DontRemember

That thought makes me cringe for you because I've had it a lot over the weekend. That's what made me cringe when I first thought "it's the weekend,fight party,friends in town staying at your place..just the weekend." I'd still be drinking today if I had 'one' beer on Friday like my AV told me to.
Hang in there and come here before you drink. I also think a meeting might be good,as others have said. Being honest face to face with someone is more 'freeing',at least it is for me. Not that being honest here doesn't help,but when I've almost convinced myself "why not?" I go to a meeting. You know/have the tools. Use them.

Dee74

Welcome back

Yeah we can forget or rationalise away how bad things were.

go back and read some of your old posts - or some of the Newcomer threads today - there's nothing easy about a life in active addiction.

There's nothing so bad a drink can't make worse,

D

Ananda

I'm sorry you are struggling a bit.

What I really need when I start to get some sober time is to help others who are still suffering from active alchoholism or are newly off the boos.

It helps to keep me in touch with where I was at at the end of my drinking in a real physical way.

I also find posting to a month thread (any one of them) and getting close to others is helpful.

Let us know how it is going.

STDragon

Wow, 70 hours a week, that's grueling. That doesn't leave any time for yourself. You can't keep giving without looking after yourself first. You need some me time and your AV knows it, it's trying to trick you. What do you do for yourself outside of work?

Berrybean

I was thinking this morning how grateful I am for this place.

You see, I don't get to meet too many newcomers face to face in AA in my kneck of the woods, although I do hear and share experience strength and hope. But on this site pretty much every single day there are newcomers and relapsers and people-considering-relapsing for me to respond to. To try to help.

And that is not a selfless act. Because every time I type out my response what is happening is that I am reminding myself of where I came from, and where I can go straight back to should I ever make to choice to go back for another drink. Another binge. Because drink never stayed singular to me. And my way of recovering from the sickness and shame of my last binge was always to line up the next one.

I need to remember. And my memory is short. So I need to KEEP reading and posting. And I'm very grateful to folk like you who come here and share and give me the opportunity to respond and reinforce my own sobriety.

Now..... PLEASE tell me that insane idea of going for another round out there has passed.

BB

Anustart

Still here, still sober. Thank you to all the helping hands out there. I live in South Florida so with apocalypse bearing down upon us at least I won't be able to get at a bottle! Kidding! (Mostly.)

biminiblue

I grew up in SOFLA. Prayers for a safe outcome for you and those you love.

Like Dee always says, there's nothing that can't be made worse by a drink.