help?
I really REALLY can not lose this girl from my life. Although she has her reasons, she still wants me, bit she wants the 100% sober me
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Hi and welcome. I think you know what you need to do. And if you're like many here that means give it up for ever. Moderation doesn't work, you end up just where you were. But you can do it a day at a time. And do it for yourself and the girl will follow. But it may be awhile before she truly trusts you. And each relapse makes that trust that much harder. Many of us have lost relationships. Maybe you can salvage yours.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome Mc9000 - You're among friends who understand.
It isn't how often we drink, but what it does to us when we do. I got to the point that I could never trust myself to have even one. It always led to being reckless & putting myself in danger. The only way to be sure I wouldn't cause chaos was to stop all together. All my attempts at slowing down or controlling it failed - every time. You can get free of it and have the good life you are looking forward to. I hope you'll stay with us.
It isn't how often we drink, but what it does to us when we do. I got to the point that I could never trust myself to have even one. It always led to being reckless & putting myself in danger. The only way to be sure I wouldn't cause chaos was to stop all together. All my attempts at slowing down or controlling it failed - every time. You can get free of it and have the good life you are looking forward to. I hope you'll stay with us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 7
Thankyou
Thankyou so much for the response, like you have said, I went "clean" and yes...unfortunately, relapsed on two occasions which in turn... This has happened.
I do not blame her for her decisions what so ever, she needs to live her life as well as I do...
...
Since the post, I've looked into AA meetings, but to tell the truth, I do not feel as though I am an alcoholic enough to waste peoples time in these meetings, I feel I should maybe see a doctor... The first step is definitely stay away from the bottle, I assure you I intend to.
And I know exactly what you mean, how can a person love someone, who doesn't love themselves? Does that make sense?
Thankyou again
I do not blame her for her decisions what so ever, she needs to live her life as well as I do...
...
Since the post, I've looked into AA meetings, but to tell the truth, I do not feel as though I am an alcoholic enough to waste peoples time in these meetings, I feel I should maybe see a doctor... The first step is definitely stay away from the bottle, I assure you I intend to.
And I know exactly what you mean, how can a person love someone, who doesn't love themselves? Does that make sense?
Thankyou again
Originally Posted by JD 
Hi and welcome. I think you know what you need to do. And if you're like many here that means give it up for ever. Moderation doesn't work, you end up just where you were. But you can do it a day at a time. And do it for yourself and the girl will follow. But it may be awhile before she truly trusts you. And each relapse makes that trust that much harder. Many of us have lost relationships. Maybe you can salvage yours.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 7
Thankyou for the response,
I think we must have been quite identical drunks, as I did the same when I drink.
I would put myself into silly situations, where, if I was sober, I would stay away. It's just difficult at the moment, as my girlfriend has left me with nowhere to go initially I wanted to go to the pub... Although, upon thinking it was the alcohol that put me in this situation.
What would your advice be on AA? I don't feel as though I should waste everybody's time... I'm controlling enough to keep myself sober for now
And thankyou again
I think we must have been quite identical drunks, as I did the same when I drink.
I would put myself into silly situations, where, if I was sober, I would stay away. It's just difficult at the moment, as my girlfriend has left me with nowhere to go initially I wanted to go to the pub... Although, upon thinking it was the alcohol that put me in this situation.
What would your advice be on AA? I don't feel as though I should waste everybody's time... I'm controlling enough to keep myself sober for now
And thankyou again
Originally Posted by Hevyn
Welcome Mc9000 - You're among friends who understand.
It isn't how often we drink, but what it does to us when we do. I got to the point that I could never trust myself to have even one. It always led to being reckless & putting myself in danger. The only way to be sure I wouldn't cause chaos was to stop all together. All my attempts at slowing down or controlling it failed - every time. You can get free of it and have the good life you are looking forward to. I hope you'll stay with us.
It isn't how often we drink, but what it does to us when we do. I got to the point that I could never trust myself to have even one. It always led to being reckless & putting myself in danger. The only way to be sure I wouldn't cause chaos was to stop all together. All my attempts at slowing down or controlling it failed - every time. You can get free of it and have the good life you are looking forward to. I hope you'll stay with us.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I'm glad you've decided to stop drinking. I think it's important to remember that stopping drinking is the beginning. It will likely take some lifestyle changes in order to support your recovery. I began exercising, getting involved in old hobbies, that kind of thing. And, please know you will always find support here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Mc9000
Since the post, I've looked into AA meetings, but to tell the truth, I do not feel as though I am an alcoholic enough to waste peoples time in these meetings,
Thankyou again
Thankyou again
They Stopped in Time
Among today’s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these seventeen A.A.’s, and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: “We didn’t wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous.”
__________________________________________________ __________________________
there no such thing and "not alcoholic enough for AA."
and it aint a waste of OUR time.
only your time NOT looking into what AA truly is, which is much more than meetings. it is MUCH more than how much a person drinks. in fact the steps of AA mention alcohol in 1 whole step- step 1:
we admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanagable.
then its all about the solution.
take away how much i drank and look at the underlying issues alcohol is just a symptom of- the thinking and actions- im no different than the wine drinker or the gutter drunk.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
I never drank to get drunk, but every time I drank, I got drunk. The solution for me...don't drink. Simple solution, very hard for me to do initially because I am an alcoholic. Now it is easy and I wouldn't trade my alcohol free life for anything.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi and welcome Mc9000 
I think you need to do this for yourself not to get your girl back - although I understand thats uppermost in your mind.
