Newbie in need of help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 3
Newbie in need of help
Hi guys and gals,
This is my second time getting sober, but my first time with an online forum for alcoholics.
A few years ago, I was convicted of a DUI and was ordered to go to treatment. I quite drinking successfully for just over two years. Then, I thought I could handle it, and started back up.
It's been a few years now and what started out as harmless has grown into something completely horrible. I don't even really feel anything anymore. I blame my drinking on anxiety, but deep down I know it's really addiction. Some days I feel suicidal. No joke. It's kind of scary. I know I need help, that's why I'm joining this forum.
I have looked into going to some AA meetings close by, we will see how those turn out. Hopefully I will meet some good people.
My fiance is fed up with my drinking and I don't blame her. She is right. I thought I could quit on my own, or I guess (if I'm honest) I thought I could just manage my life while drinking at the same time. But I can't.
It's obvious to everyone but me.
I feel pretty ****** right now. Hopefully I can pull myself out of this.
Thank you for reading this.
This is my second time getting sober, but my first time with an online forum for alcoholics.
A few years ago, I was convicted of a DUI and was ordered to go to treatment. I quite drinking successfully for just over two years. Then, I thought I could handle it, and started back up.
It's been a few years now and what started out as harmless has grown into something completely horrible. I don't even really feel anything anymore. I blame my drinking on anxiety, but deep down I know it's really addiction. Some days I feel suicidal. No joke. It's kind of scary. I know I need help, that's why I'm joining this forum.
I have looked into going to some AA meetings close by, we will see how those turn out. Hopefully I will meet some good people.
My fiance is fed up with my drinking and I don't blame her. She is right. I thought I could quit on my own, or I guess (if I'm honest) I thought I could just manage my life while drinking at the same time. But I can't.
It's obvious to everyone but me.
I feel pretty ****** right now. Hopefully I can pull myself out of this.
Thank you for reading this.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 1,535
Welcome to SR, SIRARTHURDAYNE.
From your post it looks to me that it has in fact become obvious to you as well that you will be better off by quitting.
This site has helped to keep me sober for almost 7 weeks and I log on almost every day.
Good idea to consider going to the meetings. Please let us know how it turns out for you.
From your post it looks to me that it has in fact become obvious to you as well that you will be better off by quitting.
This site has helped to keep me sober for almost 7 weeks and I log on almost every day.
Good idea to consider going to the meetings. Please let us know how it turns out for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
Nice to meet you, after seven years of sobriety I thought I could handle it and drink a beer from time to time. It didn't take long and I was drinking a twelve pack every night. It took me fourteen years to get sober Again. I realize now I can never drink again. That realization and SR has made all the difference for me. Post often it really helps.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
Thinking we can drink normal is a common trick for our AV to pull on us. I continually remind myself that is a lie and one is too many. I stay sober for my kids and because I believe it really is a better life. No shame or regrets for what I can or can't remember. Glad you are here!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 3
Thank you for the replies.
One idea that I struggle with, Is the social aspect of life. I want to be "fun" with my friends and family. I know they will accept me if I don't drink with them, but at the same time, I feel I will be missing out or that they will think I'm not the fun guy that I used to be.
Can any of you comment on this topic? I'm sure everyone has dealt with it in some form. It's just that drinking/partying together brings us together. Or maybe thats just me giving myself an excuse to get black out drunk with my friends and chalk it up to making memories and having a good time.
I just wish I didn't have to have what everyone else who is "normal" is going to perceive as a handicap. I guess we all just want to be accepted. God damn, I have a long way to go.
Again, thanks for reading. I'm looking forward to having 24 hours of sobriety.
One idea that I struggle with, Is the social aspect of life. I want to be "fun" with my friends and family. I know they will accept me if I don't drink with them, but at the same time, I feel I will be missing out or that they will think I'm not the fun guy that I used to be.
Can any of you comment on this topic? I'm sure everyone has dealt with it in some form. It's just that drinking/partying together brings us together. Or maybe thats just me giving myself an excuse to get black out drunk with my friends and chalk it up to making memories and having a good time.
I just wish I didn't have to have what everyone else who is "normal" is going to perceive as a handicap. I guess we all just want to be accepted. God damn, I have a long way to go.
