OVERIT

(((((((((((To ALL of you "newbies")))))))))))))))))))


WELCOME TO SR!!!!!

I have WAY under 30 days sobriety to my belt. BUT, I WANT TO KICK THIS THING IN THE @SS!!!!!!!!!! So, join me, in that. I PROMISE to be your friend and your confidate. I will walk through this together with you. All, I ask is that you walk with me too and join this group here and try your d@mdest to stay sober.

Love to all,

Ang


p.s. Come join us on the Hop on the Newbie Bus Thread. Kind of silly, but we have a good time!!!!!!!!!

(we all know what your are going through (((((hugs))))))))))

MightyJester160

seems like noone gives a shiot that im going through hell right now ... truth of the matter is im not really. this is my fourth time faceing down my addiction.. wait fifth... the first time i was born into it and thought thats life.. diddnt even know i was worthy of being something.. stripped of my essence beliefs by my real mother the actual satan. not the one you all think youre afraid of yet have never seen. blazing through my 20s and early 30s like there was everyone to blame and a very few select people worth trusting.. none of which were my maternal family members ... shocked ... dont be when its time to help yourself and youve been down the road ive been down and you dont see any of your siblings getting any type of help...RUN... i could have shaved 7 years of abuse off my life if id just listened to the Mrs Jester when we first met...

such is life.. heres a freebie... i payed dearly for this tidbit of info so dont take it lightly if you dont get it right away, "education comes at a price".

were way passed the colledge thingy here people ...


i mean ... well you ponder it but do me a favor and just take a few moments to think of the things youve payed to learn...think...think...think... hurts dont it .. welcome to the first page of the book of your life..

i have my beliefs to go on here where im coming from and though they may seem scattered .... which they are ... to me they come and go with lightning fast and thunder strength clarity...

hence the reason im here ... i have learned that this is where i belong... see how that works.. all ive done is the payment for that one little fu..ck..ing truth i get... i belong here.. here is where i begin... what i learn will be a part of where im going.. aint that a bit<h. nope.. know why. i do .. its life .. paint it any way you like it its yours to defend by saying simply that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. is meth really that beautyfull??pillzz??vodka??pot. you tell me ..

i saw a sunset on the way home from work tonite, it had all the strokes i love so much shapeing it .. the colors could have only been created by the lack of touch of a human hand.. i pastele chalked the sunset in my mind one blending color at a time so that when i can afford to get pasteles and paper i can reconstruct it as best as my memory will allow.. it has feelin you know... life that is. if you stop searching for it you realize it right away.. repeating it is you.. thats what i do .. i just re itterate whats happening to me into my environment... like it or not i think thats all i am here to do ... just rebound the beauty of the things happening around me. painfull negative decaying things are just food to the fermerment of life and to me they need not be re hashed since absorbing them intentionally seems to be their only worth.


just feel just absorb just for today.

Yours daily
[JDG]-Jester160

MightyJester160

so after a hard days work at staying sober that is ... i get a call from work at 9 30 pm... youre going out of state tomolly ... driving,through the mountain passes , pulling a 15 000 lb trailor. then 10 00 pm the neighborhood lights up 6 houses down as 9 police cars gather to corner the 3 crackheads that have been borrowing the neighbors truck to go out of this hood to burglerize houses ,, for the last YEAR.... then the 17 year old runaway that we known 4 months ...not as a runnaway dather as one of the teens that skateboards off the curb in front of and under the shade provideing treen in front of our house...knocks at the door and wants to sleep in the second car we have ? errrrrr.... i was stupified by this request having just talked to his mother an hour earlyer about his whereabouts and her intention to press charges on anyone aiding him..... so here i sit packed ready to leave town and im posting on the SR i believe we call this place... the up side is that the boss has like 70 books on tape to choose from so i ll be listening to a harry potter book on the way up north.. yes im 37 so laugh it up fuzzballs......

anyway my kids are thrilled im leaving because they get to adopt a dog to help look after the house while im away working... hehehe ...

anyway ill be back in a few days .. keeep on keeeeping on..

Just for todat

Yours Daily
[JDG]-Jester160

OVERIT

Dear Jester,

I just want you to know that I have ready your posts and I feel the pain in them. I CARE about what you are going through and so does everyone on this board. So does your family and so does your Higher Power. My God (my higher power) cares too! I don't know what it is like to be addicted to pills. All, I know is what it is like to be addicted to booze. I love it and it loves me. We have a very powerful relationship. There are many others that are important in my life, namely, my husband and my daughter and my son. But, sometimes, most times, those people did not matter. My booze, and yes, my DOC, was beer, but none the less, that was my lover and my god and my reason for living. I DON'T know what you are going through, I truly don't, but, if it is half of anything, that I WAS going through, it is HELL on earth. And as much as withdrawals suck and as much as me wanting my beer so bad that sometimes, I would literally, rip someone's head off, for just a six pack, none of that compares to a "healthly lifestyle" that we know we can lead. A NORMAL life of getting up and going to work and coming home sober and spending time with the husband (or wife in your case) and doing normal nightime activites and watching a little TV and then going to bed and waking up the next morning to do it all again. NOTHING, not even our pills and our booze can compare to that. Yes, I started the Hop On The Newbie Bus thread and I belive that you posted on it with a BIG BS banner. Well, it may be BS, but it is working for me. Try it. You might just find that you have a little fun and forget your pain for just one moment.

