| noturningback2 | 08-19-2017 12:11 PM |
i made 30 days!!!
Cant believe I have done it this far..... so happy today. Feeling so empowered, its an odd feeling to feel you are conquering something hat took from you for so long. I have tried and failed 100 times, this time I decided to get back up and try and again, and this time was different. Maybe I want it more than before, but lets say this is my longest sober time in many many years. I haven't been on much recently as life just got crazy busy, but in a good way, ive accomplished so much more in this month than I did in the previous 6.
Also poignant on this day as I am sat scrolling through facebook as I read about peoples hangovers today (rather smugly). Is a post, that really got to me, someone on my friends list posted a picture of herself completely dishevelled, make up everywhere, mud all over her face. As a reminder and to be accountable as to why she shouldn't drink anymore, as the comments unfolded it turned out she didn't know how she got home, that the taxi driver carried her in her house etc.... And I just had that moment of WOW, that was me a month ago. I don't miss that feeling that I know she must have today, trying to piece the night back together, frantically checking the phone for clues, do you have your phone, bank cards, keys. My heart went out to her, but yet feel like I don't know her well enough to reach out. Its lonely when all your mates think you are the life of the party and crazy and hilarious, and inside you are being ripped apart by anxiety bit by bit for days on end. As sad as I feel for her, it was a good reminder of why I am doing what I am.
I didn't think 30 days was possible, but it is, if I can do that, and continue with the tools I am building...I can do this for life | 