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Borderline alcoholic looking for advice

Old 08-24-2017, 01:10 PM
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Borderline alcoholic looking for advice

Hi,

My name's Scott and I'm an alcoholic. That's how you're meant to start, right?

**** jokes aside, I've got a bit of a problem with alcohol and cocaine, but it's the alcohol that leads on to the cocaine so I really need to tackle the alcohol first.

Since I left school I've always been what I'd call a pisshead and managed to keep it quite steadily under control for about 10 or 15 years but it's been escalating to the point that I'm now what I'd call a borderline alcoholic and cokehead who's wishing to nip this in the bud.
This last month I and others have been noticing that my face is turning a little pink so it's hit home that I need to do something about it.

I don't mean to be big headed but I feel that the main problem is that I've got a lot of different groups of mates. I've got my main group of mates, my brothers mates, my workmates and my old school mates that I see every now and then. Pretty much all like to drink.

Since they all know I like a drink I get a lot of them requesting me to come out for a beer quite regularly. I often feel like it's rude to say no and say yes straight away. If I manage to say no I often get badgered a bit and usually end up caving in anyway.

This often results in me going out 3 nights a week, on top of that I'll potentially drink at home 1 night a week. So I'm probably drinking more nights than not and each night ends up in a heavy session.

Anyway, long story short, I need to learn to say no and to stop wanting to say yes. Ideally I'd cut it down to 1 night a week on the beers.

I don't know where to start or what to do. Can anybody help me please?
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Old 08-24-2017, 01:25 PM
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I was also the always down to hang/party 'friend' and I had a lot of friends too! You can check my thread history on here and see how this **** gets worse! Make a plan and stick with it.. "no thanks" is all you have to tell your friends and trust me, If you're on the internet looking for advice on this...They likely already know you have a problem and I'm sure some of them do too! Make a plan and work the hell out of it!


Edit: By the way..This is a GREAT site with lots of support and advice! I only wish I'd paid more attention to what I was told when I signed up.
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Old 08-24-2017, 01:34 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

It's pretty hard to be a borderline alcoholic. If you're not an alcoholic then you should have no trouble stopping or controlling your drinking. If you cannot stop or control your drinking, then you are likely an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will worsen unless you stop drinking.

I hope you make the decision to stop drinking and to live a sober life.
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Old 08-24-2017, 01:58 PM
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Originally Posted by DontRemember View Post
I was also the always down to hang/party 'friend' and I had a lot of friends too! You can check my thread history on here and see how this **** gets worse! Make a plan and stick with it.. "no thanks" is all you have to tell your friends and trust me, If you're on the internet looking for advice on this...They likely already know you have a problem and I'm sure some of them do too! Make a plan and work the hell out of it!

Edit: By the way..This is a GREAT site with lots of support and advice! I only wish I'd paid more attention to what I was told when I signed up.
Hey, thanks for the advice. I'll try to have a look around and see what I can find on this site.
I've got a spreadsheet called life where I make my plans, my problem is sticking to them :P
To be honest I haven't really made a decent plan recently so I should give it another go.
You're right about people already knowing, I get friends and family occasionally asking me if I think I'm an alcoholic. I usually answer that I'm more of a pisshead, the last mate that got that answer said that he thinks I could quite easily add a raging onto the front of that
I couldn't really argue with that.
I guess it's about making plans and figuring out how to stick to them then. I'll try to start drawing up some plans tomorrow after a good nights sleep. Cheers!


Originally Posted by Anna View Post
Hi and Welcome,

It's pretty hard to be a borderline alcoholic. If you're not an alcoholic then you should have no trouble stopping or controlling your drinking. If you cannot stop or control your drinking, then you are likely an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will worsen unless you stop drinking.

I hope you make the decision to stop drinking and to live a sober life.
Hi Anna, and thank you

I guess by that definition then I am an alcoholic? Although I can sometimes stop and control my drinking, I took a month off in November but as soon as the month was over I seemed to make up for it straight away. I came back from a stag do which involved a lot of drinking 5 days ago and have had no desire to drink since then and feel that I'm going to quite easily go another 7 days without drinking now with the plan to take a month off.

The problem is, I like going out and drinking with my friends and I value the good times I have with my friends while out drinking.
At the moment I have no desire to live a totally sober life and want to be able to learn to control my drinking so that I don't need to go to what would feel to me to be like such a drastic measure.

I do appreciate your advice and I hope I don't sound like I'm dismissing it as I am taking it on board but at the moment I want to give moderation a try rather than refusing alcohol altogether. If anybody thinks I'm kidding myself though, feel free to tell me
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Old 08-24-2017, 02:01 PM
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If you can moderate your drinking, that's great for you. I understand stopping drinking is scary and as you pointed out, it would involve lifestyle changes with friends, etc.

