Future worries
 

This has always been an issue with me. I know that I stopped drinking because it was hurting my family more than the fact I wanted to stop for myself. I enjoy drinking when it doesn't get out of hand. Trouble is when it does it's really bad and I only stop when I'm forced to or I physically can't anymore.

I worry about what's going to happen if/when I am on my own. I know I would drink if I lived alone and my kids won't be around forever. I watch my elderly neighbours who have retired and wonder how they manage. Going home alone and not being tempted to drink. A lady I knew only in her 50s, stopped working and drank herself to death within a matter of months and I can see that easily being me.

I just can't get my head round it. I am struggling a bit recently though. I can't seem to find peace in myself, I'm struggling to concentrate at work so have been really unproductive (I'm self employed so don't have anyone to tell me off but of course I don't work I don't earn). I don't think I'm depressed but I have no motivation for work and can't seem to find any joy in anything. It's like there's nothing to look forward to. I've just come back from holiday so have had pretty much 3 weeks off with the extra days off I've been taking so it's not like I've been doing too much. I did enjoy my holiday - I spent some real quality time with my family.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for by posting this. Just need to get it off my chest I guess.

How long have you been sober CW?

I stopped worrying about things that haven't happened yet, and may never happen CW.

Me worrying about something has never affected the outcome - and the outcome has very seldom been anything like I thought it would be.

Getting sober is a great example. I thought I'd be miserable and lonely and eaten up with hatred and I assumed I'd relapse at the first hurdle.

I'm not miserable hateful or lonely - life is awesome - and I didn't relapse.

Whenever I'd think about the future negatively I'd try and challenge those thoughts - is it likely?

You have a lit of time to feel more secure in your recovery and to appreciate that you yourself are worthy of that recovery - it needn't always be for other people.

Isn't it just as likely that the future could be wonderful? :)

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D

The worst of my drinking stopped when I got pregnant with my second child. Since then (he's nearly 10) my drinking has been periodic binges that can last a few days and occasionally a night out where I would have a few drinks and be fine. Usually maybe 3/4 times a year it would happen but last year it seemed to be getting more frequent and I do feel more determined to not go there again. I have many more sober days than drunk ones.

Thanks Dee - you offer wise words as always.

Actually after posting this message something came up from somewhere about recovery and how it is more than just stopping drinking. I think that is what I have done. I stopped and then filled my days with things to do so I can't drink even if I wanted to. What I've not done is the recovery work. Learning to just be without needing to "do" and to deal with the emotions that I was running away from in the first place when I started drinking all those years ago. I don't feel at peace with life and am looking for a way out.

That's good, but what I meant was how long has it been since your most recent drink? You seem depressed in your OP. If you've had alcohol in the last 3 months, that could be why. If it has been more than 3 months you might want to consider getting evaluated for it.

:grouphug: