lynmar2016

Hi, I am new to al-anon. It has been 4 weeks now. I found a wonderful group of people and really enjoy going each week. I did have one question today. As I went onto your site, I found the answer I was looking for.
My question was: Can a member of Al-anon still be a social drinker? Does it make me a hypocrite?
Since, I only drink once in a while, socially, it is not my problem. My problem was growing up with an alcoholic father and marrying an alcoholic. Since my husband passed away in 2012 from severe pancreatitis caused by drinking, I have started dating again in the past 2 years. I found out that trying to date and understand a man who is a recovering alcoholic and has been in AA for 43 years is just as hard. We will remain friends, but nothing more. He lies and cheats, and is selfish, just as an alcoholic would do.
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you

azwakeupcall

Sounds like you gravitate towards drunks. Why? I would worry less about your own consumption and steer clear of alcoholics. It can't just be a coincidence?

Empathic1

Hi I always thought AA was mostly to help,support, encourage alcoholics to learn the health risks,plan recovery and support them after withdrawal so they dont ever drink again.not 100% as I've never been to a meeting, but why do you attend if you are a social drinker if you dont mind me askin? You seem to have had more than your fair share of heartache with people close to you who were alcoholics sadly or do you go to meetings to find out more about how to live/ help some one close to you who is an alcoholic .

decchemist

AA and Al-Anon are different things. AA is for drinkers, Al-Anon is for family and friends of drinkers.

Maudcat

Hi, lynmar. Welcome to SR.
My experience in Al-Anon is that many in the fellowship eschew drinking, largely because a drinking family member or two have wreaked havoc in their lives.
But certainly not all.
There is no litmus test that I know of.
Peace.

Empathic1

Ahh right I didnt know that,i thought it was another short name for AA..thank you for telling me

Maudcat

I think many people get them confused, in part because Al-Anon was started by Lois W. , wife of AA cofounder Bill W., and other wives of AA members who saw the need for a fellowship to help support families and friends of drinkers.
Al-Anon is set up the same as AA, with twelve steps and twelve traditions, group meetings and sharing.
I think of the two organizations as opposite sides of the same coin.
One side supports drinkers who no longer drink or have the desire to stop; the other offers experience, strength and hope to their loved ones and friends.

axeman5971

My early experience in treatment and early recovery makes me think it's ok if you drink - as long as you can truly say you can quit at any time for any duration without significant trouble - if you don't obsess over alcohol - if it hasn't hurt your health, your sanity, your relationships, etc. I know I can't drink because I check every box I just listed.

Also, from my early experience, he doesn't sound like someone who has really been a dedicated AA member for that long, or someone who has actually worked the steps...

Anna

I'm not sure if you're in AA or AlAnon. If you are in AlAnon, of course you could be a social drinker, but if you're in AA, it wouldn't work because alcoholics cannot moderate their drinking. And, not all alcoholics cheat. I can speak from personal experience on that one.