I just found a reason to hang on
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 178
I just found a reason to hang on
I'm on day 122 and I don't know why but I thought I would have felt better about this by now. I still think about and crave drinking daily. I feel dull, lifeless, left out, like I lost my best friend or a limb or something. Always have the feeling like there is no end to this. Like this is what my life will be forever. I read all the posts about how incredible people are feeling and how they have a new lease on life. What is my problem?
About a month ago my 16 year old daughter announced that she is saving up to take me on a trip to Scotland after she graduates high school. Just her and I. My husband and I raised three kids and we never had enough to go very far or do much for vacations. For my girl to tell me she was taking me was really special. I figured it was just some silly thought she had in her head and that she would soon enough forget. Well a month has passed and I was just lying in bed and she knocked on my door and proudly showed me the jar that she's actually saving the money in!! I can't tell you how light that made my heart feel. I do believe my girl just gave me something. Not the trip, but an unintended gift. She just gave me the reason to hang on. My love for her is the reason. My love for all three. ❤
About a month ago my 16 year old daughter announced that she is saving up to take me on a trip to Scotland after she graduates high school. Just her and I. My husband and I raised three kids and we never had enough to go very far or do much for vacations. For my girl to tell me she was taking me was really special. I figured it was just some silly thought she had in her head and that she would soon enough forget. Well a month has passed and I was just lying in bed and she knocked on my door and proudly showed me the jar that she's actually saving the money in!! I can't tell you how light that made my heart feel. I do believe my girl just gave me something. Not the trip, but an unintended gift. She just gave me the reason to hang on. My love for her is the reason. My love for all three. ❤
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 7
I can relate to you. There's times when I feel so lame. Alcohol is the only way to feel alive and have fun. Sobriety is peaceful. Congrats on the 122 days. I welcome good surprises, like a trip to Scotland. I would love to go there. Everything happens for a reason.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
That is so sweet, luckyday. I have a daughter about that age.. and the sobriety you are building now will be a lasting gift to, not only yourself, but also to her. I'm sure by doing this for you she's trying to nurture you, and comfort you, knowing what you've gone through. That speaks volumes for her, and for you!
Having said that.. I worry about how sad you sound. I wonder if something more may be going on... than just missing the routine of alcohol. Have you ever talked to a doctor or therapist about possible depression?
In my case, I am sure, depression and anxiety were what LED to my drinking in the first place, but then drinking -- ironically and inevitably -- made it worse. Quitting on its own is not going to necessarly solve any underlying issues of that sort, if they are there.
I don't mean to presume, and only trying to help, but just wondered if you'd considered if some depression may be part of the mix.
Hugs to you
Having said that.. I worry about how sad you sound. I wonder if something more may be going on... than just missing the routine of alcohol. Have you ever talked to a doctor or therapist about possible depression?
In my case, I am sure, depression and anxiety were what LED to my drinking in the first place, but then drinking -- ironically and inevitably -- made it worse. Quitting on its own is not going to necessarly solve any underlying issues of that sort, if they are there.
I don't mean to presume, and only trying to help, but just wondered if you'd considered if some depression may be part of the mix.
Hugs to you
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
After reading your post these thoughts came to mind:
What are you telling yourself about alcohol that makes you have the desire to drink?
Have you put something in place after the removal of alcohol?
Example: When I stopped drinking, I knew that I needed to fill that time with something else. I couldn't just remove a daily habit and think that my life would be better after the removal. Not saying you are doing that at all!
I have always been a runner and am more prone to use my body in a laborious way. I dedicated myself to a 5:30 am wake up, 5 days a week. I go to the gym and run everyday before I work. Some days are better than others but this structure has allowed me be more productive in my life. By the time I get home after the day, I am ready for a bath, for dinner and for sleep.
I think the message that I am trying to convey is:
A vacuum was created when alcohol was removed. Fill that space with something that you find to be healthy, worthwhile and productive.
You can also tell me to go kick rocks.
I assure you the desire to drink does go away. It will not always be present. I had to change my thoughts on the matter.
What are you telling yourself about alcohol that makes you have the desire to drink?
Have you put something in place after the removal of alcohol?
Example: When I stopped drinking, I knew that I needed to fill that time with something else. I couldn't just remove a daily habit and think that my life would be better after the removal. Not saying you are doing that at all!
I have always been a runner and am more prone to use my body in a laborious way. I dedicated myself to a 5:30 am wake up, 5 days a week. I go to the gym and run everyday before I work. Some days are better than others but this structure has allowed me be more productive in my life. By the time I get home after the day, I am ready for a bath, for dinner and for sleep.
I think the message that I am trying to convey is:
A vacuum was created when alcohol was removed. Fill that space with something that you find to be healthy, worthwhile and productive.
You can also tell me to go kick rocks.
I assure you the desire to drink does go away. It will not always be present. I had to change my thoughts on the matter.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 2
I understand
I totally understand. It's heartbreaking to me to always hear about the profound spiritual changes and higher quality of life so many experience after quitting (not criticizing them though!), when every time it seems I try to quit life becomes as you described (that's always been my go to rationalization: alcohol is a necessity for sensitivity, followed by an obsessive pursuit of famous writers and musicians who heroically used to further their creativity--love Stephen King to discredit this; it's still insidious though). It could be some underlying depression or anxiety or both and talking to your doctor and living a very healthy lifestyle might be useful.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome Flanders 
As a musician I can absolutely assure you I play better and write better sober - it takes a little more effort and discipline, sure, but for me thats a trade off I'm happy to take, seeing as drinking ultimately crushed my music career first time around.
I'm still sensitive too - I care very deeply about the things that are important to me - but I'm not longer so afraid of feeling that I have to run and hide in a bottle.
I used to believe alcohol was a necessity for me too but I have a decade now that says otherwise
D
As a musician I can absolutely assure you I play better and write better sober - it takes a little more effort and discipline, sure, but for me thats a trade off I'm happy to take, seeing as drinking ultimately crushed my music career first time around.
I'm still sensitive too - I care very deeply about the things that are important to me - but I'm not longer so afraid of feeling that I have to run and hide in a bottle.
I used to believe alcohol was a necessity for me too but I have a decade now that says otherwise
D
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