Advice needed

Old 08-19-2017, 08:09 AM
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Advice needed

My long term partner and I have moved to a new country. Partner has always liked to drink, and often goes out with his friends alone. He always drinks to get drunk. Since moving a couple of weeks ago it has become worse, he doesn't drink everyday but when he does he gets really mean and has started gambling too. He is always regretful the next morning and says he needs to go home to sort himself out. I want him to stay so He looked up AA meetings in our new city but that's as far as it got. He was sober for a week but this happened again and he ended up spending lots of money at the casino. Moving has always been something I've wanted to do, and he moved for me, and I think it's too much for him. I do not want to go home though. Should I ask him to go home, or should I try to see if it gets better? I don't think he can quit alcohol all together because it is a big part of his social life.
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Old 08-19-2017, 08:18 AM
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Hey, welcome to the site. It's fine if you post here, there are many who have been in similar situations as you are finding yourself.

Alcoholism (and gambling/addictions in general) are progressive. It will get worse unless he gets treatment. So your choice is difficult, and maybe it would be better if he lived on his own. Sounds like it would definitely be better for you.
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Old 08-19-2017, 10:03 AM
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Welcome, and I'm sorry for your situation. Moving is also emotional and it sounds like it may be causing your partner's alcoholism to escalate. I hope that he decides to seek help for himself. You need to take care of yourself and do what you need to do.
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Old 08-19-2017, 10:04 AM
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I think you should let him go home. Things will only get worse and he will drag you down with him. You will never be able to help him or change him so don't waste your life. He will have to deal with his addictions when he sees how bad things are becoming. Do not become his enabler and don't let him become your problem to fix.
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Old 08-19-2017, 10:34 AM
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If you really think he has a problem, then maybe you should start attending some Al-Anon meetings and start to heal, then maybe he'll decide to get help for himself, too!
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Old 08-19-2017, 04:20 PM
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Hi and welcome Polly

I'm sorry for your situation, but there's been some good advice here.

Noone can make someone else stop drinking unless they want to, but Al Anon sounds like a great idea for support for yourself

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Old 08-19-2017, 04:32 PM
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Originally Posted by sugarbear1 View Post
If you really think he has a problem, then maybe you should start attending some Al-Anon meetings and start to heal, then maybe he'll decide to get help for himself, too!
Sorry - not sure if this is getting to you Polly. I think the bears advice here is really good. It will help put hings in perspective and you can work out from there together and with help. I was in a really good relationship but unfortunately didn't go this - in hindsight, it would have been a good idea. As all our saying, look after yourself.
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