University and the enabling of alcoholism
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1
University and the enabling of alcoholism
Hello
This is my first post on this website.
I have realised I have had an issue with alcohol for about a year or so now, but I have made it fit in with society. I could go out and get drunk at uni 3 times a week and it was completely normal. But I always knew I could do 7 nights and be fine.
I did a placement year this year after my second year of university, I lived with just me and my boyfriend. I worked a lot, 7:30am until 6pm Monday to Friday (and worked half days on Saturday every other week) and lived for drinking every Friday and Saturday (even though I worked every other Saturday 7:30 until 1pm). So even though I didn't drink every day I counted down until Friday when I could drink because I had no work.
My boyfriend could have one beer or glass of wine, but for me if I had one glass of wine I had to finish the bottle and be annoyed there wasn't more.
At the end of July I moved back home at my mums after my lease for my flat in the area I did my placement year finished. I have drank pretty much every day since as I have no job (many times in secret). I have wanted to stop drinking but by 6,7pm I reason with myself why it's okay to drink now.
Since being back at my mums (in my hometown where I have many friends and socialising is focused around alcohol) my drinking is socially acceptable. But the way I feel is just not right.
I hate who I am when I drink. I'm not aggressive or make bad mistakes or do anything crazy. I am actually more alert and have intelligent conversation and am very helpful and loving to everyone. I am just too nice it's cringe worthy and embarrassing. I also am not sure who I am in a social situation without alcohol.
I'm going away with my boyfriend this week for a month, but after this I am going back to uni. Uni literally enables alcoholism. Refreshers week will include a whole week of drinking every single night. I just want to be sober. I want to enjoy my life in my friendship groups but I don't want the alcohol but I am so easily lead or tempted.
To put my personality in to context to show I am not just an overly sensitive 22 year old, my auntie died of alcoholism at 42. My mother is a borderline alcoholic. I am from a family of addictive personalities. I myself am a recovering anorexic of binge/purge subtype. So are 2 of my aunties and my mum and my dad and his wife are OCD with exercise. Whenever my anorexia "improves" it's because I have been drinking more and my inhibitions around food are lowered.
I have so much more to say but this post is already scrambled and disjointed. I just really need someone to talk to. I am very close to my family and friends and my boyfriend is my rock but I guess the reason I don't tell them this stuff is because I know it means they will force upon me sobriety and will worry more and they already worry about my eating issues.
I just always see myself as someone who is going to live fast and die young. I don't want to do that but I have always said jokingly I will be dead before I am 30 because of my starving/binging/purging/alcohol/smoking lifestyle
This is my first post on this website.
I have realised I have had an issue with alcohol for about a year or so now, but I have made it fit in with society. I could go out and get drunk at uni 3 times a week and it was completely normal. But I always knew I could do 7 nights and be fine.
I did a placement year this year after my second year of university, I lived with just me and my boyfriend. I worked a lot, 7:30am until 6pm Monday to Friday (and worked half days on Saturday every other week) and lived for drinking every Friday and Saturday (even though I worked every other Saturday 7:30 until 1pm). So even though I didn't drink every day I counted down until Friday when I could drink because I had no work.
My boyfriend could have one beer or glass of wine, but for me if I had one glass of wine I had to finish the bottle and be annoyed there wasn't more.
At the end of July I moved back home at my mums after my lease for my flat in the area I did my placement year finished. I have drank pretty much every day since as I have no job (many times in secret). I have wanted to stop drinking but by 6,7pm I reason with myself why it's okay to drink now.
Since being back at my mums (in my hometown where I have many friends and socialising is focused around alcohol) my drinking is socially acceptable. But the way I feel is just not right.
I hate who I am when I drink. I'm not aggressive or make bad mistakes or do anything crazy. I am actually more alert and have intelligent conversation and am very helpful and loving to everyone. I am just too nice it's cringe worthy and embarrassing. I also am not sure who I am in a social situation without alcohol.
I'm going away with my boyfriend this week for a month, but after this I am going back to uni. Uni literally enables alcoholism. Refreshers week will include a whole week of drinking every single night. I just want to be sober. I want to enjoy my life in my friendship groups but I don't want the alcohol but I am so easily lead or tempted.
To put my personality in to context to show I am not just an overly sensitive 22 year old, my auntie died of alcoholism at 42. My mother is a borderline alcoholic. I am from a family of addictive personalities. I myself am a recovering anorexic of binge/purge subtype. So are 2 of my aunties and my mum and my dad and his wife are OCD with exercise. Whenever my anorexia "improves" it's because I have been drinking more and my inhibitions around food are lowered.
