17 Days!
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1
17 Days!
Hello All -
Although I am not exactly new to this site, I have been showing up here the last 17 days and reading different posts, but I felt the desire to share one myself.
I am mid 40's, have a decent job, beautiful home, 2 grown children and 2 gorgeous granddaughters. I never once before (until recently) had even considered that I may have had a problem with alcohol. It started innocently enough, as the oldest of 4 children, my sister (#3) would raid the parent liquor cabinet and mix our own concoctions (which tasted horrible by the way), I was probably around 13/14 at this time (what a great influence right?) I had gone many years just "socially" drinking. Nothing everyday, not even every weekend. I used to be able to buy a 6 pack of beer and it would sit in my fridge for a good portion of a month or so. I wasn't a hard liquor person, so beer and wine were my poison of choice and wine was very few and far between.
Flash forward to about 10 years ago, I met my current husband (#2) and that is where the downward spiral began. (Let me state that I do not at all blame him in anyway - my choices were all mine). He is a very big drinker, once he starts, he doesn't know how to stop, he will begin with 8 - 10 beers and then move to 1/2 bottle of whiskey (or whatever else may be in the house). It went well (at first anyway), my drinking didn't increase or decrease probably for the first 5-6 years. He used to tease me that I was "lame" because I would maybe drink 3 beers and then be done for the night. (again, did not have an effect - if you know me than you know I am the most stubborn person on the planet and what someone thinks of me is not relevant at all) Then somewhere along the way, I began to join him. More and more, I would drink more beer, I began with the shots which also turned into really assisting with finishing that whiskey bottle.
Without realizing it, I began to seclude myself from my life. The only time we got together with friends was when it was time to meet up at the bar.....Burger Monday (and a lot of drinks), Taco Tuesday (and a lot of drinks)....you get the idea and it wasn't even the weekend. Somewhere along the way, I began to wake up in the mornings, not remembering most of what had happened the night before and that was really scary. I think that is when somewhere along the way, I began to have a gnawing feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that things couldn't continue as they were. We were spending $$$ that we really didn't have (I was at the liquor store, putting our purchases on a credit card). It took maybe a few (or a bit more than a few) months before I was really ready to give my body a break. I was beginning to feel the physical effects (without realizing that is what is was), I had the blotchy red face (but didn't connect it to my drinking), I knew I wasn't happy and I didn't know how to fix it. I would have a vision of what my life should be like in my head and I didn't know how to go from where I was to where I wanted to be. I was frustrated, upset with myself for letting things get to this point, depressed and very angry. What the hell happened? Where did it go wrong for me?
Then 20 days ago, we were out at hubby's company picnic (which is at the local baseball game). We had a few drinks there and then went to a bar down the street after. It was a fun night. Lots of drinking, a little bit of dancing, and as usual, hubby and I fighting once we got home. (to this day, I can't tell you what we were fighting about). We woke up the next day and in predictable fashion, hubby will state "I have to quit drinking" as he is hungover. I finally said out loud that I was going to take a 30 day reprieve. I was going to quit drinking for 30 days and then re-evaluate. I was going to take 30 days to re-assess the direction of my life and the things I wanted to accomplish and move forward. Surprisingly, he agreed to be a part of this "science project" with me. He now has 19 days, as I decided to make the Sunday before my sober date, the chance to "clean out the fridge" of all of the wine left. I finished it Sunday night and went to bed. I woke up Monday and began my journey.
It wasn't too bad in the first couple of days, maybe because I was motivated and excited. Now the "honeymoon period" has worn off and although I still don't have the desire to drink, my anxiety and moodiness is really beginning to affect my relationship. I try and remain cognizant that both of us are in withdrawals, so when he upsets me, I try and remember to take a deep breath and let him feel his feelings (he is not one to discuss his progress or journey, hence my turning to this site for words of wisdom and encouragement from others who have posted).
Here I am beginning day 17. I went out last evening to our girls night with my Mom and sisters and I did OK, sitting there with my water with lemon while everyone else had their cocktails. Maybe because it was with family, but whatever it was, I passed my first test.
I have committed to quitting for 30 days, and so far I am feeling so good (much more energy, sleeping great, looking better in general) and I have to say that if today was day 30, I would definitely go 31 days without a drink. Maybe at some point I will get to a "quit forever" point, maybe I will be one who takes sobriety 30 days at a time.
Sorry for the long post thank you for sticking around long enough to read it! I feel so much better having an outlet for my emotions and it feels good to share my story with someone.
Although I am not exactly new to this site, I have been showing up here the last 17 days and reading different posts, but I felt the desire to share one myself.
