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A slip at day 31

Old 08-29-2017, 06:15 PM
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A slip at day 31

I am ashamed to admit I slipped up on Sunday, which was my 31st day of sobriety, and also my birthday.

I had planned a family day and it was a beautiful day - we went for a lovely italian meal, spent time by the river, went on a boat. It was a very sunny day and booze seemed to be everywhere - ads for cocktails, people enjoying a beer in the sun, hubby having a beer with lunch (I had a huge bottle of sparkly water - mummy champers as I call it ha). My AV ate away at me all day and I ended up in tears with the 'pain' and feeling sorry for myself. I got home and put my son to bed and contemplated staying in bed then I asked my husband to get beer and he did. So I started drinking about 10.30pm. I think I knew deep down from about 9 which way I was headed. The beer tasted foul and I drank 8 cans, passed out on the sofa and woke up feeling very ill. I did not enjoy it, not at all. I just sit there obsessing about how much is left. I think part of me was thinking this will be the last time I drink, let me have as much as I can which I know was an excuse to get caned.
I have felt low the past 2 days. It always pushes me into a depressive cycle. I have thought briefly about drinking again. But most of all I feel a huge weight of sadness and disappointment. I am determined to move forward armed with the knowledge this slip gave me about myself.
When I woke this morning I thought I hope I dont drink today. I then felt different and realised no amount of hoping will stop me. I am in control of it, theres no hoping involved. So I said to myself 'No, I will not drink today' and so I didn't.
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Old 08-29-2017, 06:28 PM
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Hi AwkwardKitty,
I too recently slipped after 9 months sober. It sure is a horrible feeling. Shame, anxiety, very low and dark mood, utter fear for the future. But like you, I decided not to let it become a full blown relapse, instead a BLIP in my road to recovery.
Look at it like this, you had 30 wins and 1 loss. Odds are still in your favour and you have shown you can stop and stay stopped during the hardest time (first couple of weeks I believe).
Make this blip a learning lesson and I dare say you will be stronger for it
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Old 08-29-2017, 07:27 PM
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it sounds like you are back on track and that you learned something from it. That is the important thing.
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Old 08-29-2017, 07:34 PM
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Hi Awkwatd Kitty

many of us faltered a time or two - get back on the horse, get rid of any alcohol you might have around still, and maybe think about what you could do differently this time?

what can you add to your 'recovery toolbox'?

D
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Old 08-29-2017, 07:56 PM
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Dust yourself off

If it's any consolation I've always been mortified that I can't make it to 30 days, so please realize what an accomplishment THAT in itself is. I remember my first relapse I told my sponsor about and she said "sweetie, we're alcoholics. We drink. That's what we do". You sound like me as if you feel you've committed bloody murder and feel immense guilt at every slip but remember this is who we are and a battle we'll be fighting for a long time. Hsnf in there
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Old 08-29-2017, 10:44 PM
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I took me 3 tries to get through the first 30 days. I never want to do that again. So I truly believe 1 is too many, and no I'm not a normal drinker....whatever that means. Like any of our bodies really likes getting poisoned.
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