recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 13
recovery
I'm back again, day one for me. I'm too sick from last night to type much, but the stupid thing is I still want more, in spite of everything. That's addiction for you, that voice in my head trying to get me to drink more and more, even though I know it's doing me no good. At least I've recognised the problem, I know if I can do this I will be ok. I had 9 months sober last year and it felt so good. I want to get back to that. I know it's going to be tough but if I keep posting here and go to meetings I know I can do it. I'm so sick of drinking. I want to be sober so bad. I need to break the chain some how.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome.
I know you can do it, too. It took me many failed attempts to quit.
You recognize you have a problem and are willing to take action. That's huge and a good start.
You had some sober time. You can do it again.
When you hear that voice in your head, remember what you feel like now and realize you never you have to feel like that again.
You've found a great place for support and meetings are a great idea.
Like I say, it took me many attempts, but I never gave up trying.
Best to you, and remember, you never have to drink again.
I know you can do it, too. It took me many failed attempts to quit.
You recognize you have a problem and are willing to take action. That's huge and a good start.
You had some sober time. You can do it again.
When you hear that voice in your head, remember what you feel like now and realize you never you have to feel like that again.
You've found a great place for support and meetings are a great idea.
Like I say, it took me many attempts, but I never gave up trying.
Best to you, and remember, you never have to drink again.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Hi, I sure remember how hard it is to break out of the cycle. You need to have faith that you can do it and go for it. It's hard, no question about that, but you will feel so much better about yourself and your life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 13
Struggling a bit today with withdrawing, feeling constantly sweaty yuk, what a horrible feeling. I am drinking lots of water and eating healthy I am sure it will pass. Even though I feel this way there's still the temptation in my mind to go out and have a couple of pints, it'll help to taper off is the excuse but of course it's the same old slippery slope that got me to where I am now. Funny I had the same idea on Monday, I had a hangover from Sunday and just thought I'd have one or two to take the edge off and use the internet cause I don't have wifi in my house at the moment, that was at 1:30 in the afternoon, flash forward I'm drinking double vodka and coke one after the other, it's 4:30 in the morning (a drinker told me there's a pub where I've moved now that stays open until 5 in the morning every night playing dance music - oh joy) .
When my local closed at 11 of course I went there. It's a really dodgy locals place where everyone knows each other and I'm there on my own. This guy kept pestering me to sit with him and his mates, don't think they had the best intentions if you know what I mean. Started talking with some people, I think a couple of them owned the place, they were on coke or pills I think, this girl was really friendly, dance with me she says, gives me a hug like we're friends. Kept telling me to put my bag down and dance, then this one guy comes up to me and says you know they're trying to rob you right? Thank god he did because I had my expensive laptop in that bag and I was completely oblivious. I only have vague memories of doing it, but later after they closed I go grab bags of rubbish from wheelie bins and empty them on the doorstep and **** up it. I had thoughts of throughing a brick through the window but thank god I didn't. WTF? Totally out of character for me to do that and very dangerous given there were people still inside.
So anyway at least it's given me a much needed kick start. Going out for one and get steaming drunk and putting myself in these situations has got to stop.
I didn't sleep to well last night but I feel like I will tonight as long as I stay sober, proper restful sleep. Not to productive with work but hey at least I'm not pissing what I do earn down the drain today. I think I'm getting better at identifying that addictive voice and just knowing that I don't have to do it, no matter how I try to justify it, I can be firm with myself and say no. With each passing my strength to resist will grow stronger. I love sobriety, being healthy, doing exercise, still a long road but I know I can do it. I am so grateful for this place to note down my thoughts and read others. It's so helpful to look back because I know in a few days I'm going to be feeling much better and the urge to drink will return, then I can just read this again and remember.
When my local closed at 11 of course I went there. It's a really dodgy locals place where everyone knows each other and I'm there on my own. This guy kept pestering me to sit with him and his mates, don't think they had the best intentions if you know what I mean. Started talking with some people, I think a couple of them owned the place, they were on coke or pills I think, this girl was really friendly, dance with me she says, gives me a hug like we're friends. Kept telling me to put my bag down and dance, then this one guy comes up to me and says you know they're trying to rob you right? Thank god he did because I had my expensive laptop in that bag and I was completely oblivious. I only have vague memories of doing it, but later after they closed I go grab bags of rubbish from wheelie bins and empty them on the doorstep and **** up it. I had thoughts of throughing a brick through the window but thank god I didn't. WTF? Totally out of character for me to do that and very dangerous given there were people still inside.
So anyway at least it's given me a much needed kick start. Going out for one and get steaming drunk and putting myself in these situations has got to stop.
I didn't sleep to well last night but I feel like I will tonight as long as I stay sober, proper restful sleep. Not to productive with work but hey at least I'm not pissing what I do earn down the drain today. I think I'm getting better at identifying that addictive voice and just knowing that I don't have to do it, no matter how I try to justify it, I can be firm with myself and say no. With each passing my strength to resist will grow stronger. I love sobriety, being healthy, doing exercise, still a long road but I know I can do it. I am so grateful for this place to note down my thoughts and read others. It's so helpful to look back because I know in a few days I'm going to be feeling much better and the urge to drink will return, then I can just read this again and remember.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 13
Oh I forgot to mention, I had barely nothing to eat that day.