However, this board is for abstinence and we do not encourage moderation.
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Old 08-24-2017, 02:07 PM
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hey cupid, as a recovery board we won't be handing out a lot of advice on how to moderate or control your drinking. we are the result of what happens when we tried!!!

however if you are not an alcoholic or addict, then managing your consumption shouldn't be a real problem. for many it's not THAT they drink, it's what happens when they DO drink. for many it is the inability to stop drinking after the first one. or when threatened with job loss, wife loss, children loss, home loss, personal freedom loss to keep on drinking anyways.

if you're a cokehead, you KNOW it.....that insatiable desire for more. first thought when you get up, last thought at night.

i encourage to consider that drinking is a choice you make, not something the mates make you do. and that just because someone invites you somewhere, you CAN say no. it's not like these guys meet once a year right?

i hope you find some answers here. good luck.
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Old 08-24-2017, 02:12 PM
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Cupidstunt (hilarious name btw!) Just popping by to say hi and welcome! It's not that you're necessarily kidding yourself (but you could well be) it's just that I and many others round here have experienced how progressive this thing is. It creeps up on you like the insidious creature it is. I know what I am. I'm an alcoholic. I'll never undo that. Ever. The only way for me is total abstinence forever.
The topic of moderation does tend to open up a bit of a can of worms round these parts but of course we all find our own way that works for us (if we are fortunate and work hard at it)
You sound like perhaps you are still quite young? Anyway that aside recognising you have a problem (albeit borderline?) is a good start. Best thing you can do IMO is get really honest. With yourself I mean. Read around here. There are so many great threads, great people, great support too.
But PLEASE don't underestimate what this thing can do to you over time. The lads nights out won't last forever and then what?
Take care and stick around! xx
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Old 08-24-2017, 02:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
If you can moderate your drinking, that's great for you. I understand stopping drinking is scary and as you pointed out, it would involve lifestyle changes with friends, etc.

However, this board is for abstinence and we do not encourage moderation.
Thank you, I understand.

I cannot reply to your private message yet as I don't have enough posts but I'm happy for you to change my username to something less offensive. Off the top of my head "HappyGoLucky" will do fine. Just on the off chance that's taken "Bergkampsballs" will also do fine.

Also, thanks to the other replies so far I've enjoyed reading them but really need to get to sleep right now so will come back tomorrow to reply
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Old 08-24-2017, 02:38 PM
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autocorrect would have a field day...........
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Old 08-24-2017, 02:42 PM
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All your problems with alcohol and cocaine will stop if you never consume either ever again. Yeah?
Consuming them involves problems, so the plan is to try and have only the right kind of problems ? Doesn't sound like a good plan.
Isn't cocaine possession illegal where you are? Going to prison even just for moderate use doesn't sound like a rational risk, let alone the biological consequences which would make incarceration pale in comparison, figuring out a way to include those risks in your life in a moderate fashion? Doesn't sound very rational.
Enjoying that buzz is powerful, yeah? But is it worth it, i.e. rational?
15 years post school , so pushing close to forty, yeah? Cocaine use is dangerous for a twenty year old heart and vascular system, let alone a 'conditioned' one.
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Old 08-24-2017, 04:18 PM
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At least you are thinking about it and you have found this place. Once the pain of using outweighs the pleasure you will be ready to put it to rest. Sounds like you aren't quite there yet...
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Old 08-25-2017, 05:21 AM
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Welcome. Make a plan. Seek lots of support if need be.
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Old 08-25-2017, 01:37 PM
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII View Post
hey cupid, as a recovery board we won't be handing out a lot of advice on how to moderate or control your drinking. we are the result of what happens when we tried!!!

however if you are not an alcoholic or addict, then managing your consumption shouldn't be a real problem. for many it's not THAT they drink, it's what happens when they DO drink. for many it is the inability to stop drinking after the first one. or when threatened with job loss, wife loss, children loss, home loss, personal freedom loss to keep on drinking anyways.

if you're a cokehead, you KNOW it.....that insatiable desire for more. first thought when you get up, last thought at night.

i encourage to consider that drinking is a choice you make, not something the mates make you do. and that just because someone invites you somewhere, you CAN say no. it's not like these guys meet once a year right?

i hope you find some answers here. good luck.
Lol, I like the way you put that second sentence

I understand that I'm probably not the same level of alcoholic as the rest of this forums posters and I mean this in no disrespectful way to anybody but I guess my main reason for coming here is to avoid getting to that level before abstinence becomes necessary.

I don't mean this in a condescending way but if I don't talk about moderation outside of this thread is it OK to ask a few questions about it in this thread only or would that be a bit disrespectful to those that can no longer entertain such thoughts?

