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Old 08-24-2017, 11:10 AM   #1 (permalink)
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im out of ideas


hi im 39 and i've been sitting here drinking since last night. i called off work today so i can keep on drinking. i'm a son to two alcoholic parents that died a long time ago. i started drinking at 14 and realized i couldn't stop at around 19. i spent my20s in and out of jail. in my late 20s i had a son then a daughter a few years later and that mellowed me out a little but eventually i became an everyday blackout drunk. in the last year i've been on and off antibuse and that cleaned me up for a few months, but when i started drinking again i was way worse. i got another dui to make it 4 lifetime. i get stupid drunk and make an ass out of myself when i go anywhere. my wife is done and only stays with me because i'm the only income. i just sat here this morning and came to the conclusion that i'm in a really bad situation and i am out of ideas. i called aa and they said go to a meeting and i know thats the answer or at least i hope thats the answer. if that doesn't work then i am completely hopeless. i don't know what excactly i'm looking for but i feel like putting myself out there might be a step in the right direction. maybe someone can relate. right now i can 100% tell you that i'm an alcoholic and i just want to do something with that realization before i sober up and feel better and tell myself i am just as normal as any other drinker. thanks
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Old 08-24-2017, 11:23 AM   #2 (permalink)
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It sounds like you should seriously consider treatment. If you've been drinking the whole day for multiple days a detox is probably a good idea. When I was getting evaluated for the program that I'm currently in, they reminded me that this is a disease just like any other in terms of employment. Just like they wouldn't fire you from having to go into long-term cancer treatment, they won't, actually can't, let you go for seeking treatment. It's a huge step, and a huge commitment, and it makes you feel very vulnerableat first, but three weeks later it's already becoming one of the best decisions I've ever made
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Old 08-24-2017, 11:29 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Sounds like things have been bad for you a long time. Alcohol has made you suffer enough surely? Many here on SR feel that AA has saved them....it is worth a try? Hope you can see a doctor to help you with withdrawal too.
Life can be better for you than this. Alcohol causes so much pain in the end.
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Old 08-24-2017, 11:42 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Hello and welcome!

First start reading around and building a plan. I have never done aa and many in this site haven't either and have been successful. It is all about what works for you, being prepared and working your plan. There is a lot of support and resources in this place and I am really happy that you found us and that you posted.

Alcoholism is progressive and nasty! It doesn't have to be this way.
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Old 08-24-2017, 12:15 PM   #5 (permalink)
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welcome, convinced.
what i read seems to be what i was given- the gift of desperation.
thats when i started AA. i went to meetings, read the big book, prayed like crazy( and very greatful to have learned that is was the God of MY understanding i could pray to), went to meetings, got a sponsor to guide me through the steps,prayed like crazy, went to meetings, started doing what the big book suggested.............
repeat.
over time,ever single promise in the big book that said would happen if i followed a few simple suggestions happened for me and in my life.

i will say it wasnt overnight- i had what the big book calls the mental obsession- an extremely strong compulsion to drink- for quite some time. years of using alcohol as a solution for everything, it was rather engrained in me and going to take time to learn new ways to live life on lifes terms.

it was well worth the fight.
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Old 08-24-2017, 12:17 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR, well you've taken a good first step. You might be out of ideas, but there will be many people that come along and provide you with more ideas and different approaches to sobriety. The one I can tell you with certainty is that your life for yourself and your family will be immeasurably better if you live a sober life. First things first though, you need to sober up and get healthy again. You sounds a bit depressed. You have the power within you to make the change. If not, there is no shame in seeking treatment to save your life.
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Old 08-24-2017, 12:26 PM   #7 (permalink)
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How about the idea that you don't 'have' to be an alcoholic?

An idea I never really considered, I mean given every thing I thought I knew about addiction , that sentence didn't even make sense. But then I stumbled on SR and found out about AVRT/RR , great threads here on SR in the Secular Connections forum about those ideas.

I realized I didn't have to an alcoholic anymore or ever again. I could just Quit, for good, never drink again , the only thing that stopped me was the little voice in my head that said that was impossible. i learned how to 'hear' that voice and basically tell IT to go to hell, I was done , I had enough.

If you had enough , If you're done , believe that you definitely can be, you can put that bottle down , for good, no matter what, walk away , the only thing that says you can't is the little effing voice that has you convinced to believe IT, don't !

I think it's a great idea , hope it's a new for you and you use it.

wish you well and hope to see you around
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Old 08-24-2017, 12:41 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I'm glad you are here seeking support and I hope you take a look at this thread which is full of programs and ideas that we have used to recover:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
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Old 08-24-2017, 12:44 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by convinced77 View Post
hi im 39 and i've been sitting here drinking since last night. i called off work today so i can keep on drinking. i'm a son to two alcoholic parents that died a long time ago. i started drinking at 14 and realized i couldn't stop at around 19. i spent my20s in and out of jail. in my late 20s i had a son then a daughter a few years later and that mellowed me out a little but eventually i became an everyday blackout drunk. in the last year i've been on and off antibuse and that cleaned me up for a few months, but when i started drinking again i was way worse. i got another dui to make it 4 lifetime. i get stupid drunk and make an ass out of myself when i go anywhere. my wife is done and only stays with me because i'm the only income. i just sat here this morning and came to the conclusion that i'm in a really bad situation and i am out of ideas. i called aa and they said go to a meeting and i know thats the answer or at least i hope thats the answer. if that doesn't work then i am completely hopeless. i don't know what excactly i'm looking for but i feel like putting myself out there might be a step in the right direction. maybe someone can relate. right now i can 100% tell you that i'm an alcoholic and i just want to do something with that realization before i sober up and feel better and tell myself i am just as normal as any other drinker. thanks

I have been where you are in many ways. It feels awful, eh? I found AA really helped me when I was wavering. Good luck. x
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Old 08-24-2017, 01:01 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Kiddo a huge punch in the arm from this side of sober.. the only person that wants the change is you and you have to want it to stop the problem.. most of us were in the same terrible fitting shoes not long ago..
1, What do you really Want....
2. What are you willing to do to get what you Want
3. What is more important to you ..... life or the bottle.

the Man in the Mirror only he can change the out come of You.. love and prayers a Mom.. a Lady Clown.. a bad drunk.....
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Old 08-24-2017, 01:25 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Welcome. I'm glad you're here and posting.

