Dee74

If things are as bad as you say & you can't act for yourself and your well being it wouldn't hurt to go to hospital Chilled.

Be safe.

D

Chilledice

It's crippling it really is just SADISTIC torture!

All because of a number! ....im actually scared of my age because im in my 30s and 3 is part of.13 sooooooo I could have nearly a decade of terror!

I only had that thing about my age for about ten days or so.......13 has been a issue for a while now.

It's just like my brain thinks random magical fearful stuff up all the time!

My therapist assured me im not crazy and said I have an intelligent mind on me and we have to work on changing my perspective on 13

I KNOW deep down in my heart that its JUST A NUMBER.....but the brain doesn't realise the difference between false danger and real danger, its ME I was the one who assigned the danger.


Ughhh exhausted!

Chilledice

My parents have suggested it!...I didn't want it to come to this but I might have to go in!

Dee74

Comfy bed, waited on hand and foot, medical attention - whats not to like chilled

D

saoutchik

It does sound as though you would be a lot better off there Chillie, it is probably better to do it now than Friday evening when it will likely be busy.

DontRemember

I had pretty bad panic attacks throughout the night/early morning last night/today. I even had a freaking fan blowing on me from 3ft away thinking to myself; "You should get up and point that another direction for your allergies"...I just laid there and stared at the fan..crippled! I'm sure this is what led to my thoughts of a drink today. I do have some possible medical stuff coming too and a bad breakup that I'm still processing ,so I know that was part of it. I actually have thought I was going crazy today. Even driving two miles to my meeting I had the feeling of 'doom'. I just try and take it like my drinking/codie habits. One day at a time. Hang in there and seek face to face treatment if possible.

Chilledice

Phoning the mental health team tomorrow so maybe they can just admitt me straight in, if I dial an ambulance they will first take me to the hospital which is in the city, will be rammed with people and I'd have a ten hour wait at least.....that's too distressing.

Good news is that the psychiatric hospital is about 2 miles away unlike the city one.

Jezzi

I so feel for you chilled. I have some OCD thoughts surrounding illness and sometimes random things out of my control, but not nearly as crippling as you're describing. Even the lower level thoughts I have are terrible to suffer through so I can't imagine! You're stronger than you think, give yourself credit. I sincerely hope you find some one, or some thing, that can help you. I'm rooting for you.

Chilledice

I'm sorry for your troubles, nothing is worth drinking over and your doing great staying sober! Early sobriety is never easy but here we are not picking up.

Chilledice

Thank you Jezzi, your awesome!

saoutchik

Fingers crossed for tomorrow Chillie

Purplrks3647

(((Chilledice))) Glad to hear you're going to get help

thomas11

Just wanted to chime in an offer my support. the mind is incredibly powerful and can be used for good or bad. Let's try to use it for good! Hang in there Chilledice.

trailmix

Hi Chilled,

I've read a few of your posts and just want to offer my support as well. I want you to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I was also agoraphobic for pretty much 8 years. I didn't really leave my house for 6 years. It was hellish. I didn't drink so I coped by shutting down my feelings/thoughts because, as you know, they can be so overwhelming.

Reactions to our thoughts and to things around us (whether that is conquering the shower or going in to the basement) can be so magnified.

Long story short, that is no longer the case for me. I didn't have any medication (couldn't go get any) and no therapy BUT the mind heals. Now, i'm all for getting any help you can and encourage you as others have here. If you can go and seek that help tomorrow please do. There is no need to live the way you are, I know it's hard to do but there is help available.

Berrybean

I know it sounds impossible but it's not - we need to lean into the fear. And I remember having weeks of praying every night that I could just die and not ever wake up again. I had counselling as well. I told her half truths - the bits that didn't make me look so bad - so that didn't really work very well apart from getting me to notice how crippled with fear I was - of the truth. Of others judging me. Of rejection. And yes, it did feel crippling.

In the short term music is a great way of refocussing - maybe pop some on that you know lifts your mood. And that shower sounds like a great plan. Also, check those HALTtriggers and adress any that are needed - Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired?

Thing is - we can only make suggestions based on what worked for us. And you (and anyone else) are perfectly at liberty to ignore them and carry on just as before. But if what you're doing isn't working - which I suspect it isn't (just going by the personal hygiene routine, inability to get out of your place, and wishing you were dead) then it would seem that trying some of the stuff that worked for others is a bit of a no-brainer.

The folk on here who now have a happy and fulfilling sober life weren't always that way. We didn't just put the bottle down and things got better. We needed to do certain things to get to that stage. A lot of the time we didn't really want to do those things. I was, personally, quite terrified by some of them - but not as terrified as I became of staying how I was. And then I realised that I was just doing the same thing over and over and expecting things to change - and realised that I needed to be the catalyst for change. No sobriety fairy was going to come and sprinkle me with recovery dust, no matter how long I curled up and hoped for it. So I decided to take control of my breathing like the nice doctor had shown me, and lean into my fears.

The point is not being fearless. Every hero in the world would have felt some fear as they faced their battle. If he didn't he wouldn't be a hero, he'd have just been insane. The point is, the felt the fear and did it anyway. Rescuing ourselves is the same in as much as we need to feel the fear and do it anyway. I did this **** and so can you.

BB xxx

Nowsthetime

Hi Chilled!

I'm my opinion you are doing my well by coming here and talking it out. It's a process that needs to happen. No magic solution. Talk it out and work it out!

I'm proud that you are putting yourself out here!

Gilmer

Good luck today, Chilledice!

Seren

Good morning, Chilled! er, rather, good afternoon in your part of the world

Please do contact your mental health team today. You deserve to live a happy and worry-free life. Please reach out for all the help you can get.

Sending you happy thoughts and warm, good wishes, Chilled!

heavencanwait

chilledice - I hope you are OK. Thinking about you today. Please let us know.

Chilledice

My friend is coming over and then sorting it all out.....I need my friend with me to do this,scared big time.

Thanks for the support guys, love to you all.