I have so much more to say but this post is already scrambled and disjointed. I just really need someone to talk to. I am very close to my family and friends and my boyfriend is my rock but I guess the reason I don't tell them this stuff is because I know it means they will force upon me sobriety and will worry more and they already worry about my eating issues.
I just always see myself as someone who is going to live fast and die young. I don't want to do that but I have always said jokingly I will be dead before I am 30 because of my starving/binging/purging/alcohol/smoking lifestyle
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,597
My drinking really took off during college. I wish I would have recognized that even then my drinking was not normal and had been mature enough to stop. Fortunately I survived that period and my drinking was more or less at reasonable, non alcoholic levels for about twenty years, but then became progressively worse until I was finally able to stop.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Hi and welcome abbsjjj 
I can't really blame Uni, myself.
There's a lot of drinking at Uni - probably a lot more when I was there 25 years ago - but 99% of people don't become alcoholics.
On any campus tho, there's things like AA and other recovery groups, and all kinds of student services type help.
It might be good to use this time to research what kind of help is available on your campus to hell keep you sober?
D
Uni literally enables alcoholism.
There's a lot of drinking at Uni - probably a lot more when I was there 25 years ago - but 99% of people don't become alcoholics.
On any campus tho, there's things like AA and other recovery groups, and all kinds of student services type help.
It might be good to use this time to research what kind of help is available on your campus to hell keep you sober?
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,373
Hello Abbsjjj I'm also a student, on my final year at university. I know it seems as uni encourages relationship with alcohol (freshers' week etc), but in the end, it's always your choice. Most of my classmates would go to the pub and have 2-3 pints; I'd go to the pub, have 2-3 pints and then go home to drink myself into oblivion. I know there's Student Counselling & Wellbeing Centre on my campus. I haven't been there yet, but I'm planning to make an appointment as soon as uni starts. It's worth checking out what's available on your campus. Who knows, maybe they can help? I wish you best of luck, let us know how things go! You can do it
I'm also a student, on my final year at university. I know it seems as uni encourages relationship with alcohol (freshers' week etc), but in the end, it's always your choice. Most of my classmates would go to the pub and have 2-3 pints; I'd go to the pub, have 2-3 pints and then go home to drink myself into oblivion. I know there's Student Counselling & Wellbeing Centre on my campus. I haven't been there yet, but I'm planning to make an appointment as soon as uni starts. It's worth checking out what's available on your campus. Who knows, maybe they can help? I wish you best of luck, let us know how things go! You can do it Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hi. Glad you found us. Welcome.
You know, at 14 I discovered alcohol and quickly surrounded myself with people who behaved the same way as I did, some the same age, but many older. It led to some unfortunate incidents, but that was not enough to make me change who I hung around with, because I'd found people who enabled me to normalise my drinking and other behaviour. Although I knew then that it was not normal really, and I would go to some lengths to hide things from my parents, and other family and close friends from childhood who had not made the same choices as me.
I left school (well - got 'asked' very politely and firmly to leave) and started work. I'm sure I don't need to tell you what kind of people I made friends with. Although I can assure you that my drinking was not the norm and I knew it. I also found a partner who drank like me. Again, this meant that it was easy to just carry on.
I went to Cambridge university as a mature student. I hang out with mature students in the day, but kept my social life very seperate from them for obvious reasons. But I did notice that there were very different groups in the younger students. Not all were party animals, but the party animals kind of looked down on the quieter more studious ones. I kind of liked the quiet ones, but then I wasn't getting compared to them I suppose. Us mature students escaped a lot of that thankfully. How I got through my degree I will never know as my drinking was pretty horrendous then.
To be honest - every phase of my life I have managed to find others who I could align myself with to justify my own drinking to myself. But now I know that was MY choice. I didn't HAVE to do that. There were plenty of other options, but I didn't want those options. I wanted to drink and get away with it. End of story.
When I decided to get sober I quickly learned that I needed to change who I hung around with and where. I learned that slippery people and places were not only dangerous for my sobriety, but also mind-numbingly tedious. What seemed like fun to me drunk was excrutiatingly boring and meaningless sober. Thankfully I have realised that there is actually a whole different side of life and my community that I had not been able to see from the bar window. And, even better - I really LIKE it.
I've realised that I'm not the party girl that I determined to make myself (because that fitted in with my drinking and I made myself seem fairly tough and scathing to put people off of challenging my choices). I am happier with a book or having a small group chat or one to one conversation than being at a party. I have tried lots of different groups and societies since getting sober which has been fun. I have better friendships now than before.
