MinorKing

I’m an male in his twenties and I clearly have an problem. I’m writing this because I’m bed ridden due to a complicated ankle fracture due an accident while drunk and I know (and friends/family need to tell me) I need to change.

Everything I loved caused my to have a extreme obsession. When I was a child I could only think about sport. Later on I was extreme obsessive about fishing and ways I could catch my fish (day dreaming while at school etc). When I hit puberty, I was playing guitar every possible hour I could. Studying guitar for 10 hours and sleeping for 4 hours wasn’t an exception. When I was 15 I was reading the autobiography Scar Tissue by Anthony Kiedis (of the RHCP). The book is full of terrible addicition story’s and should be a warning why not to do alcohol and drugs. He was a real junkie and explained why it’s so much better to stay sober instead of being far out of your mind. Coincidentally, while I was reading the book I had my first beers (while I was at holiday). It were 3 beers but I clearly remember the feeling: no boundary’s, feeling high, self-esteem, feeling like an man etc. I remember it feeling like a magic trick to feel better.

The following 3 years I drank rarely and at most 4 bears. When I turned 18 I felt like I needed to live on the wild side. I started smoking at least a pack a day which was an important vice for me: the confident feeling, “only smokers are great to socialize with” and so on. I also started binge drinking with friends, 2 days a week I would get pissed (drinking like 10 beers). Being high on alcohol caused me to be very social, make friends, feeling free from depression (from which I was suffering since I was 12) and it made me feel alive! I also fell in love with a sweet girl who unfortunatly had the same problems as me (probably worse).

When I was 19 I started with my new obsession and passion, cannabis. It started with sharing a joint on the weekend with my friends and after 6 months it became the shared passion of my and my ex-girlfriend. We started smoking everyday. In the years that followed she was dropped out of school 3 times. I managed to do well in school while being permanently stoned. She would stay up and live on the street (read smoke weed, drink booze and do other drugs) with friends till 7 AM. At 7 AM we would smoke a joint together (her last one before going to sleep and my first one before going to school). I studied at a university and all the teachers/students approached me that I smelled as weed.

While smoking weed daily, the alcohol became a worse problem. At 21 I was drinking 1 sixpack a day and I had a physical fight with my ex-girlfriend due alcohol and we broke up. The alcohol and cannabis became worse and worse. Althrough I used hard drugs before, it started to became a problem now. For 1 year I was using amphetamine, cocaine and ecstasy every few days. After a year I was bored and I quit without a problem and never had cravings.

My alcohol started to become a bigger problem. I started bedwetting (happened more than 20 times) and started with falling from my bicycle. Firstly I broke my front teeth due to a fall, than I broke my elbow and last month I broke my ankle due to a fall. As you can see I’m a hard learner…

Last year I quit smoking weed and cigarettes without any problem, I never had cravings. So the only demon vice in my life is alcohol. How do I quit? How to start?

Mummyto2

Hi, welcome perhaps a trip to the doctor first as just stopping cold turkey can be dangerous for some, but being here you will get lots of support well done for taking that first step to recognising the problem

Bottletop

Without meaning to cause offence, have you been diagnosed on the autitic spectrum. The obsessive nature, high functioning and social issues sound like aspegers could be a consideratio. My son is on the spectrum. Might help in getting the right treatment and understand yourself.

D122y

Minor,

Wow!

Your post was amazing.

I will cut to the chase. It all starts w a Dr. visit.

You have been there a few times and am not surprised at all that it didn't come out that you are addicted to alcohol.

Imo....you could quit today and never drink again because of your addictive nature and tenacity.

You must decide....analytically...to never drink again.

Addiction to alcohol is locked in our emotions.

I've embraced sobriety.

The problem w quitting booze at such a young age is you bounce back extremely quickly.

The suffering during recovery doesn't hurt enough to motivate you to stay clean.

Been there.

What i didn't have back in my 20s was a desire to quit and the information SR and the www offers to help.

Stay clean.

Thanks.

MinorKing

Thank you so much for your replies!!

I'm not diagnosed in the autism spectre and I've never had withrawl symptoms (I drink 3 times a week).

Today i've had my little "experiment".Drinking a bottle of wine and a beer before 11 in the morning and than stop drinking. This is something I did one time in the past 7 years ago for fun (not a drinking problem back then).

I want to stop but i dont know how to do that last step help me!!

Berrybean

Well, as you are bedridden, presumably someone is bringing you booze. I suggest telling them NOTto, would be a good start. And pour away everything that you have in the house.

Your obsessive attitude to anything that brings you pleasure sounds pretty familiar to me. It is addictive thinking. After all, what is an addiction but taking something that in modertion could be healthy and add to our lives, and then abuse it by taking it beyond the boundaries of moderation and reason until we are either doing it, or thinking obsessively about doing it and it takes over our life in a negative way.

The answer is working on our Recovery so that we can be more balanced. So that we do not feel the need to seek out highs or lose ourself in our obsession to the detriment of our health, welbeing, finances, relationships, etc.

We don't get better by 'experimenting' with a bottle of wine before lunch. But I guess you know that. I suppose it depends on how much you want to get better really. Enough to change?? Enough to commit to staying sober one day at a time?
It's up to each of us to make that decision. Perhaps recovery could be your new obsession?!!

BB