I am mid 40's, have a decent job, beautiful home, 2 grown children and 2 gorgeous granddaughters. I never once before (until recently) had even considered that I may have had a problem with alcohol. It started innocently enough, as the oldest of 4 children, my sister (#3) would raid the parent liquor cabinet and mix our own concoctions (which tasted horrible by the way), I was probably around 13/14 at this time (what a great influence right?) I had gone many years just "socially" drinking. Nothing everyday, not even every weekend. I used to be able to buy a 6 pack of beer and it would sit in my fridge for a good portion of a month or so. I wasn't a hard liquor person, so beer and wine were my poison of choice and wine was very few and far between.
Flash forward to about 10 years ago, I met my current husband (#2) and that is where the downward spiral began. (Let me state that I do not at all blame him in anyway - my choices were all mine). He is a very big drinker, once he starts, he doesn't know how to stop, he will begin with 8 - 10 beers and then move to 1/2 bottle of whiskey (or whatever else may be in the house). It went well (at first anyway), my drinking didn't increase or decrease probably for the first 5-6 years. He used to tease me that I was "lame" because I would maybe drink 3 beers and then be done for the night. (again, did not have an effect - if you know me than you know I am the most stubborn person on the planet and what someone thinks of me is not relevant at all) Then somewhere along the way, I began to join him. More and more, I would drink more beer, I began with the shots which also turned into really assisting with finishing that whiskey bottle.
Without realizing it, I began to seclude myself from my life. The only time we got together with friends was when it was time to meet up at the bar.....Burger Monday (and a lot of drinks), Taco Tuesday (and a lot of drinks)....you get the idea and it wasn't even the weekend. Somewhere along the way, I began to wake up in the mornings, not remembering most of what had happened the night before and that was really scary. I think that is when somewhere along the way, I began to have a gnawing feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that things couldn't continue as they were. We were spending $$$ that we really didn't have (I was at the liquor store, putting our purchases on a credit card). It took maybe a few (or a bit more than a few) months before I was really ready to give my body a break. I was beginning to feel the physical effects (without realizing that is what is was), I had the blotchy red face (but didn't connect it to my drinking), I knew I wasn't happy and I didn't know how to fix it. I would have a vision of what my life should be like in my head and I didn't know how to go from where I was to where I wanted to be. I was frustrated, upset with myself for letting things get to this point, depressed and very angry. What the hell happened? Where did it go wrong for me?
Then 20 days ago, we were out at hubby's company picnic (which is at the local baseball game). We had a few drinks there and then went to a bar down the street after. It was a fun night. Lots of drinking, a little bit of dancing, and as usual, hubby and I fighting once we got home. (to this day, I can't tell you what we were fighting about). We woke up the next day and in predictable fashion, hubby will state "I have to quit drinking" as he is hungover. I finally said out loud that I was going to take a 30 day reprieve. I was going to quit drinking for 30 days and then re-evaluate. I was going to take 30 days to re-assess the direction of my life and the things I wanted to accomplish and move forward. Surprisingly, he agreed to be a part of this "science project" with me. He now has 19 days, as I decided to make the Sunday before my sober date, the chance to "clean out the fridge" of all of the wine left. I finished it Sunday night and went to bed. I woke up Monday and began my journey.
It wasn't too bad in the first couple of days, maybe because I was motivated and excited. Now the "honeymoon period" has worn off and although I still don't have the desire to drink, my anxiety and moodiness is really beginning to affect my relationship. I try and remain cognizant that both of us are in withdrawals, so when he upsets me, I try and remember to take a deep breath and let him feel his feelings (he is not one to discuss his progress or journey, hence my turning to this site for words of wisdom and encouragement from others who have posted).
Here I am beginning day 17. I went out last evening to our girls night with my Mom and sisters and I did OK, sitting there with my water with lemon while everyone else had their cocktails. Maybe because it was with family, but whatever it was, I passed my first test.
I have committed to quitting for 30 days, and so far I am feeling so good (much more energy, sleeping great, looking better in general) and I have to say that if today was day 30, I would definitely go 31 days without a drink. Maybe at some point I will get to a "quit forever" point, maybe I will be one who takes sobriety 30 days at a time.
Sorry for the long post thank you for sticking around long enough to read it! I feel so much better having an outlet for my emotions and it feels good to share my story with someone.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Welcome, WhodeyGirl 
I hope you stick around and do some reading on the threads. There are lots of generous and wise shares on this site.
I can relate to so much of your post, especially the fights with my husband that I will never remember! I am so happy and relieved to not have to wake up feeling like death and wondering what I did the night before.
The early days are challenging but this site will give you hope, encouragement and practical help for maintaining your sobriety.
I hope you stick around and do some reading on the threads. There are lots of generous and wise shares on this site.
I can relate to so much of your post, especially the fights with my husband that I will never remember! I am so happy and relieved to not have to wake up feeling like death and wondering what I did the night before.
The early days are challenging but this site will give you hope, encouragement and practical help for maintaining your sobriety.
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