Chilledice

Just finished my skype session, had a big panic attack before it!

He says I can use mind over matter to beat this, change my reaction to the thoughts etc

I knew it came down that, it comes down to CHOICE!

I've got nothing left inside me to willfully choose not to be in terror of these thoughts and PLEASE don't tell me different!

I feel done I really do. Just wanna lay down and leave, can't do it!

Not goona actually top myself whilst online or any of that stuff so no need for the "talk" or anything

Just wanna let it out how im feeling and where I am in life!

Gilmer

I'm sorry, Chilledice.

Chilledice

Me too.

decchemist

Make sure you've got nothing in your tankard either, Chilled.

Poppy79

Sometimes being told something so logical yet seemingly impossible is frustrating to hear. Infuriating even. The amount of times people would say to me "just stop drinking". Umm ok. If it were that easy there would be no need for rehabs, AA or this site.
You have probably heard all of this before, but have you tried breathing exercises when an attack hits? Or sit in the shower and focus on the water coming down?
Could you talk to your Doc about medication to ease these feelings of anxiety?
I had to go to inpatient treatment because I felt the same as you do last November. Helpless, scared, exhausted, defeated. And when negative thoughts enter my mind they snowball. Treatment helped me, CBT therapy. Have you tried that?
I hope you feel better sooner rather than later xx

DontRemember

I'll suggest some free weights,a heavy bag (to beat to death) and possibly shop around for some more support..maybe a group setting?

Chilledice

I've not showered in six weeks, I do breathing exercises and I try meditationbut very difficult because I am in constant fear so I just cant function, my world has fallen apart. My therapist is a cbt person and I have lyrica for anxiety.

Chilledice

I can hardly physically function.

Thanks tho I do appreciate you.

DontRemember

I'm sorry to hear that. I read your last reply..what's your daily routine,if you don't mind sharing?

Chilledice

I have religious ocd and magical thinking ocd

It's spreading like wildfire and turned my mind upside down and just ripped my life to shreds.

I feel stuck in a CONSTANT panic attack, it loses strength for a bit and then comes back strong .....it never truly goes.

I spend all day on my living room floor!

I feel utterly destroyed.

Gilmer

When all I could do was lie on the floor all day and sob, Chilled, that's the time I checked into the hospital, and it was one of the best things I've ever done.

Dee74

Hi Chilled


I don't think everyone goes around with a full tank 365 a year.

When my tank gets low I do things that are gonna fill it up again.

Take that shower - as hard as it will be to get yourself in there, you'll feel better about yourself afterwards.

Do some stuff you enjoy - play guitar, a favourite video game, watch a favourite movie. Order your favourite takeout ...maybe sit in the sun tomorrow a little.

a week from now your tank could be full again.

If you're feeling really low right now a crisis line could help or you could make an appointment with your GP.

We care about you Chilled.

D

Chilledice

Even if I go into a hospital they will say the same thing!, cbt techniques and meds etc

I spoke with the psychiatrist from my local psych ward.

It's SOOO outlandish in my mind it's just spreading outta control and FAST.

Chilledice

I don't know what to do this very moment, first things first, grab decaffeinated coffee and a cigarette!

saoutchik

You know what Chillie, maybe Gilmer is right about that hospital. It sounds like you could do with some relief from your own thoughts. Maybe just the act of doing something proactive might help.

columbus

If you have access to a shower

(or a bath)

Take that shower

(or bath)

!

Chilledice

I get terrified to move...for real!

Poppy79

My heart goes out to you Chilledice. I agree with Gilmer, can you call an ambulance and get to a hospital?
It would seem the medication you are on is not working, so if you are in a hospital it is prime time for them to change it up whilst in a safe environment.
Sometimes, we can't fight our battles alone, professional help is needed.
I know a guy who was very mentally unwell (he tried to kill his mother because he thought she was trying to poison him), he was committed to a treatment facility where they changed his meds and he can now function happily and successfully.

AwkwardKitty

Hi Chilled

I also have a diagnosis of OCD and my therapist thinks I developed it in early childhood. I always have it but it varies in severity. I have hit rock bottom where I was barely leaving the house and unanle to function at all. I thought life was over. I spent all my time panicking Iwas about to die and at the same time wishing I was dead. I have a combination of symptoms but do have magical thinking too. My therapist worked through my thoughts with me. It took a lot of work to write everything down all the time when my panic attacks were continuous but I kept working at it. I got pregnant (unexpectedly) in the middle of my worse episode so my motivator for working through it was my baby. If I hadnt been pregnant I honestly dont know if I'd have been strong enough to carry on.

I dont really have any advice other than hang on in there. Everything is temporary, the worst and the best days, everything changes all the time and you have to stay here and see what the future will bring. I know its so hard. Ocd is evil. Sending hugs xx

AwkwardKitty

I used to be afraid to walk upstairs in case it triggered a heart attack or to have a batn in case the water was too hot and I went into shock. Its hard to understand when you dont have ocd just how ridiculously consuming the condition is. Danger is everywhere.

You really need professional support. Do you have anyone supportive to help you? Family or friends?