I've actually had a PM with what looks like good advice on moderation from a member here but I cannot reply to PM's just yet due to post count.
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Old 08-25-2017, 01:53 PM
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Originally Posted by joandmelandhan View Post
Cupidstunt (hilarious name btw!) Just popping by to say hi and welcome! It's not that you're necessarily kidding yourself (but you could well be) it's just that I and many others round here have experienced how progressive this thing is. It creeps up on you like the insidious creature it is. I know what I am. I'm an alcoholic. I'll never undo that. Ever. The only way for me is total abstinence forever.
The topic of moderation does tend to open up a bit of a can of worms round these parts but of course we all find our own way that works for us (if we are fortunate and work hard at it)
You sound like perhaps you are still quite young? Anyway that aside recognising you have a problem (albeit borderline?) is a good start. Best thing you can do IMO is get really honest. With yourself I mean. Read around here. There are so many great threads, great people, great support too.
But PLEASE don't underestimate what this thing can do to you over time. The lads nights out won't last forever and then what?
Take care and stick around! xx
Haha, why thank you Although it seems some users didn't see the funny side :P

I do understand why talk of moderation on a forum like this could be a problem and I'm happy to stop talking about it if specifically asked to which I don't believe that I have been yet but that is my goal as I don't feel that total abstinence is necessary for me just yet and total abstinence would mean that I can't do the things that I enjoy doing most.
My goal is to learn to moderate significantly better before total abstinence becomes a necessity but if that means that this forum isn't for me then I'll understand that and move on to something more suitable.
I'd be grateful if anybody might be able to suggest a place that is more suited to somebody like me to chat things over.
I'm not all that young, 33 to be precise.

Thank you, I appreciate the sound advice that you've given and feel that I realise what it can do and feel that I'm seeing signs in myself of heading towards that downwards spiral.
In fact I'm slightly proud of myself for coming here as early as I have, better too early than too late, right!

Thank you x
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Old 08-25-2017, 01:56 PM
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It might be worth thinking about all things you want from life. At the moment you're focussed on getting out of it with your mates, one of whom has described you as a raving alcoholic. Aside from that, what's important to you? I found that going out and getting drunk all the time was not compatible with getting fit, developing my career, saving money, doing my hobbies and being attractive to girls and holding down a relationship. Some people can balance their drinking with success in all those other areas. Most of us who came to this forum have found we cannot.
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Old 08-25-2017, 01:57 PM
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Originally Posted by HappyGoLucky1 View Post
I don't mean this in a condescending way but if I don't talk about moderation outside of this thread is it OK to ask a few questions about it in this thread only or would that be a bit disrespectful to those that can no longer entertain such thoughts?
It's against our rules to promote the use of drugs or alcohol in any way. I hope you understand.
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Old 08-25-2017, 01:59 PM
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Originally Posted by sunshine72 View Post
At least you are thinking about it and you have found this place. Once the pain of using outweighs the pleasure you will be ready to put it to rest. Sounds like you aren't quite there yet...
Although I agree that I'm not quite there yet I find your words of wisdom very easy to relate too. I realise that when I've spent all my money and start feeling down about myself I'm able to find the motivation for temporary abstinence and moderation, the problem is when I pull myself back out of the hole I lose that willpower and the self destructive cycle starts again. I have been through just a few of these cycles and need to learn to stick to a plan when times are good, I guess that's the hardest part for me at the moment.
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Old 08-25-2017, 02:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
It's against our rules to promote the use of drugs or alcohol in any way. I hope you understand.
Understood. I guess my only question left then is if anybody can point me in the direction of somewhere more suited for me. Maybe I need to call a talk to frank type number or something.

Thanks for your patience
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Old 08-25-2017, 02:04 PM
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Originally Posted by HappyGoLucky1 View Post
Lol, I like the way you put that second sentence

I understand that I'm probably not the same level of alcoholic as the rest of this forums posters and I mean this in no disrespectful way to anybody but I guess my main reason for coming here is to avoid getting to that level before abstinence becomes necessary.

I don't mean this in a condescending way but if I don't talk about moderation outside of this thread is it OK to ask a few questions about it in this thread only or would that be a bit disrespectful to those that can no longer entertain such thoughts?

I've actually had a PM with what looks like good advice on moderation from a member here but I cannot reply to PM's just yet due to post count.
I tried to moderate and just couldn't after a while. I was never homeless,make great money being self employed, own my home and a few rentals/investments,ect... I thought I was HIGH functioning because I was doing good on the outside. HAD a beautiful gf( again..on the outside..long story but it's in my past threads here), Started losing some clients because I wasn't performing well. Started noticing some 'friends' asking me about my lifestyle choices(work,financial decisions,relationship decisions,legal troubles,ect.) and then after a year or two, started distancing themselves. Then I noticed that my life had become; wake up, maybe get sick from the night before,shower,check work things,go to a lunch meeting and start drinking,then go to the bar with my gf(ex) and drink for 3-6hrs. That was my routine for the better part of the last few years at minimum of 4 nights a week and probably close to 6 nights. That's NOT living at all. I was stuck on groundhog day. Vacations? Had to have the all inclusive because the ex and I both liked to drink. Thinking back now, I really don't remember much of any of our trips without seeing a photo. Just know this crap is progressive.
Anyways..stick around and reach out when you feel you need some support.
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Old 08-25-2017, 02:05 PM
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You can google Moderation Management. It might be what you're looking for. If you plan to stop drinking, you are more than welcome here.
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