GetItInGear

Hi Everyone,

This is my first post. After putting together almost a year of sober time, I recently went through a terrible breakup with my girlfriend of 3 years and relapsed.

It was caused by terrible behavior on her part (BPD), followed by me leaving the house fuming and then going off to drink; blowing my sobriety string.

That's not what I am writing about though. It is just the primer.

Since the breakup, I have been drinking heavily and making a fool of myself on Facebook. I've hit on women on Messenger who I used to go to school with and haven't seen in years. I hit on female members that I used to see at AA meetings, making a complete ass of myself. I have written horrible emails to my ex, bashing her and her family (they actually deserve it, but I was way out of line and come off looking really terrible here). If there were any chance of mending things with my ex, it was completely trashed by those men spirited emails. If I were not drinking, I would never have done any of this stuff in a million years.

A lot of times, I only find out about the messages and posts the next day. Because I am usually drinking straight vodka, the are usually some blackout periods. On Facebook, I go to the timeline and delete everything dumb that I posted the previous night.

I am pretty sure my reputation has taken a hit among former classmates, family members, and friends thanks to my drunken posts. I have actually wound up blocked by a few. Some people might even think I am insane. The truth is, it is not the real me at all when I drink like that.

What is the best thing to do now, besides getting sober again? I mean in regards to all those drunk texts, emails and posts. Just forget about it and move on?

A

whopper

I've done the same thing as you on fb and know how you feel guilty and stupid the next day. I have gotten phone calls about it, but I would do it again a few months later when drunk. Repeat the cycle a few more times and now some of my relatives block me. Others think I am crazy, insane, stupid, weird, different and who knows what else. My stellar reputation is gone all because of alcohol. What can I do about it? Not much, just accept what happened. I ain't perfect, and there are whole lot of other things we could have done which could be a lot worse in real life, than making mistakes in the virtual world of fb. Just accept the fact that you made a mistake and your human. That's how I look at it.

Delilah1

Welcome to SR! Glad you found us.

First, I hope you have decided to get sober again, you will find lots of support on this site. I would advise staying off FB for a while. In terms of people you may have said things to, you can apologize either in person when you see them, or send them a message/email. The good thing is most people on FB are busy looking at what is going on that day, and your messages will fade to the past.

Hope to see you around here.

Lava256

I can imagine the stress you're going through.

You could apologize to all the people you offended then leave it at that. Many may be understanding, even your ex, since she's aware of your struggle. However, don't push for forgiveness.

Do get back on the sober bus for your health and peace of mind. You could, also, stay away from social media. At one time I thought I couldn't live without FB but I log on about 10 times only a year these days, and only when I really must.

You can rebuild your character in society.

Dee74

Hi GetItInGear - welcome

First thing I'd do is get sober.
Second thing is stay that way.

Third thing is get off FB for a while.

You can rescue your reputation -but you cant do that until you have some decent sobriety behind you.

Be the person you want to be and people will respond to the new you.

D

KES06

Get some sober time under your belt and apologize to those you hurt, including your ex and her family (because you are better than that). You can also "deactivate" your FB acct and stay off for awhile. Remembering some of the horrible things I said and posted on social media definitely helps me stay sober! Good luck.

Mountainmanbob

You remind me of me back when I was drinking.
Best for us -- to stay away from the liquid devil.
M-Bob

Jules714

Hey.
This situation is rough although the silver lining is it reinforces why getting and staying sober is the way to go.
You're going to feel emotionally pretty poorly for a but, but I bet it deters you from drinking.
And for the love of Pete, get off FB. That crap really is of the freaking Devil. Go *live.
The best part is these feelings are temporary and if you quit, there is hope for a much more fulfilling life. Go grab it!
Jules

Anustart

I quit drinking to avoid that very thing when my marriage hit the skids... and I was a blackout drinker so I very well could have said ANYTHING in the state I was in.

I echo the above. Get off Facebook, at least for a while. I fought doing it for a long time - along with fighting to avoid becoming a cyberstalker! - but it was a good decision.

tomsteve

do you honestly think you can just forget about them? dont you think theres some people you may owe some amends to because of it?
if people did to you what you did to them, how would you feel? would you want them to just forget about it?
since ya mention you were in AA, it might be a good time to swallow some pride, get some humility, get back to meetings, and start working the program. you can find out causes and conditions for the drinking- the underlying issues, make amends for past actions, and be free from guilt and remorse over it.
and be able to use your experience to help the next person that does the same thing.

AnvilheadII

On your To Do List:

#1. Quit drinking
#2. Stay quit

unless you do 1 and 2, anything efforts to apologize or rectify relationships will get drown out by more booze, more drunk texting, drunk ranting, etc. Walk the Talk.

notgonnastoptry

Nothing to do but roll with the consequences, sadly.

We've all btdt (at least most of us). BTDT and insulted (the same at the same time) people about looks, age, and their children's looks. It's one of the worst I've read here and i have to own it. Saw it the next day after being browned out (I only say brown because I remember, while wasted, telling myself that it was bad, very bad, to do that). I still did. Sad that even my drunk self said "NO". still did it. you can guess who hates me. Yep. them and me.

DontRemember

I've been there! I remember what I said/did on occasion and hate it with a passion!! What a horrible feeling I never want to feel again.

notgonnastoptry

These people hate me. The worst thing is, it's stuff my husband (who has been friends with them for 20 years) said. We are all on the edge of really reckoning with our age (late 30s/early 40s) and the sad fact: they actually helped me through some drunken times and counseled me from afar. They were neutral and upstanding people. Can't believe I did that. They've never said a thing, have clearly, clearly distanced themselves.

Golden rules: don't talk about a woman's age and don't insult her children. I did both and more. I really hate myself.


Oddly, though my husband was the one who said all of that (not me), they do write him, in NON-passive aggressive way (very honest folks) and say things like "I hope you are well. You are always welcome here"



No more "you guys" etc. Oh well. I guess they have that old bond of friendship and what I did was egregious beyond belief, but I "love" how he came out of that just fine.

He said it, but to me (I sound very juvenile here). My point in telling them was to make him look evil since he was also appealing to them. Drunk logic and stupidity. He said it, but to me (I sound very juvenile here). My point in telling them was to make him look evil since he was also appealing to them. Drunk logic and stupidity.

grayghost1965

Welcome to the club - I'll echo everyone else and say deactivate your account for awhile. If you want/seek forgiveness, most will probably be open to it if you can get back on the wagon and stay there. Social media is a strange creature, though - you are probably more aware of your posts than everyone else.

shauninspain

Are you sure that she / the break up is the reason why you picked up again? My own experience has shown me that whenever I picked up and relapsed, I had used something -ve in my life as an excuse. And I had a massive list of excuses.