46 days. Dinner party tonight. SCARED! No cravings but nervous.
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46 days. Dinner party tonight. SCARED! No cravings but nervous.
So first thing is first - I can't cancel on this person because this is our 3rd reschedule. I have a dinner tonight and I am really nervous. It is someone I used to drink wine with at dinners. I know it is under my control and nobody can force me to drink. I guess I'm just very scared about the situation. I looked at the restaurant and it's very wine/cocktail centric hip atmosphere. Lots of focus on the drink. I always notice that about place that people post more about their drinks than the actual food!
I know I can just order cranberry and seltzer but what if the alcohol takes over? I got really scared towards the end of my usage because I felt like the alcohol had control over me mind body and soul.
If anyone has any advice please let me know. I think maybe I should just say "today I am not going to drink, but I can drink tomorrow if i want...just not today"
Thanks.
I know I can just order cranberry and seltzer but what if the alcohol takes over? I got really scared towards the end of my usage because I felt like the alcohol had control over me mind body and soul.
If anyone has any advice please let me know. I think maybe I should just say "today I am not going to drink, but I can drink tomorrow if i want...just not today"
Thanks.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
There's nothing so hip and chic as someone who brazenly walks to the beat of their own drum. ... and honestly, as hip and chic as I might have felt when I started drinking in an evening, I've seen the evidence of the fact that there was NOTHING chic about a drunken-berry. Ohhhh no!!
You will probably find that you are more reserved, and quieter. That you talk less, and listen more. That when you do speak it will because you actually have something to say rather than just being a wobbly-gob.
And all of those things are good.
You will also find that when you look in the mirror midway through the evening your clothes, hair and make-up (if you wear it) have magically stayed where you origionally put them.
You will not need to do the extra-hard-consentrating for walking around wthout seeming drunk.
You will not need to wake up tomorrow and mentally rake over the evening to check who you need to avoid rather than apologise to.
You will probably enjoy your food much more than usual (tip - eat a sandwich before you go DON'T go there hungry.)
Once dinner is done, it is okay to be the first to leave. After all - you do need to be up early tomorrow!!
And you don't need to go into any details explanation re why you're not drinking. "I don't want to thanks." or "I don't drink any more." are both complete sentences. Maybe think of some change-of-subject-questions or topics just in case you need them.
It is 'dinner'. People eat dinner without drinking alcohol all the time. Don't fall for the advertisers bullpoop about drinking being the epitomy of sophistication. I'm sure you have plenty of mental images of yourself drunk that you can draw on if the truth of it gets hazy (I know I certainly have. At the bottom of the stairs in a heap in one particular restaurant for a start off. Shouting at someone because 'they' were behaving badly in another. Ouch. That's without the general red-faced, word-slurring,bull-poop talking, indiscrete wobbly-gobbing, inappropriate-flirting, over-sharing drunkeness. Haha - if they put all that in the commercials for alcohol they'd be more entertaining but sell far, far less booze than the lies they stick with do).
Remember HALT. Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. and keep those at bay.
And bring your phone with you so you can have loo-breaks and post on here at strategic intervals. We'll be here, ready to help if you shout out.
BB
You will probably find that you are more reserved, and quieter. That you talk less, and listen more. That when you do speak it will because you actually have something to say rather than just being a wobbly-gob.
And all of those things are good.
You will also find that when you look in the mirror midway through the evening your clothes, hair and make-up (if you wear it) have magically stayed where you origionally put them.
You will not need to do the extra-hard-consentrating for walking around wthout seeming drunk.
You will not need to wake up tomorrow and mentally rake over the evening to check who you need to avoid rather than apologise to.
You will probably enjoy your food much more than usual (tip - eat a sandwich before you go DON'T go there hungry.)
Once dinner is done, it is okay to be the first to leave. After all - you do need to be up early tomorrow!!
And you don't need to go into any details explanation re why you're not drinking. "I don't want to thanks." or "I don't drink any more." are both complete sentences. Maybe think of some change-of-subject-questions or topics just in case you need them.
It is 'dinner'. People eat dinner without drinking alcohol all the time. Don't fall for the advertisers bullpoop about drinking being the epitomy of sophistication. I'm sure you have plenty of mental images of yourself drunk that you can draw on if the truth of it gets hazy (I know I certainly have. At the bottom of the stairs in a heap in one particular restaurant for a start off. Shouting at someone because 'they' were behaving badly in another. Ouch. That's without the general red-faced, word-slurring,bull-poop talking, indiscrete wobbly-gobbing, inappropriate-flirting, over-sharing drunkeness. Haha - if they put all that in the commercials for alcohol they'd be more entertaining but sell far, far less booze than the lies they stick with do).
