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Old 09-01-2017, 11:23 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Need to vent..


Jesus! Had a row with my young adult daughter last night. Man! The damn audacity of early 20's "kids" these days!! I'd LOVE to punch them in the face sometimes!! I would say 'not really',BUT....REALLY! Sorry..I'm pissed still. LOL Anyways..This "kid" currently lives with me,rent free,drives my car and I give her some extra spending money from time to time(she had 'borrowed' $20 15 minutes before). She has a job and does the bare minimum there. She does nothing around the house,including her own space. Nothing is being too kind. She does NEGATIVE work around here! When the blow up happened it was over my asking her to help me get her area fixed up,spend a few hours(4?) of an off day,to help me help her? How dare I! Was her response..then the use of "you're an alcoholic"..god I love that 'demeaning' taunt/excuse to get out of talking(diversion tactic) like an 'adult'. My EXAGF used it a few times when in a discussion,so I know it well! As she was leaving,in one of my cars, to stay at her friends house for the weekend, I did tell her "one day,maybe soon...LIFE is going to punch you square in the face. If you keep walking around like this world 'OWES' you something you're a fool!" ARGHHHHH!! Nothing to drink over,but damn..the 'entitled' F'N nerve!
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:32 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Ooh they know how to press our buttons don't they? I'd say a rethink on her privileges is in order don't you?
Problem I have with mine (eldest 15) is that guilt has made me overcompensate and spoil her a bit over the years. Im trying to address that but not all at once because we'd fight literally all the time and also it's partly my own doing too.
Sounds like some serious boundary adjustments might make her think twice about her attitude if you can cope with the fall out. She'll hate you (of course lol) but if you don't do it now nothing will get any better. First thing take car keys away maybe?
Good luck!!!!!
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Just take the car keys, joandmelandhan?

Change the front door lock, DR, so she has to knock the door for entry to YOUR house!

In reality - it's a tough problem.
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:49 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I remember when I was about 18, no idea how I remember, phoning my dad at 2am in the morning after rolling out of a nightclub drunk, telling him I'd missed the train home and could he come and pick me up. To be fair he was quite generous. By that I mean he simply hung up the phone rather than bawl at me for waking him up in the middle of the night. Ooops.
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Old 09-01-2017, 12:18 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I have been busy with friends in town,work,ect..Life.. And had today through Sun off and casually brought up getting my stuff out of her space and her stuff into it, before I go on a quick trip to close up the rental/vacation property. Apparently that was not on her plate at all! I'll use these next few days and my trip to decide exactly what I'm going to do with her. Just crazy to me how a sober 'adult' would act out like that. If a friend did that=gone! It's nice out I think I'll go to the lake.
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Old 09-01-2017, 12:25 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Sounds like a plan. Have a nice break and think it though.
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Old 09-01-2017, 01:32 PM   #7 (permalink)
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No lake today.. Forgot it's a holiday weekend. Guess I'll get some work done around my place and look for an isolated island for sale online instead.

I did have a quick peek into her bedroom(in MY house)..What a mess! I'm not even sure how someone could live/sleep like that. Had the quick/passing thought to straighten it up for her(wonder where she gets it?),but not going to. When she does show up that is a MUST DO or GET OUT for her. It's literally like speaking to a child of 8.."clean your room"
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Old 09-01-2017, 02:47 PM   #8 (permalink)
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reads like it would be wise to learn some communication skills,DR.
youd love to punch them in the face sometimes-those are the words of an adolescent.

you dont like the demeaning, yet throw it right back with," "one day,maybe soon...LIFE is going to punch you square in the face. If you keep walking around like this world 'OWES' you something you're a fool!"

think about it- who is allowing your daughter to act that way? who is allowing her to live under your roof, drive your car, and who is giving her money from time to time?
and yet ya call your own daughter a fool????????


DR, it might be wise to have a sit down with your daughter- when your calm- and admit how to speak to her isnt right. let her know you love her and its time for you to make some changes.
then set boundaries.
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Old 09-01-2017, 03:04 PM   #9 (permalink)
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reads like it would be wise to learn some communication skills,DR.
youd love to punch them in the face sometimes-those are the words of an adolescent.

you dont like the demeaning, yet throw it right back with," "one day,maybe soon...LIFE is going to punch you square in the face. If you keep walking around like this world 'OWES' you something you're a fool!"

think about it- who is allowing your daughter to act that way? who is allowing her to live under your roof, drive your car, and who is giving her money from time to time?
and yet ya call your own daughter a fool????????


DR, it might be wise to have a sit down with your daughter- when your calm- and admit how to speak to her isnt right. let her know you love her and its time for you to make some changes.
then set boundaries.
ALL great points. Thank you! You are correct. I felt like a 'dry drunk' yesterday, for the first time.
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Old 09-01-2017, 03:12 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I remember when I was about 18, no idea how I remember, phoning my dad at 2am in the morning after rolling out of a nightclub drunk, telling him I'd missed the train home and could he come and pick me up. To be fair he was quite generous. By that I mean he simply hung up the phone rather than bawl at me for waking him up in the middle of the night. Ooops.
My dad did that when I called him once from jail.
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Old 09-02-2017, 07:59 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Teens and early twenties kids are tough to deal with. Some more than others. I do think that if ever she starts pointing fingers, I would not engage, but merely ask, "What does any of that have to do with our current discussion"? In dealing with my teen, I don't know that there are really any "right" answers. Just doing the best we can and enduring is all we can do.
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Old 09-02-2017, 08:37 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Agree with totfit, Don'tRemember.
Her behavior has nothing to do with the fact that you drank.
She just wants to have the upper hand in the power struggle we have with our kids at times, and that's a good way to set you back a bit.
It's difficult to take back your power, especially with kids, but. I would start by taking the "you're a drunk, so I don't have to listen to you" excuse off the the table.
Be interesting to see what happens once you let the air out of that particular balloon.
Peace.
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Old 09-02-2017, 08:58 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Jesus! Had a row with my young adult daughter last night. Man! The damn audacity of early 20's "kids" these days!! I'd LOVE to punch them in the face sometimes!! I would say 'not really',BUT....REALLY! Sorry..I'm pissed still. LOL Anyways..This "kid" currently lives with me,rent free,drives my car and I give her some extra spending money from time to time(she had 'borrowed' $20 15 minutes before). She has a job and does the bare minimum there. She does nothing around the house,including her own space. Nothing is being too kind. She does NEGATIVE work around here! When the blow up happened it was over my asking her to help me get her area fixed up,spend a few hours(4?) of an off day,to help me help her? How dare I! Was her response..then the use of "you're an alcoholic"..god I love that 'demeaning' taunt/excuse to get out of talking(diversion tactic) like an 'adult'. My EXAGF used it a few times when in a discussion,so I know it well! As she was leaving,in one of my cars, to stay at her friends house for the weekend, I did tell her "one day,maybe soon...LIFE is going to punch you square in the face. If you keep walking around like this world 'OWES' you something you're a fool!" ARGHHHHH!! Nothing to drink over,but damn..the 'entitled' F'N nerve!
Time to cut the umbilical cord. She will not learn anything in life with that attitude. She is an "adult" and she is employed, so kick her butt out and end the shenanigans. Don't be an enabler to her bad attitude. Tell her to pull up her "big girl" pants and pack.
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