So, the next time that you ask, who gives a shiot??????? Well, I do for one. And maybe I am not the one that matters, but I am someone and I DO care.

Love and hugs,

Ang

Broken91

hi all...

I'm new here...day one...I feel like the world's biggest loser...I was clean from painkillers for 6 months and then picked up crack. The rollercoaster has run me over too many times...how the hell do I stop it? I've just about lost everything...no kidding - huh? I'm ready to do whatever it takes.

Broken91

OVERIT

((((Broken 91)))))))))))

Glad that you are here.. Don't know anything about painkillers. My drug of choice was booze. But, it is all the same I would guess. We all want to be free of our addictions. Welcome to SR> Keep posting. We all want the best for you!


Love,

Ang

hopealwayz

(((Broken 91)))) glad to have you hear. You can recover and find a new, sober life. Stick with us.

Hope

MightyJester160

seen anyone walking on water lately ??? hehehe

youre here youre telling us youre ready to surrender ... which does not mean giving up it simply means accepting whats there... and thats how it begins... oh one small detail you need to do above all else...never put another controlled substance in youre system...got it... the rest is the reality hitting you in the face for trying to ignore it for so long...guess what its coming for you and you better smile like it or not and do the best you can in each moment to accept and deal with the consequences...


some things will be easy to figure out and others will be difficult so try a little proirity organiseing for the first 7 weeks... put out fires you can by yourself and ask for help in putting out fires you cant... but be paitent with yourself were only human .. and just for today we can rest on staying sober...ok post here as often as you like or anywhere i have threads going and illl read up on you daily... ok plus there are alot of concerned people that read these posts and theyll pick up on you as well ...

yours Daily
[JDG]-Jester160

eddie z.

MightyJester160

i have been working in another state the past 2 weeks... so i havent been able to get to my computer to post anything .... ill be back later today and ill catch up on where things are with me .


im sad this morning as i leave for work though and frustrated.
this moment i am living the reality that getting sober is something you must do for your own reasons... had i started this for any other reason id have failed by now ... emotional depression is a huge trigger for me and im hurting alot now..so till later today then..


yours daily

[JDG]-Jester160

OVERIT

Mighty Jester------------


WELCOME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been missing you. When you have time, catch us up on what's beem going on!

Love,

Ang

MightyJester160

so much has happened in the last 10 days i cant post it in the order it happened... it started with my boss telling me i was going to washington state...that i was leaving that night.. and i had to stay at work all that day and night loading the trailor and truck... which i finished at 1;00 am in the morning.... so they let me come home with a loaded truck and leave in the morning.... 6 am that is...

drive went bad for the first 5 hours... 2 flats on the trailor... got it taken care of though.. then drove straight through...

ended up in a small town where we were picking up our office trailor for this job in wash... met the tweaker they hired to help,,,, it was sad... had to work really hard just because he was not able to focous on what we were doing... stresss levels were high .... we got through that though.....next day was work as usual which is calming to me because i have a routine i get into and that helps me acclimate myself to new surroundings quickly....plus all the people besides the new guy are awesome to be around.. so work was good.. stayed 9 days there setting up..

coming home... seperation anxitity from wash sucked.... i wanted to stay there and work..the drive home was cool though.. left at 4 am got home at 8 pm the same day... next day after that... the shiot hit the fan...


went to our local job and first thing i got my instructions for the work i was to do... went well... second part of the day i asked for the weekend off since its been a month straight of working for me and most of those days are 18 hour days.... i got a we will see....that was only 4 days ago mind you..
i have a painting job on the side going as well.. interior paint...the guy i asked me to help has his version of that nightmare ...so i was tackleing that in the eves as well after work... my boss was seeing to it though that i got in town no sooner than 6 pm so between that and getting home after being gone 9 days i have not seen much of the wife and kids to this point...hence my reason for asking for the weekend off...so yesterday my boss asked us to stay till 7 pm cause i was gonna have today and tomolly off.. then later in the day yesterday after he had been in town half the day he shows up and asks me to work half a day today... to help take the pressure off him from the workload he has ...which by the way when i went north he took off for a week with the family because his kids are leaving for thanksgiving plus a week. which is why his workload has piled up...he left a guy behind to get a bunch of work done though that ddnt go well i see now.

so i said yes to the half day thingy.... went in today worked the half day and came home.....my daughter had broken her pinky playing with some freinds at noon today.. i got home at 12 30 at 2 00 i went to the hospital...at 7 pm tonite i left the hospital with mayim who had not seen the dr yet and went to longs drugs where i bought a finger splint tape and childrens tylenol....at home my wife was dissapointed that i bugged out of the hospital...i was thinking of how long it would take to get the x rays back...just to have the dr tell me well we can splint it and hook her up with tylenol then send me out the door at midnight... and thats the emergency room here...

