rainyengland

Hi :-) ..how do you deal with it? Know it's a million dollar question but if you have any pointers

Bottletop

Well right now, I try to let myself feel those feelings and accept no one knows what is coming rpund the corner. I think my fear was I would blow it all up. Like they say. Focus on what you can change. Be aware of what you can influence, don't worry about what you have no control of. I was my biggest worry. Never believed I was ever able to not destroy other people so i just reverted to who i thought i was and what others were expecting. I'm trying to step back and look at this from outside. I've got lots of good bits (prob go too far the other way making up for my self perceived failings...so trying to balance my thinking. My brother told me.....I have one thing to fix. So I'm focussing on that....me. not other ppl for once. My gf left recently (she warned me...i self destructed). I did soooo much for her and offered her a chance of a good happy life. But 2 things. I went boom....and 2, I was resigned to it. That needs to be broken.

rainyengland

Thanks Bottletop

I went to doctors today - this is a BIG deal for me as I avoid them at all costs !

I'm getting some counselling :-) , also got some tablets to take the edge off while I sort myself out

Feel much better for going to docs and thanks everyone to listening to me :-) :-)

August252015

Yes, to your question, Rainy, and yes YES YES to the excellent posts above.

Bottom line? When in active addiction- drinking- I lived an insane life. Now that I am sober, I don't. My life is sane, I can make good choices, I have tools to combat the negative voices and thoughts (and they come with much less frequency and severity). ... thanks to AA, my problem (drinking/addiction) has been removed due to daily maintenance of spiritual fitness and the right outlook- other focused, steadfast in my right thinking, etc.

You can have that kind of change, too.

rainyengland

I'm still in the insane state currently but I'm going to win ! I'm not drinking again I know that