Blogs


Notices

Advice needed

Old 08-19-2017, 08:09 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1
Advice needed

My long term partner and I have moved to a new country. Partner has always liked to drink, and often goes out with his friends alone. He always drinks to get drunk. Since moving a couple of weeks ago it has become worse, he doesn't drink everyday but when he does he gets really mean and has started gambling too. He is always regretful the next morning and says he needs to go home to sort himself out. I want him to stay so He looked up AA meetings in our new city but that's as far as it got. He was sober for a week but this happened again and he ended up spending lots of money at the casino. Moving has always been something I've wanted to do, and he moved for me, and I think it's too much for him. I do not want to go home though. Should I ask him to go home, or should I try to see if it gets better? I don't think he can quit alcohol all together because it is a big part of his social life.
Polly555 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Polly555 For This Useful Post:
Anna (08-19-2017), ChloeRose63 (08-19-2017), DarklingSong (08-19-2017)
Old 08-19-2017, 08:18 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
biminiblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 23,438
Hey, welcome to the site. It's fine if you post here, there are many who have been in similar situations as you are finding yourself.

Alcoholism (and gambling/addictions in general) are progressive. It will get worse unless he gets treatment. So your choice is difficult, and maybe it would be better if he lived on his own. Sounds like it would definitely be better for you.
biminiblue is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to biminiblue For This Useful Post:
ChloeRose63 (08-19-2017), Dee74 (08-19-2017)
Old 08-19-2017, 10:03 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 57,329
Welcome, and I'm sorry for your situation. Moving is also emotional and it sounds like it may be causing your partner's alcoholism to escalate. I hope that he decides to seek help for himself. You need to take care of yourself and do what you need to do.
Anna is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Anna For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (08-19-2017)
Old 08-19-2017, 10:04 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
My Own Muse
 
ChloeRose63's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
Posts: 18,362
I think you should let him go home. Things will only get worse and he will drag you down with him. You will never be able to help him or change him so don't waste your life. He will have to deal with his addictions when he sees how bad things are becoming. Do not become his enabler and don't let him become your problem to fix.
ChloeRose63 is online now  
Old 08-19-2017, 10:34 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
~sb
 
sugarbear1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,745
If you really think he has a problem, then maybe you should start attending some Al-Anon meetings and start to heal, then maybe he'll decide to get help for himself, too!
sugarbear1 is offline  
Old 08-19-2017, 04:20 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 201,790
Blog Entries: 1
Hi and welcome Polly

I'm sorry for your situation, but there's been some good advice here.

Noone can make someone else stop drinking unless they want to, but Al Anon sounds like a great idea for support for yourself

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 08-19-2017, 04:32 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Ireland
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by sugarbear1 View Post
If you really think he has a problem, then maybe you should start attending some Al-Anon meetings and start to heal, then maybe he'll decide to get help for himself, too!
Sorry - not sure if this is getting to you Polly. I think the bears advice here is really good. It will help put hings in perspective and you can work out from there together and with help. I was in a really good relationship but unfortunately didn't go this - in hindsight, it would have been a good idea. As all our saying, look after yourself.
Paul9944 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:09 AM.