A can of soup and a piece of toast then 15 hours of drinking.
When I finally came home I tried to cook a pie but fell asleep with the oven on.... luckily the fire alarm woke me. Complete madness. I'm not living like that anymore.
A can of soup and a piece of toast then 15 hours of drinking.
When I finally came home I tried to cook a pie but fell asleep with the oven on.... luckily the fire alarm woke me. Complete madness. I'm not living like that anymore.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 13
Day two, I'm already feeling so much better and getting a bit of clarity.
The lethargy has been difficult today. with all the binging I'd gotten so sleep deprived, but last night there was no alcohol in my system. My body loved me for it. First night of restful sleep in so long. Unfortunately I really struggled to get going this morning and didn't do much work (I work from home), but I'm not going to beat myself up about it, because I know I could have easily drunk away the money that I did earn.
Even though I had thoughts all through the day, seeing people drinking in the sun as I passed pubs, I reminded myself I'm trying to catch an illusion. The first couple might be nice, but it's never just a couple, is it?
The lethargy has been difficult today. with all the binging I'd gotten so sleep deprived, but last night there was no alcohol in my system. My body loved me for it. First night of restful sleep in so long. Unfortunately I really struggled to get going this morning and didn't do much work (I work from home), but I'm not going to beat myself up about it, because I know I could have easily drunk away the money that I did earn.
Even though I had thoughts all through the day, seeing people drinking in the sun as I passed pubs, I reminded myself I'm trying to catch an illusion. The first couple might be nice, but it's never just a couple, is it?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 611
Originally Posted by chiasticslide 
I reminded myself I'm trying to catch an illusion. The first couple might be nice, but it's never just a couple, is it?
Take care of yourself right now and listen to your body -- it'll tell you what it needs.
(No, not alcohol, it doesn't need that
)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 135
Hi chiastics!
Glad you're here. The first days are rough after a bender. I can totally see myself performing the antics you described above, right down to dumping the trash out and contemplating dangerous ideas. I shuddered inside when I read those words because I have also been that person who is a stranger to myself. But it is all a good reminder to me to stay sober as well. Cos as the sober days rack up, sometimes the awful memories fade, and my brain starts to think about trying out one or two again. Your post reminds me I can't, so thank you for sharing.
Best wishes to you, you will get through this. I am at 15 days sober and feeling much better. I was a sweaty exhausted mess for the first couple days. Try to drink a lot of water and eat some fruit and toast.
Welcome!
Glad you're here. The first days are rough after a bender. I can totally see myself performing the antics you described above, right down to dumping the trash out and contemplating dangerous ideas. I shuddered inside when I read those words because I have also been that person who is a stranger to myself. But it is all a good reminder to me to stay sober as well. Cos as the sober days rack up, sometimes the awful memories fade, and my brain starts to think about trying out one or two again. Your post reminds me I can't, so thank you for sharing.
Best wishes to you, you will get through this. I am at 15 days sober and feeling much better. I was a sweaty exhausted mess for the first couple days. Try to drink a lot of water and eat some fruit and toast.
Welcome!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 13
Well, I'm back again on day one.
It was going okay, did a couple of weeks, even quit smoking. Then a family occasion happened, I used it to legitimise having a drink, it didn't feel good, which I guess allowed me to pretend that I could control it. I didn't drink for a few days, but as soon as the opportunity to so came about I binged. Sure enough within a week I was back to drinking every day and smoking.
I have to try to talk myself down somehow ... In my mind I will try to convince myself that it's ok to have just one but deep down I know that it's never just the one. The moment I sip that first drink I'm no longer in control.
Well, I'm here now and for what it's worth those few days of sobriety felt great. I'm ready to try again.
It was going okay, did a couple of weeks, even quit smoking. Then a family occasion happened, I used it to legitimise having a drink, it didn't feel good, which I guess allowed me to pretend that I could control it. I didn't drink for a few days, but as soon as the opportunity to so came about I binged. Sure enough within a week I was back to drinking every day and smoking.
I have to try to talk myself down somehow ... In my mind I will try to convince myself that it's ok to have just one but deep down I know that it's never just the one. The moment I sip that first drink I'm no longer in control.
Well, I'm here now and for what it's worth those few days of sobriety felt great. I'm ready to try again.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by chiasticslide
Well, I'm here now...I'm ready to try again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 13
Just checking in. It's been four months today without drinking and smoking. I didn't think it was possible. It was so hard in the beginning but now I feel like a different person and barely recognise the above posts.
I am much more clear headed with drive, energy, money but most importantly enjoyment of life.
Of course things are not perfect but I have accepted alcohol is never a solution. I rarely crave and when I do I'm filled with horror at the thought that I might drink again and adamant that I never will. Whilst that was a fearful, empty feeling in the beginning, now it is a feeling of strength.
I am much more clear headed with drive, energy, money but most importantly enjoyment of life.
Of course things are not perfect but I have accepted alcohol is never a solution. I rarely crave and when I do I'm filled with horror at the thought that I might drink again and adamant that I never will. Whilst that was a fearful, empty feeling in the beginning, now it is a feeling of strength.
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