Day Six again... I'm flattened and feeling terrible... how do I finally kick this...
 

One year sober.
One whole year.
And then I went to a three-week-long work thing. I KNEW this was going to be a problem but I was feeling cocky so I didn't check AA before I went.

(My history: female, social drinker age 22-27... heavy binge drinker 27-36... now 37...)

Third day in, an important guy said that he'd give me a contract if I did a shot with him. I am desperate for work so I did it. (This is how it is done in my industry). I got the work. I also got a three-week bender out if it. When they say NOT EVEN ONCE they mean it.

Got help. Went back to AA. Told my husband (he is disappointed but supportive). Now my liver area is in burning pain and I can't keep anything down, water or food and my fatigue is awful. I am a week sober and feel like I am going to die. Had labs and ultrasound taken in late June and the doctors didn't see ANYTHING but now I'm CONVINCED I've finally f***ed myself over for good and that this three-week bender pushed me over into cirrhosis and I am going to die. I have a job now so I can go back for counseling which I plan to do.

I don't know what to do besides go back to AA and never drink again and try better. But what if my body is dying? I feel like I'm going to die.

what do i do now

Go and get yourself checked out too see if you have caused any liver damage, good luck

The body has amazing abilities to heal, a 3 week bender shouldnt do irreversible damage given you had a year clean prior. If doc didn't see any signs for concern, I would believe him/her.
You are still removing alcohol from your system even after a week so give it a bit more time :)
Try to think positively, it's hard but with practise it does help, particularly with the mental side which plays a big role in the physical side in my opinion. It does for me.

I can be dramatic. I think one symptom of any sort is automatically cancer ans I am going to die.
With that being said, I really doubt you have cirrhosis. Just becsuse you have a pain near your liver doesnt mean you have thia disease. If youre not confident in your doctor's opinion, seek a second one.
Best of luck to you.

this:

" I am a week sober and feel like I am going to die. Had labs and ultrasound taken in late June and the doctors didn't see ANYTHING but now I'm CONVINCED I've finally f***ed myself over for good and that this three-week bender pushed me over into cirrhosis and I am going to die."

then this:
" But what if my body is dying? "

youre convinced, but then IF.so your playing mind games with yourself.
not all thoughts are true. dont believe it because youre not a doctor.

"what do i do now."
go see your doctor.
go to meetings and work the steps.
powerlessness doesnt have to be only about alcohol- it can also be about thinking, which it reads like you could use some admitting youre powerless over your thinking and its unmanagable.
then proceed to step 2 on it.
i also highly suggest not allowing yourself to get cocky again.

Hi Madz - sorry for what brings you back but welcome back nonetheless :)

Like others have said, I was sure I was dying too - but I got through - I'm confident you will too.

If one shot leads to all this, then you're a drinker like me... and yeah - not even one is my credo.

Find a new way to seal the deal in future :)

D