Dee74

https://theconversation.com/why-do-o...-we-dont-68430

D

August252015

Thanks, Dee. I am always looking for material to share with the restaurant industry recovery group I work so hard to grow. This kind of stuff is great for the FB page and twitter.

Maudcat

Thanks, Dee.

LadyBlue0527

Thanks Dee!

SeanFox87

Thanks Dee, this is one of the hardest obstacles in my opinion because you find out who true friends are and it can get you down and frustrated when some people won't let up about you choosing not to drink.

joandmelandhan

Thanks Dee. This is very common in the UK too. I liked the part about our abstinence holding a mirror to other peoples drinking habits.....
My trick early on was to throw in the anxiety and depression card and that booze is very bad for my mental health (which I'm quite open about). No one has tried to persuade me to drink even on nights out (which are rare anyway). Each to their own but a little white lie or cover story can cut that kind of pressure dead in my experience.

Garuda

I have a friend who tries to get me to drink every time I see him, and now that it's been years, it's become a running joke. The truth is he needs to cut way down or stop altogether. He's not well, and alcohol isn't helping.

PhoenixJ

A social norm. Like saying 'good' when someone asks how you are- even if you feel like crap. Manners. Who would refuse to toast the bride?

azwakeupcall

I think, with the two prevalent groups (heavy drinkers and social/light drinkers), both would pressure a peer to drink because: The heavy drinkers drink all the time, it's what they do, it's what you do, it's why you hang out, so something must be really wrong if you're going against the social event which is, in fact, drinking. To the light social drinking crowd, they spend most of their lives sober and working 9-5 jobs, and on the occasional night out they want to let loose a little and relax with a drink, and think you should too. They wonder why you're being so uptight, a stick in the mud, when you've worked all week and deserve to relax. What they don't know is that you probably downed a 6 pack before arriving, and fully plan on downing another when you get home. Or in the case of those recovering, that having just that one drink will lead you back down that road...

However, should your friends be aware that you are a problem drinker, they should not be insisting on you taking a drink. That's just rude and irresponsible and not very friend-like.

August252015

Dee- thanks again- I shared this on my FB page for the recovery group and it has gotten over 2000 reads, a lot of likes and shares. I look for what posts resonate best and this was definitely one that got a reaction and a lot of reach.

LadyBlue0527

A friend who doesn't support your sobriety is not a friend. That and their issue with you not drinking has everything to do with them and very little to do with you.

When you're missing a friend try this. Think about calling that friend but making plans to do something at a location where there's no alcohol. Maybe walking a hiking trail, going to a public park, going to the movies. Whatever the plan is it must be a situation where there is no chance for alcohol to be involved. Is it still important to you? Will your friend be open to it? The answer should reveal both your underlying motive and if that person is safe to hang out with in early sobriety, and perhaps, ever.

Do everything you must to protect your sobriety.

LesPaul1993

I think that the behaviour is disliked because the vast majority of people drink which makes drinking socially normative by majority vote irrespective of whether the practice is healthy or not.

In healthcare one would think that the various practitioners of various disciplines would be wise to the problems with alcohol. Some are but surprisingly, doctors, nurses, social workers, etc. can party as heartily as anyone else and their social gatherings are not absent from peer pressure to over-imbibe.

Not drinking can place one outside the circle of fellowship and friends want everyone "inside." Friends who drink haven't come to the point where they think there are any substantial issues attached to drinking. I think "honest deceptions" can help in social situations, such as having a highball glass filled with soda, or mineral water, and ice. I have a family event coming up soon where everyone will be toasting with champagne but plan to also have sparkling apple juice available for myself. If a friend presses the issue further it becomes time to talk honestly in private.