ALivingWill

So my problem is that I know I drink too much but just don't have a reason to quit. I'm not trying to get "you don't know what the future will hold" answers. I am just saying, I drink a shitload, then I go to bed. It's how I live and how I sleep.

How does a person who wants to live alone, have nobody else around, has depression and needs alcohol to sleep cope aside from taking drugs? Is there a way? I don't want any zen buddha **** advice either, I've read "Dharma Bums" by Kerouac. It doesn't work.

Dee74

Hi

I quit, cos my drinking at home around the clock nearly killed me.
Not figuratively but literally.

I didn't want to die at 40, or lie there for a month before someone came to the door.

What I did then was find a purpose.

There's nothing airy fairy about finding a reason to get up in the morning or peel yourself off the couch.

Try some volunteering - I helped others - they felt good and I felt good too.

The road back started from there

I reckon I grew up twenty years in my first year sober.

For the lack of sleep, anxiety, and whatever you're self medicating for, the alcohols ultimately making it all worse anyway.

Give it a try - what have you got to lose really?

You might end up writing a even better book than Dharma Bums....

D

ALivingWill

To me it's more complicated than this, but thanks for the comment. You definitely had some good points. Death by alcohol doesn't seem bad to me given the pain and surprise of most deaths. This one I'm aware of and I have the numbing peace at all times when I pound back a few hundred ml of vodka. I guess my question is, why quit if I don't want to live anyways? I am really searching for reasons to stop but life is so meaningless in the first place and all deaths are cruel.

Mummyto2

Hi, I quit because I dont want to die early, I used to say I drank to sleep, but that was rubbish as I didn't ever get a proper sleep, what do you think about going to AA or do sober recovery, if you want to stop the only reason you need is because of how its making you feel and what its doing to your mind and body, wishing you all the best

ALivingWill

thanks, but my issue is I have no reason to live, am tired, hate my life and don't want to commit suicide. This seems like an easy way to get through an otherwise horrible day. Any viable solutions?

aasharon90

Alcohol is a substance that is poisonous
to every inch of our being. It's like acid
eating away at our brains and all the vital
organs inside us that keep our hearts
beating and blood flowing thru our veins.

Alcohol does so much damage to us
that we can't even think straight or
reason right because everything is
so distorted and eaten away with
this poisonous substance.

You are not alone because their are
so many folks going thru the same
situation as you and and have come
here to SR seeking help, suggestions,
guidance and so much HOPE that if
many of us who have found an effective,
workable recovery solution for our
alcohol or drug addiction and have
have remained sober or clean for
many one days at a time, then so can
you.

You are not alone because we all
are at different stages of recovery
beginning with willingness, openmindedness
and honesty to listen, learn, absorb and
apply helpful knowledge about addiction
and receive a program of recovery to
help build a strong solid foundation to
live your life moving forward with reason
and purpose.

It has to start with getting rid of
the poisonous net that you think
is holding you up and replace it
recovery support.

We're here for you.

Dee74

you're not going to find anyone here to say go for it.
I've lost friends, members who posted here just like you and I are now, from addiction.

A long history of drinking brings with it a profound apathy, a certain bleakness of vision, and a jaded cynical view of the world and ourselves.

I drank for so long I honestly thought those things were deep down essential me ... but I can tell you there's a world of difference in not really caring if you live and die...and suddenly being faced with actually dying.

There's a lot of wisdom and experience here- I hope you stick around

D

Arpeggioh

Is it possible that vodka might be contributing to the darkness expressed above? I'm not being flip, I'm honestly asking.

From what I hear, death by alcohol is a pretty painful way to go. Being a total wuss, I decided I'd better stop drinking vodka all day, every day. I actually feel a lot better...

MrPL

I don't think drinking is actually helping with how you feel about your life. It may work short term, but judging by the stories here on SR sooner or later it will make things worse.

What I can add from my experience is that I had to get sober before I could work on being happy. In my case I was able to change my lifestyle to get there, but others here have had more serious issues and had to get help with depression, anxiety and anger.

Either way, in evevery case I saw here sobering up allowed people to at least start tackling their other issues. Maybe this could be your reason too?

I do hope things improve for you.

All the best.

P

Mummyto2

That's probably the drink making you feel that way, I have never felt suicidal or hated my life whilst sober, drinking I wanted to die every day and hated myself my life and every body else, think about it

Nowsthetime

Hi and welcome:

You cope by learning to live sober. Educate yourself, make a plan and work it.

Nobody NEEDS alcohol for sleeping. Have you heard of AV? Alcohol is a depressant so consuming it isn't helping you at all. It's adding to the problem.

There are lots of us that have been where you are and we have made it through.

I'm glad you found us and I hope to see you around. We are here for support.

Nonsensical

Then it is inconsistent that you are here asking us to help you find other ways to cope. If you were resigned to drinking yourself to death you wouldn't bother with a sobriety forum.

The truth is you aren't resigned to drinking yourself to death. Your addiction to alcohol is telling you it'd be OK, but you don't believe it so you're here searching for a better way.

I hope you find it.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

Bird615

I also wondered why you would post here if you really didn't care. A part of you does care and is reaching out.

There is a way out of where you are right now; I didn't trust that idea either at first and just went on blind faith in the beginning that life could eventually get better. It involved work and effort, though, and I had to start accepting that maybe I didn’t have all the answers and try some of the suggestions of others for a change. Having an open mind helped me a lot but I only had that because I couldn't stand my life as it was anymore.

There are a lot of people here that have been where you're at and they have found a way out. If you want something different than where you are now, SR can be a great place to start. Welcome!

HTown

I echo the comments here, Life was miserable for me, I said what is the point? That was when I was drinking, it has been a year sober, I am not miserable now.

biminiblue

When I was drinking I had that woe-is-me self-belief as well. Didn't care whether I lived or died. I thought I needed it to keep anxiety away. Well, turns out I did need it - because I had altered the way my brain and body functioned and I couldn't make it through a day or night without it.

It gets so much better after some sober time. I don't mean a week or a month, but continuous complete abstinence for many months in a row.

Life is nice now. I want to get up in the morning. I want to take care of myself, and I'm kind to myself in my actions and thoughts.

The alcohol caused me so much inner pain.

I hope you join us on the much better and much easier sober side.

Anna

Do you know that alcohol is a depressant? You would likely find your attitude toward life would change considerably if you stop drinking.

graciepearl

I quit because for whatever of my life is left I wanted to be present for it. I found a much better life when I wasn't losing large parts of it to the wine witch.

rascalwhiteoak

I also drank shitloads, ate unhealthily, then went to bed for years. I live alone, I get depression, I thought I needed alcohol for basically everything. It was a passive suicide of sorts, and I was fine with it until I started to feel myself actually decline in the sort of way that trips a bunch of animal brain survival instinct alarms.

Because the thing is, I'm the best reason for me to get sober. It doesn't have to be for the sake of someone else -- in fact, it's better if it isn't. It took me realizing that to make it work.

least

I was that depressed when I was drinking. Saw no future, didn't value my life.

Part of that was the alcohol, and part was clinical depression. I am treating the depression with meds and therapy, and I treated the alcoholism by getting sober for good. Within several months I noticed a profound change: I was no longer waking up hating myself. I was sleeping better, with no chemical help, and waking up in a good mood.

I sounded like you once, almost 8 yrs ago. But I stayed sober despite the depression and it got better. Took me a while to notice it, but it did get better.

I hope the part of you that found SR and joined, will use our support to get sober for good. Life doesn't have to be a hell-hole. Alcohol just makes it look that way.