It is probably worth getting yourself checked over by your doctor as well a hitting those AA meetings. You know, Tomsteve is completely right about that gift of desperation. It didn't feel like a gift at the time, but there was suddenly a level of desperation; feeling like there was a big tsunami wave building up behind me and my whole world was about to implode if i didn't get out,and quick. I hated who and what I'd become and what my life was. It felt like there was no way out. Turned out there was a secret tunnel called Sobriety. I snuck myself out that tunnel on my hands and knees and when I emerged after a little while sober and the startings of some recovery work Icouldn't quite believe what life looked like on the other side.

Of course - it's never a done job. The recovery work is a work in progress, but it is more than worth it for what I get out of it.

I wish you all the best for your sobriety and recovery, and look forward to your future posts. It'll be a pleasure to see your progress from desperation to serenity. I have no doubt you can do this - IF you want it enough.

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Old 08-24-2017, 01:52 PM   #12 (permalink)
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yeah,man...I'd walk through the doors of a few different AA meetings around you and check it out. I always suggest 'open' meetings or even a speaker meeting, at first. Listen to others who have been or are currently at your point with the bottle. They're a bunch of us! BUT...make a solid plan and try your hardest(like your life depends on it...it does!) to stick to it..Start with #1..No more drinking and go from there.. It's hard,but it is worth it! Welcome to SR, by the way! That's a good 1st step in realizing you need support! Hang in there and your life will change before your very eyes.
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Old 08-24-2017, 03:00 PM   #13 (permalink)
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just what i needed

wow i really needed to hear the encouragement from everyone and i greatly appreciate it. thank you. i've slept a couple hours since my last post but my conclusion is still the same. i can't drink anymore period. i don't think i'll need to detox because i just came off of a 2 week quit and i don't feel too jittery or really too bad at all. i really think that aa is the best way to go for me. at least for the time being. i've tried to do it alone and i just can't resist the compulsion to start and when i start i cant quit. i just called off work this morning because i was still on the drunk i started at quitting time the previous day. i want to drink right now as i'm sitting here beating myself up over my last bender. i'm not in any shape to go to a meeting tonight but i'll be in one everyday starting tomorrow until who knows when. i remember someone telling me a long time ago to go after recovery as i would go after drinking. if i wanna drink there aint a whole lot that'd stop me so i need to put the same drive into my recovery. im going to lean on this forum alot as well. its already giving me alot of hope and encouragement and i owe it all to you people. i'm looking forward to getting to know everyone and hopefully i can get to a place where i can be helpful to others. thanks again and nice to meet everyone.
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Old 08-24-2017, 03:13 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Welcome, convinced. It's great to have you join us. You already have been helpful to others by coming here & telling your story.

You admit you're an alcoholic & you behave in a reckless way when drunk. Some people never see the truth - be thankful you do. You're still young and can turn this whole thing around. I knew in my 20's I didn't drink like others - but I still let it tear my life apart - always thinking I would somehow learn to control it. As the years went on I became completely dependent on it - took it to work, drove, did all the things I swore I never would. I was much older than you when I found SR - and I wasn't sure what I was looking for either. The friendly support and suggestions were wonderful - so I never left. I'm now almost 10 yrs. sober. I know you can reclaim your life. We are with you.
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Old 08-24-2017, 03:19 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I have a feeling that you will get a lot from AA.
For me it was like discovering that I had a secret family I'd never known about and the were all like me (but saner, at the start) .
Let us know how the meeting goes. Do you know what to expect? If not there are some good threads on here about what to expect at an AA meeting if you do a search.
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Old 08-24-2017, 04:06 PM   #16 (permalink)
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yes i actually started working the steps years ago but didn't stay with it, so i have an idea what to expect. its really a kind of relief to identify the problem and know that is what i need to work on. i mean i always knew in the back of my head but only want to admit it when im feeling sick or embarassed from something i did when i was drunk. but when im feeling good ill tell myself i can drink like anyone else. well i don't have anymore doubts that i'm a full blown alcoholic. i mean i can't believe the way i drink. i was actually missing the good old days when my benders only lasted one day as opposed to two or three and going to work drunk or just calling off work all together. anyway i really hope to put all that behind me.alcohol has been hurting me since before i even drank. watching my parents go through hell. its really played a big part in my life. too much so and i can't stand the thought of my children growing up to go through the same hell. for me drinking was part of being an adult because thats what i saw. i really hope my kids dont see it like i did. its time to stop this cycle
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Old 08-24-2017, 04:17 PM   #17 (permalink)
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As for your 'family stuff', I'd suggest after a couple days sober you check out the friends/family section of this site for some extra motivation to continue on the path of less destruction(sobriety/sanity). Really opens our eyes to what our 'loved ones' have been put through, dealing with our crap.
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Old 08-25-2017, 06:07 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Welcome. You can do this. Find all the support you need.
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