Remember HALT. Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. and keep those at bay.
And bring your phone with you so you can have loo-breaks and post on here at strategic intervals. We'll be here, ready to help if you shout out.
BB
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
Great advice from berry -- especially the point about eating something before you get to the restaurant. If you go there having had something to eat it will help reduce any cravings. And go there in the mind that you are there to see our friend and a nice meal, washed down by cranberry and soda! I think you'll be fine.😊
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 24
Cranberry soda is my choice too, also, if they have Pellegrino glass bottles, then you can just refill your glass instead of waiting for the waiter. I have a friend that eats half an avocado before going out every time, it keeps her from snacking chips and salsa until dinner is served and is good fats too.
When I dnt feel like explaining I say "Im taking antibiotics", end of story.
You can do it!! enjoy your dinner it is also going to be at least $15 cheaper than before
When I dnt feel like explaining I say "Im taking antibiotics", end of story.
You can do it!! enjoy your dinner it is also going to be at least $15 cheaper than before
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 216
Originally Posted by Berrybean 
There's nothing so hip and chic as someone who brazenly walks to the beat of their own drum. ... and honestly, as hip and chic as I might have felt when I started drinking in an evening, I've seen the evidence of the fact that there was NOTHING chic about a drunken-berry. Ohhhh no!!
You will probably find that you are more reserved, and quieter. That you talk less, and listen more. That when you do speak it will because you actually have something to say rather than just being a wobbly-gob.
And all of those things are good.
You will also find that when you look in the mirror midway through the evening your clothes, hair and make-up (if you wear it) have magically stayed where you origionally put them.
You will not need to do the extra-hard-consentrating for walking around wthout seeming drunk.
You will not need to wake up tomorrow and mentally rake over the evening to check who you need to avoid rather than apologise to.
You will probably enjoy your food much more than usual (tip - eat a sandwich before you go DON'T go there hungry.)
Once dinner is done, it is okay to be the first to leave. After all - you do need to be up early tomorrow!!
And you don't need to go into any details explanation re why you're not drinking. "I don't want to thanks." or "I don't drink any more." are both complete sentences. Maybe think of some change-of-subject-questions or topics just in case you need them.
It is 'dinner'. People eat dinner without drinking alcohol all the time. Don't fall for the advertisers bullpoop about drinking being the epitomy of sophistication. I'm sure you have plenty of mental images of yourself drunk that you can draw on if the truth of it gets hazy (I know I certainly have. At the bottom of the stairs in a heap in one particular restaurant for a start off. Shouting at someone because 'they' were behaving badly in another. Ouch. That's without the general red-faced, word-slurring,bull-poop talking, indiscrete wobbly-gobbing, inappropriate-flirting, over-sharing drunkeness. Haha - if they put all that in the commercials for alcohol they'd be more entertaining but sell far, far less booze than the lies they stick with do).
Remember HALT. Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. and keep those at bay.
And bring your phone with you so you can have loo-breaks and post on here at strategic intervals. We'll be here, ready to help if you shout out.
BB
You will probably find that you are more reserved, and quieter. That you talk less, and listen more. That when you do speak it will because you actually have something to say rather than just being a wobbly-gob.
And all of those things are good.
You will also find that when you look in the mirror midway through the evening your clothes, hair and make-up (if you wear it) have magically stayed where you origionally put them.
You will not need to do the extra-hard-consentrating for walking around wthout seeming drunk.
You will not need to wake up tomorrow and mentally rake over the evening to check who you need to avoid rather than apologise to.
You will probably enjoy your food much more than usual (tip - eat a sandwich before you go DON'T go there hungry.)
Once dinner is done, it is okay to be the first to leave. After all - you do need to be up early tomorrow!!
And you don't need to go into any details explanation re why you're not drinking. "I don't want to thanks." or "I don't drink any more." are both complete sentences. Maybe think of some change-of-subject-questions or topics just in case you need them.
It is 'dinner'. People eat dinner without drinking alcohol all the time. Don't fall for the advertisers bullpoop about drinking being the epitomy of sophistication. I'm sure you have plenty of mental images of yourself drunk that you can draw on if the truth of it gets hazy (I know I certainly have. At the bottom of the stairs in a heap in one particular restaurant for a start off. Shouting at someone because 'they' were behaving badly in another. Ouch. That's without the general red-faced, word-slurring,bull-poop talking, indiscrete wobbly-gobbing, inappropriate-flirting, over-sharing drunkeness. Haha - if they put all that in the commercials for alcohol they'd be more entertaining but sell far, far less booze than the lies they stick with do).
