rainyengland

Hi

Doing ok - day 134

I think physically I'm doing just fine,the thoughts of drinking are fairly infrequent and I love the new fitter person I see in mirror

Mentally feeling a little better,it's been a struggle getting used to a new life to be honest after so many years of spending any free time pickled and out of it!

I still struggle to see my future life without alcohol though,kind of one day I can drink like a normal person..of cause I know that's not possible

Any tips on this and did anyone in long term sobriety have this issue?

Thank you :-)

Gottalife

It is a basic part of the first step in AA. "The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed"

For me, harbouring such a delusion, in my case the hope that my problems would turn out to be from some other cause, completely undermines recovery. There are aspects of the recovery process which are uncomfortable to say the least. If I hang onto this delusion, then I can say to myself I don't really need to do this difficult stuff.

It is why a lot of people fail to take the steps in AA. They don't think they need to because, some day........

August252015

In addition to what Gottalife said, I just decided drinking would never be an option, no matter what. Drinking = death, for me.

I think many times each day of everything I have in sobriety. My life is beyond anything I could have ever imagined. There is nothing I would jeopardize it for and drinking would take everything away, in short order.

Focusing on what I DO have is much more effective - oh, and focusing on others- than thinking of an "if" or a "maybe" that could only be insidious.

D122y

Rainy,

I am not giving advice, only my experience and support.

At 1 year clean, I went to an AA meeting and got a chip.

I believe if you were an AA frequenter, you would have an idea of what to do to fill sober time.

Mentally, I was still stuggling fiercely w paranoid feeling s and obsessions. I got clean w no meds. Are you on meds?

I believe in AA, but don't want to be committed to meetings and the 12 steps. Forever...unless I have to.

Most of my AA friends think I have lingering sadness. While this is a bit true, I am still healing. I feel it.

SR and Exercise have been my tools. Education about how my mind has been altered by booze makes all the craziness tolerable.

It gets better.

Thanks.

Gottalife

The delusion was smashed enabling progress through the steps and this is the result. A completely different outlook. Booze just has no place anywhere in this picture, even in the future. A new set of ideals and motivations are now in place. Brilliant stuff August.

saoutchik

Congratulations on 134 days Rainy, fantastic!

After a while the memories of the hangovers fade and we become accustomed to waking up hangover free. That is not the same as taking it for granted just that it has now becone the norm. Human nature I suppose.

For me, in order to remind me of the mental anguish it caused I still mostly just post on Newcomers even though I am nearly at 2 yrs 8 months. It reminds me that I am only 1 drink away from going back. It seems to go in phases too, sometimes i get a cluster of AV days and other times I really feel like a non drinker.

It sounds like you're doing well.

rainyengland

Hi

Yes I'm on AD for last 2 weeks,I was really struggling mentally with anxiety and a bit of depression

I just hit a wall after 100 days or so and could see it spiralling out of control and was worried about drinking again as a result

rainyengland

I was thinking exactly the same last week - I'll always be on newcomers :-)

Good place to hang out though !

Your so right about hangover memories fading - god that was miserable memory

Hevyn

I feel the same as saoutchik, and still visit Newcomers every day - after 10 yrs. Who knows what would happen if I stopped.

Proud of you, Rainy. 134 days is something to shout about.

DarklingSong

134 days is brilliant.

I don't have advice because I cannot yet think in terms of forever....I am only on day 71. However, I am sure that I can never drink 'normally'. I never drank normally and never wanted to. I always drank to be drunk; to escape for a while.

It sounds like you are doing fantastically well...getting meds when you needed them rather than relapsing. With my limited knowledge that sounds like 'taking positive action' to me.

Best wishes.

JD

I'm a few weeks shy of 2 years and have those thoughts too. When ever I do I just think how stupid it would be to drink after that much time. You're doing great. Just keep at it.

tomsteve

personally, no- i didnt have a problem with seeing my life without alcohol.

what i did have a problem with, and it was a good problem that helped keep me focused, was seeing my life with alcohol still in it.
there wasnt anything good that was going to happen if i kept drinking.
in fact, the day after my last drunk i narrowed my choices down to get help or kill myself and that suicide, beings how im a wimp, was going to be a self inflicted bottle wound.

that problem helped me stay focused on the actions necessary to look at the underlying issues alcohol was but a symptom of- to look at those problems and find solutions and work at changing me.

tomsteve

pretty good to read the change of thinking from this:
"....struggle to see my future life without alcohol though,kind of one day I can drink like a normal person."

to this.

SimplyFree

Thanks for hanging in there Rainy , we are only a couple days apart, so seeing you on here is always encouraging. And you ask great questions, the same questions I have! Stay strong!!

Dee74

Hi Rainy

I guess there are a variety of answers to this.

I came in recovery scared I was going to die but it still took a while for me to be able to contemplate forever.

For a long time it was bay by day, but always intending the make a new commitment each day - after a while forever didn't really seem so scary to me.

I also accepted the truth, as I see it, that alcoholism is for life - anytime I were to pick up a drink again I'd be back to square one.

That one was actually easier to accept because I had the proof of it from many returning to drinking attempts over 20 years.

I also worked hard at dealing with my demons and making my life what I wanted it to be. I figured I wouldn't want to lose a life I loved - and I was right.

All of this took time - at 134 days I think you're in a pretty normal position for someone relatively new to the journey?

D

rainyengland

Thank you all

It's nice to be reassured that it's normal to be thinking like this

Beautiful morning here in UK and perfect for flying around woods on bike !

Have a lovely day/evening 😊

D122y

I totally understand folks getting on meds for booze addiction. My story has been no meds. Honestly, I probably needed the meds more than most.

imo...meds drag out the healing...and if you are not careful...drink again while on the meds.

So, consider that that.

I celebrated my days clean for sure, they are well earned. We all deserve a clean remaining life.

We were born into a drinking system, and we took it too far. Now we are educated.

The brain can heal to a nice and normal state, understanding that it is still under duress for many years (maybe a lifetime) helps me to continue to embrace sobriety.

Went to a house last night, there were cases of beer, bottles of hard stuff, and a few folks drinking. I thankfully turned down initial offerings of alcohol, enjoyed the amazing food and refreshing cold water.

Woke up today feeling just as I have for the last 2+ years, so grateful I am sober and strong as I can be.

I remember any anxiety I have will eventually lessen and less as my brain adapts to normalcy and I learn coping techniques found here and elsewhere on the internet.

Resentment has been plaguing me all of my life. It is currently my toughest inner battle. I am learning how to block it, forgive (not forget) those I resent, and move forward in a happy way.

I used to drown it in booze. Not any more.

Thanks.

Zebra1275

I still struggle to see my future life without alcohol though,

How about living your life without alcohol just for the rest of this day?

You can do that, right?

And when you wake up tomorrow, just concentrate on making it through the day without drinking.

That's how you stay sober, one day at a time.

heavencanwait

Welcome.

nez

Then I would suggest staying here in the present moment. Which is not a bad idea because, after all that is where life takes place. Also too, we shape our future by what we do in the present. The only way to work on the future is by working on the present.

Like many other people on here, at one time I couldn't imagine my life without alcohol. Today life without alcohol is second nature to me, like breathing. I can think about it, but I don't need to think about it. It is just natural and right.