Again, thanks for reading. I'm looking forward to having 24 hours of sobriety.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,346
Hi and welcoem Sir Arthur 
I think FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) is a major fear for a lot of us - but if I'm honest I missed out on a lot of things as a drinker where I was just too drunk, too hungover or just plain unconscious.
I'd surrounded myself with other hard drinkers so some of my buddys faces changed, but I found new friends and reconnected with old ones.
My social life has never been better - and I remember it all, no shame or embarrassment.
D.
I think FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) is a major fear for a lot of us - but if I'm honest I missed out on a lot of things as a drinker where I was just too drunk, too hungover or just plain unconscious.
I'd surrounded myself with other hard drinkers so some of my buddys faces changed, but I found new friends and reconnected with old ones.
My social life has never been better - and I remember it all, no shame or embarrassment.
D.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by SIRARTHURDAYNE 
Thank you for the replies.
One idea that I struggle with, Is the social aspect of life. I want to be "fun" with my friends and family. I know they will accept me if I don't drink with them, but at the same time, I feel I will be missing out or that they will think I'm not the fun guy that I used to be.
Can any of you comment on this topic? I'm sure everyone has dealt with it in some form. It's just that drinking/partying together brings us together. Or maybe thats just me giving myself an excuse to get black out drunk with my friends and chalk it up to making memories and having a good time.
I just wish I didn't have to have what everyone else who is "normal" is going to perceive as a handicap. I guess we all just want to be accepted. God damn, I have a long way to go.
Again, thanks for reading. I'm looking forward to having 24 hours of sobriety.
One idea that I struggle with, Is the social aspect of life. I want to be "fun" with my friends and family. I know they will accept me if I don't drink with them, but at the same time, I feel I will be missing out or that they will think I'm not the fun guy that I used to be.
Can any of you comment on this topic? I'm sure everyone has dealt with it in some form. It's just that drinking/partying together brings us together. Or maybe thats just me giving myself an excuse to get black out drunk with my friends and chalk it up to making memories and having a good time.
I just wish I didn't have to have what everyone else who is "normal" is going to perceive as a handicap. I guess we all just want to be accepted. God damn, I have a long way to go.
Again, thanks for reading. I'm looking forward to having 24 hours of sobriety.
One of the things that resonated with me in your post (above) is that fear of not being that fun party gal that I was with alcohol. That person I thought everyone loved and who I had convinced them, and more so myself, that I was.
Thing is, as I've worked on my recovery I very much realised that there was a disparity between my insides and my outsides. That party gal was a front. A facade. My hide-out. The place where my not-enoughness sought refuge.
Being sober has been a chance for me to not only grow up and be less dependent on acting the person that I thought (mistakenly it turns out) people wanted me to be. It has been amazingly freeing. I have realised that I don't owe anyone pretty, funny, gregarious, life-n-soul, fun-ha-ha-ha. It is okay for me to just be me. If that means I'm not always at the centre of things - that is okay. If I'm listening instead of talking - that is MORE than alright. I may be quieter. More reserved. Not acting under alcohols delusion of witter-prettier-tittier. I don't have to expend all that energy being someone I am not. I can allow others to take centre stage. I can opt out if I want to and go do something that the quieter me (who I'm actually starting to quite like) prefers to do.
Yes, we all want to be accepted. The thing that I've found though is that when we show our true colours others are generally happy to accept them. Our 'true' selves are generally less abrasive than our active-alcoholic-projected personas. The person that really WASN'T accepting me all along - was ME. I was the one who suffered from attacks of not-enoughness. I was the one labouring under a faulty expectation of perfection.
I reckon that if you give yourself a chance you'll find that you, and others, really do like that real-you that you've been smothering under the supposed fun-guy-drinking-personality. And if not, chances are you'd do well to find some new pals who are more genuine and think past party-party.
Please don't let fear of what you may not be stop you becoming what you already are.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by SIRARTHURDAYNE
It's just that drinking/partying together brings us together. Or maybe thats just me giving myself an excuse to get black out drunk with my friends.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by SIRARTHURDAYNE
Thank you all so much for the responses. My sister has been sober now for 10 months and she is supporting me through this. I am going to my first meeting today after work. Wish me luck.
BB
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