Remember HALT. Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. and keep those at bay.
And bring your phone with you so you can have loo-breaks and post on here at strategic intervals. We'll be here, ready to help if you shout out.
BB
There is literally NO reason for me to drink at this thing! It's a dinner with one other friend - who I HAVE drank with before but she is a very light drinker. It's not a high risk situation by any means, and I have gone to restaurants in the past 46 days. The difference is that I haven't been to a dinner with another person who actively drinks in the last 46 days. She is NOT an alcoholic and may not even drink tonight. The other dinners were ALL with sober/AA program people or my sober best friend and her sober fiance. So, it's just kind of "breaking new ground" in my sobriety and I just have some situational anxiety over it.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 216
Originally Posted by jacintadturtle
Cranberry soda is my choice too, also, if they have Pellegrino glass bottles, then you can just refill your glass instead of waiting for the waiter. I have a friend that eats half an avocado before going out every time, it keeps her from snacking chips and salsa until dinner is served and is good fats too.
When I dnt feel like explaining I say "Im taking antibiotics", end of story.
You can do it!! enjoy your dinner it is also going to be at least $15 cheaper than before
When I dnt feel like explaining I say "Im taking antibiotics", end of story.
You can do it!! enjoy your dinner it is also going to be at least $15 cheaper than before
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by chiquen81
I know I can just order cranberry and seltzer but what if the alcohol takes over? I got really scared towards the end of my usage because I felt like the alcohol had control over me mind body and soul.
If anyone has any advice please let me know. I think maybe I should just say "today I am not going to drink, but I can drink tomorrow if i want...just not today"
Thanks.
1-the right motive for being there
2- fit spiritual condition
3- an escape route
"but what if the alcohol takes over? "
ok, look back up a bit:
"I know it is under my control and nobody can force me to drink."
IF its truly under your control, alcohol has absolutely no way of taking over.
which, the THOUGHT of drinking can come up and can be strong.
which is why #3.
personally, i made a decision to go to ANY length for victory over alcohol.
even if that meant walkin out on dinner.
and if someone i walked out on dinner had a problem with it?
thats their problem.
getting sober required me to be extremely selfish in any situation there was alcohol.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 216
Originally Posted by tomsteve
3 things i have in place when going where alcohol is served:
1-the right motive for being there
2- fit spiritual condition
3- an escape route
"but what if the alcohol takes over? "
ok, look back up a bit:
"I know it is under my control and nobody can force me to drink."
IF its truly under your control, alcohol has absolutely no way of taking over.
which, the THOUGHT of drinking can come up and can be strong.
which is why #3.
personally, i made a decision to go to ANY length for victory over alcohol.
even if that meant walkin out on dinner.
and if someone i walked out on dinner had a problem with it?
thats their problem.
getting sober required me to be extremely selfish in any situation there was alcohol.
1-the right motive for being there
2- fit spiritual condition
3- an escape route
"but what if the alcohol takes over? "
ok, look back up a bit:
"I know it is under my control and nobody can force me to drink."
IF its truly under your control, alcohol has absolutely no way of taking over.
which, the THOUGHT of drinking can come up and can be strong.
which is why #3.
personally, i made a decision to go to ANY length for victory over alcohol.
even if that meant walkin out on dinner.
and if someone i walked out on dinner had a problem with it?
thats their problem.
getting sober required me to be extremely selfish in any situation there was alcohol.
I just hope I can get to a stage where social situations won't be so scary or uncomfortable - and I don't mean in a socially awkward way, but in a way where I'm terrified that I'll relapse or something.
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Yup, the first two times I went to have dinner with friends I brought my phone and considered the fact I had great dinner companions, everyone from SR was right in my pocket!
It was a big help to remember that. We are all there with you sending you strength.
Getting used to being out and sober can be uncomfortable, but, oh, the joy when you wake up the next morning. You do get used to it after a while. There's usually a bit of discomfort in the beginning but once everyone gets talking it gets better. You will get used to it.
Good luck and check in if you need to!
It was a big help to remember that. We are all there with you sending you strength.
Getting used to being out and sober can be uncomfortable, but, oh, the joy when you wake up the next morning. You do get used to it after a while. There's usually a bit of discomfort in the beginning but once everyone gets talking it gets better. You will get used to it.
Good luck and check in if you need to!