jen and i have been fighting all day because i am wanting to have intimate time with her yet im only home 7 hours a day...and the first thing that happens when i get home today is i have to go away from her again...on my way out of the house to the hospital she tells me when i get back she will be going out to do shopping and some bill paying...which ddnt happen however...at the time though i was fighting with her because it seemed like there was no way i was gonna get to have time with her or the kids....i have the same bills to pay as the rest of you out there and the same responsibilities as far as being a parent goes, so those things i wont cry over .... yet .. theres alot going on for me right now... and as far as worring about me relapseing ,,, well .... my attitude under the influience was that things were ok and id just put out the biggest fires when i could.....at this point there is no way i could remember all the shiot i have to if i was useing.. things would seem trivial....

at this though i have to say im at my breaking point... i am attacking jen over things i would normally just dissmiss. someone would say to me that having kids means compromise and planning will be required to have personal time...when youre sober this actually means something...as apposed to it being an addicts dream... you cant plan or compromise when youre under the influince..... sad thing is you have to be sober to know that...

i am carefull now in this stage to at least tell jen that im not targeting her when im venting..rather i am feeling emotional andas mixed up as things are i have very very little control over my outbursts...

i have very sensetive feelers right now so any little things happening to or around me has the affect equal to that which causes cats to stick to celings when they re startled.

my current opperateing guidelines right now are simple ones.... work hard as i can...stay quiet and keep personal information closed off. go into public places when i can observe other humans doing ok and re assure myself that im getting there odaat... extra helpings of love for the kids... more hugs more attention to acknowledging there efforts to do good...ect...ect...

truth be told.. whats keeping me sober.....useing controlled substances alcohol pills ... anything... will never make the workload less ever.

im gonna go for now ill be reading posts here tomolly and watching the SEAHAWKS kick tail... so ill prolly post on my other threads as well

thanx for reading if you did i tend to ramble ....

yours daily

[JDG]-Jester160

Phinneas

:tongue2: :tongue2: :tongue2:

((((Jester))))

I'm glad you're back and I'm glad you're hanging in there and still clean and sober. I love what you wrote and can relate very much! There are good days and bad days. Some of those bad days seem to string together and seem like they will never end. You are doing it, though, like you say, ODAAT.

Thanks for taking us along on your journey.

jojo

Buny

Jojo
I can relate to that day 1 and VERY angry I wish I could skip all this and just have my old life back before the crack. That is to simple right

MightyJester160

:hello2

david here ... just wondering what you are all thinking about what im saying.... mabe there is more to just posting my shares than would be gained from hearing what you think though id like some feedback from anyone that has any ..... prolly though i am doing what i should be by being here every day and staying sober every day ... we all do our best here to stay clean just for today as we should.. oh well no biggie i guess ..


yours daily

[JDG] Jester160

MightyJester160

:tongue3:

who would of thought id make it this far along... i have stuck to being sober in spite of some fffffkkkkkeeeeedd up shiot these past weeks. i am scared of the changes coming in my life in the near future... though there is one change that feels so good right now .... i am being carefull not to mess with it though im tempted i want to just lei it be known that im aware and reciprocate the fun... escapeisim without useing ... what a concept. though ill be leaving the state soon to work in another one .. that makes me very happy.. though for missing my chillins though it makes me sad. its become a rollercoaster like before although life is forgiving of the mistakes you make in earnest attempts to do right while in a healthy state of mind.... so keep it up as will i and enjoy the goodness of un expected .............goodness.. or whatever you want to call it ":}


yours daily
[JDG]Jester160

Gooch

Does it feel like when you stopped using your feelings and emotions started coming out of a faucet that someone else has the knob for? I remember trying so hard not to let things get to me then blowing my top and feeling terrible over it.

It's hard to explain to the "normies" in our life that we don't know how to express our feelings, and we doing the best we can. Staying clean isn't for sissies.... After a while the cravings go and then we just have to deal with life on life's terms. There have been days on end for me where it was all Icould do to function to get to work and back home, eat and sleep, then repeat the next day. At some point I got so tired of feeling like staying clean wasn't enough that I begrudgingly decided to start really delving into the stepwork so that I could learn to live in my own skin.

Keep the faith Jester! Keep on posting and have some patience with your maker. While it may not seem like the answers are conming fast enough, trust your higher power, He really is providing everything you need, even though you may not get everything you want.

eddie z.

Hey, David!
I was just wondering if you go to meetings in various towns when you're on the road and stuff. I always enjoy noting the little differences in how things are done from place to place, but there's always the same feeling underneath, you know?
Love and hugs, Eddie :outtahere

MightyJester160

two ****** times i fffkiiinnng posted and the ************* thing said i wasnt logged in so ffffuuukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkiiittttttttttttttt ill just keep my ****** thought to my fffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkiiiiiiiii iinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggggggggg ggggggggg self.

god damnit ... ****** boards

MightyJester160

seems ive tryed to sya in to different posts something about my life tonite... and both times god has interfeered... so im gonna just shut the *** up and go to bed ...


ps mind your privacy settings in your browser.... they may affect your logged in status