I really had to be done with drinking - if you're at that point too - this is a great place to be
D
I think you need to do this for yourself not to get your girl back - although I understand thats uppermost in your mind.
I really had to be done with drinking - if you're at that point too - this is a great place to be
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 7
Yeah, I know that feeling.
One or two wouldn't hurt... But I think that my issue was that the "one or two" regularly turned into double figures. I've been good for a few weeks so far, I haven't missed drinking or being drunk. The hardest times are when I'm aline gaming or whatever, I'd usually have a lager next to me while I'm gaming, now it's all about the pepsi max... There's just only so much pepsi I can drink
I hope I get to a stage like you, alcohol free life.
I hope I get to a stage like you, alcohol free life.
Originally Posted by nez
I never drank to get drunk, but every time I drank, I got drunk. The solution for me...don't drink. Simple solution, very hard for me to do initially because I am an alcoholic. Now it is easy and I wouldn't trade my alcohol free life for anything.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 7
Thanks
Thanks again for the response,
I'm glad you don't think I'm wasting time. Generally, when I go to see my gp, they give off the impression that I am waiting time, I always feel guilty for getting treatment.
Yeah, when I drank, I kind of lost control and didn't have a limit to what I drank... My limit was basically when I passed out... Looking at my drunken self, I truly feel sick to my core at some of the states I have been in, it's upsetting to know that people have witnessed this too.
I'm glad you don't think I'm wasting time. Generally, when I go to see my gp, they give off the impression that I am waiting time, I always feel guilty for getting treatment.
Yeah, when I drank, I kind of lost control and didn't have a limit to what I drank... My limit was basically when I passed out... Looking at my drunken self, I truly feel sick to my core at some of the states I have been in, it's upsetting to know that people have witnessed this too.
Originally Posted by tomsteve
the prelude to the 2nd set of storied in AA's big book:
They Stopped in Time
Among today’s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these seventeen A.A.’s, and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: “We didn’t wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous.”
__________________________________________________ __________________________
there no such thing and "not alcoholic enough for AA."
and it aint a waste of OUR time.
only your time NOT looking into what AA truly is, which is much more than meetings. it is MUCH more than how much a person drinks. in fact the steps of AA mention alcohol in 1 whole step- step 1:
we admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanagable.
then its all about the solution.
take away how much i drank and look at the underlying issues alcohol is just a symptom of- the thinking and actions- im no different than the wine drinker or the gutter drunk.
They Stopped in Time
Among today’s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these seventeen A.A.’s, and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: “We didn’t wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous.”
__________________________________________________ __________________________
there no such thing and "not alcoholic enough for AA."
and it aint a waste of OUR time.
only your time NOT looking into what AA truly is, which is much more than meetings. it is MUCH more than how much a person drinks. in fact the steps of AA mention alcohol in 1 whole step- step 1:
we admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanagable.
then its all about the solution.
take away how much i drank and look at the underlying issues alcohol is just a symptom of- the thinking and actions- im no different than the wine drinker or the gutter drunk.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 7
I agree
Although my girl is very important to me, I get what you're saying
I really do need to do this for myself, as, how can anybody love me if I don't love myself?
I can honestly say "I'm done". Alcohol has truly burned me out and put me at the lowest point in my life and mind. This needs to change, for me. If I can make others happy while doing so? That's brilliant. But right now, it's solo for me
I really do need to do this for myself, as, how can anybody love me if I don't love myself?
I can honestly say "I'm done". Alcohol has truly burned me out and put me at the lowest point in my life and mind. This needs to change, for me. If I can make others happy while doing so? That's brilliant. But right now, it's solo for me
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi and welcome Mc9000
I think you need to do this for yourself not to get your girl back - although I understand thats uppermost in your mind.
I really had to be done with drinking - if you're at that point too - this is a great place to be
D
I think you need to do this for yourself not to get your girl back - although I understand thats uppermost in your mind.
I really had to be done with drinking - if you're at that point too - this is a great place to be
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
You may find, like some of us have, that there is a line that has been crossed. I know for myself, the simple fact of the matter is that I can't have one drink. Not one. My body and my brain will not allow it. Once I put any alcohol into my system, my body wants more and more and I go until my gauge says full. It's not about lack of willpower. It's about my body's physical reaction to alcohol. If you can have two or three beers and walk away, more power to you. I can't. And if you someday find you can't either, you'll find a ton of support here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Hi there Mc9000 , welcome .
I don't know how many times I said " ony 2 or 3 beers I'll be fine " only to find out 2 or 3 was never enough . I am saying the same as BlowOne above .
I saw a saying on here " if nothing changes nothing changes " I think its time for you to make that change and you know that too ,you will get plenty of help here .
Keep posting
I don't know how many times I said " ony 2 or 3 beers I'll be fine " only to find out 2 or 3 was never enough . I am saying the same as BlowOne above .
I saw a saying on here " if nothing changes nothing changes " I think its time for you to make that change and you know that too ,you will get plenty of help here .
Keep posting
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