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,717
I would treat myself to a wonderful dinner and a big dessert! Who needs to drink when there is so much pleasure in a great meal and maybe even a chocolate dessert (if you like chocolate). Go with the intentions of having a great dinner. Ignore the booze like it was a person that is speaking a language you don't understand! Have fun and when you think it is time to leave. Excuse yourself and go home. You are the one in control.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Chiquen first of all great job for posting first and also some great advice. All I would add is are you going to be driving? I have been out for meals a couple of times and always offer to be chauffeur. Takes a lot of risk out of the situation. Plus the great news is you'll probably have a lovely time and be super proud tomorrow! Work on your head before you go.....be strong.....but above all have a great time and enjoy some yummy food!
Let us know how it went tomorrow ❤❤❤
Let us know how it went tomorrow ❤❤❤
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Originally Posted by chiquen81
So first thing is first - I can't cancel on this person because this is our 3rd reschedule. .
I hope your evening goes well.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
I agree with Anna...no is an important thing to learn to say. That said? Peruse the menu online and suggest to your friend to share apps for dinner so you can make it short and sweet. I'd bring cash if you need to throw some on the table and dash due to an emergency.
You should be good though. I just went to a wedding and everyone was smashed and I felt nothing either way about drinking. Try to focus on the conversation and the food (my favourite 😁 Have a great time!
Jules
You should be good though. I just went to a wedding and everyone was smashed and I felt nothing either way about drinking. Try to focus on the conversation and the food (my favourite 😁
Have a great time!Jules
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Posts: 216
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
Yup, the first two times I went to have dinner with friends I brought my phone and considered the fact I had great dinner companions, everyone from SR was right in my pocket!
It was a big help to remember that. We are all there with you sending you strength.
Getting used to being out and sober can be uncomfortable, but, oh, the joy when you wake up the next morning. You do get used to it after a while. There's usually a bit of discomfort in the beginning but once everyone gets talking it gets better. You will get used to it.
Good luck and check in if you need to!
It was a big help to remember that. We are all there with you sending you strength.
Getting used to being out and sober can be uncomfortable, but, oh, the joy when you wake up the next morning. You do get used to it after a while. There's usually a bit of discomfort in the beginning but once everyone gets talking it gets better. You will get used to it.
Good luck and check in if you need to!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 216
Originally Posted by joandmelandhan
Chiquen first of all great job for posting first and also some great advice. All I would add is are you going to be driving? I have been out for meals a couple of times and always offer to be chauffeur. Takes a lot of risk out of the situation. Plus the great news is you'll probably have a lovely time and be super proud tomorrow! Work on your head before you go.....be strong.....but above all have a great time and enjoy some yummy food!
Let us know how it went tomorrow ❤❤❤
Let us know how it went tomorrow ❤❤❤
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 216
Originally Posted by Anna
I don't want to sound flippant, but 'yes' you can cancel. Your sobriety is more important than a scheduled dinner. Learning to 'No' and feeling okay saying 'No' was the single most important thing I needed to learn in my early recovery.
I hope your evening goes well.
I hope your evening goes well.
But again, I don't want to go back to Day 1. I have made it this far (ok, only 46 days) and also the thought of that substance makes me sick. I much prefer an ice cold cranberry juice with a lime.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by chiquen81
I just hope I can get to a stage where social situations won't be so scary or uncomfortable - and I don't mean in a socially awkward way, but in a way where I'm terrified that I'll relapse or something.
open your bb and read pgs 100-103.
the 10th step promises tell us
and we have ceased fighting anyone or anything-even alcohol.
theres more to that set of promises,too.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
How did the dinner go??
(I must confess to not knowing the exact origin of 'wobbly-gob'. I certainly wouldnt go as far as to say it's a UK phrase. It might be something I picked up from family or close friends, or I might even have made it up myself - I'm afraid I can't remember. I have definitely been one over the years though. Lol
Hope all went well.
BB
(I must confess to not knowing the exact origin of 'wobbly-gob'. I certainly wouldnt go as far as to say it's a UK phrase. It might be something I picked up from family or close friends, or I might even have made it up myself - I'm afraid I can't remember. I have definitely been one over the years though. Lol
Hope all went well.
BB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
How did the dinner go??
(I must confess to not knowing the exact origin of 'wobbly-gob'. I certainly wouldnt go as far as to say it's a UK phrase. It might be something I picked up from family or close friends, or I might even have made it up myself - I'm afraid I can't remember. I have definitely been one over the years though. Lol
Hope all went well.
BB
(I must confess to not knowing the exact origin of 'wobbly-gob'. I certainly wouldnt go as far as to say it's a UK phrase. It might be something I picked up from family or close friends, or I might even have made it up myself - I'm afraid I can't remember. I have definitely been one over the years though. Lol
Hope all went well.
BB
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