Conflicted. Need support...
 

I am remaining strong in my sobriety when it comes to my sex addiction and my other drug habits, but after 2 months sober from weed I relapsed on that last month. I'm trying to bring myself back to the same mind set I was in last time when I decided I should be completely sober and I can't think like that right now. I don't know what it will take to force myself into trying again. I shouldn't have let myself relapse in the first place. The reason I self medicate with weed is because I've been taking different medications for depression throughout the years and they all have only helped so much. Weed does help a little with some of the symptoms but I don't know if the paranoia that I am messing up my lungs is worth it. I don't want to go to sleep at night thinking about how I am messing with my lungs.
I'd be willing to work harder at being sober if I tried to be sober again but I don't know if I'm ready to be sober. I have tried meetings before at different fellowships but have not went many times, it is a hard task for someone with social anxiety. Someone here suggested SMART and I will consider that if I do try again. And I hope I can get back to the point of wanting to try again. Last time I smoked was half a day ago, I'm hoping I don't smoke again when I get home. Thank you for reading.

I truly hope you can get back to wanting to be sober again. It takes a lot of motivation to get sober and recover. I also take medication for depression and I agree it only helps so much. For me, it kind of evens the playing field but I still have to work on staying positive every day. I hope that you do the best thing for your health and your well-being and work on recovery.