The thing is, yes, those people I hung about with did enable me (due to the nature of their own choices) to get away with drinking. BUT that was MYchoice at the time. I am not a victim or an idiot. I made my decisions, and they backfired on me. Noone forced me to drink. Noone made me hang out with other heavy drinkers / party animals / alcoholics. That was my choice. But equally it was eventually my choice to take stock and decide that I didn't like who I'd become. That I could not carry on being that person. That it was time to change, and the first thing that needed to go was the alcohol. Because that is what kept me stuck in that vortex.
My experience is similar to many, many people. You too can make that choice if you want to. It might not be easy, but neither is the other option.
Every University has lots of drinking and partying opportunities. But you are there to study, not party. Besides, there will also be lots of sports, drama, and creative opportunities. Even opportunities for volunteering which would be great to put on your CV when the study comes to an end and your are job seeking. There will be local AA meetings which you can attend (it is free and confidential) if you can bring yourself to do this. I have met some amazing female friends in the fellowship - from very varying backgrounds and professions.
I look forward to hearing about some of the amzing things you try at uni should you decide to give sobriety a go.
BB
You know, at 14 I discovered alcohol and quickly surrounded myself with people who behaved the same way as I did, some the same age, but many older. It led to some unfortunate incidents, but that was not enough to make me change who I hung around with, because I'd found people who enabled me to normalise my drinking and other behaviour. Although I knew then that it was not normal really, and I would go to some lengths to hide things from my parents, and other family and close friends from childhood who had not made the same choices as me.
I left school (well - got 'asked' very politely and firmly to leave) and started work. I'm sure I don't need to tell you what kind of people I made friends with. Although I can assure you that my drinking was not the norm and I knew it. I also found a partner who drank like me. Again, this meant that it was easy to just carry on.
I went to Cambridge university as a mature student. I hang out with mature students in the day, but kept my social life very seperate from them for obvious reasons. But I did notice that there were very different groups in the younger students. Not all were party animals, but the party animals kind of looked down on the quieter more studious ones. I kind of liked the quiet ones, but then I wasn't getting compared to them I suppose. Us mature students escaped a lot of that thankfully. How I got through my degree I will never know as my drinking was pretty horrendous then.
To be honest - every phase of my life I have managed to find others who I could align myself with to justify my own drinking to myself. But now I know that was MY choice. I didn't HAVE to do that. There were plenty of other options, but I didn't want those options. I wanted to drink and get away with it. End of story.
When I decided to get sober I quickly learned that I needed to change who I hung around with and where. I learned that slippery people and places were not only dangerous for my sobriety, but also mind-numbingly tedious. What seemed like fun to me drunk was excrutiatingly boring and meaningless sober. Thankfully I have realised that there is actually a whole different side of life and my community that I had not been able to see from the bar window. And, even better - I really LIKE it.
I've realised that I'm not the party girl that I determined to make myself (because that fitted in with my drinking and I made myself seem fairly tough and scathing to put people off of challenging my choices). I am happier with a book or having a small group chat or one to one conversation than being at a party. I have tried lots of different groups and societies since getting sober which has been fun. I have better friendships now than before.
The thing is, yes, those people I hung about with did enable me (due to the nature of their own choices) to get away with drinking. BUT that was MYchoice at the time. I am not a victim or an idiot. I made my decisions, and they backfired on me. Noone forced me to drink. Noone made me hang out with other heavy drinkers / party animals / alcoholics. That was my choice. But equally it was eventually my choice to take stock and decide that I didn't like who I'd become. That I could not carry on being that person. That it was time to change, and the first thing that needed to go was the alcohol. Because that is what kept me stuck in that vortex.
My experience is similar to many, many people. You too can make that choice if you want to. It might not be easy, but neither is the other option.
Every University has lots of drinking and partying opportunities. But you are there to study, not party. Besides, there will also be lots of sports, drama, and creative opportunities. Even opportunities for volunteering which would be great to put on your CV when the study comes to an end and your are job seeking. There will be local AA meetings which you can attend (it is free and confidential) if you can bring yourself to do this. I have met some amazing female friends in the fellowship - from very varying backgrounds and professions.
I look forward to hearing about some of the amzing things you try at uni should you decide to give sobriety a go.
BB
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Kampala, Uganda
Posts: 327
You are very young. I wish I had recognized my drinking as a problem at your age. Now, at 32 (10 years older than you) I'm really struggling but, thankfully, I've made the decision to do all it takes to stop drinking.
Please stop drinking now and experience life for what it really is. Don't waste your 20s.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by decchemist 
(Calm, non-judgmental voice)
You say "I am actually more alert and have intelligent conversation."
I just wonder if you would drive a car after drinking if you say you are more alert?
You say "I am actually more alert and have intelligent conversation."
I just wonder if you would drive a car after drinking if you say you are more alert?
Pfffttt - I was 'wittier, prettier AND tittier' when I was drinking (in my head anyway).
Lol.
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