Self Esteem sucks
 

Hi guys,
So I've been sober for a few months now but I am still dealing with the repercussions from my actions, most notably a large amount of credit card debt. I am also quite lonely and would like to find another romantic partner.... who would want to date me though? I feel like most people would run away screaming and I'm not even sure if I should put myself out there. Can anyone relate? If so, how did you cope with these feelings?

Hey there. I found that just going out in public and doing practically anything helped me feel better about myself and my relationships with other people. Talking to people in person, in text messages, online...just being more social in general made me feel more worthwhile.

I wish I could speak from experience of successful dating, but I still feel like I'm a disaster just waiting to wreak havoc on any woman's life I would get involved with. The word "alcoholic" sends most potential partners running for the hills, and with good reason too. I always wonder whether it's better to tell them up about my past up front and have them walk out right there, or keep it a secret until later and have the relationship implode then. Hopefully, though, the more sober time you get, the better the chances are of people overlooking this.

I can totally relate.
I physically have a cold and have been in bed basically for 36 hrs. I have gotten depressed by this... too much time in my head.
My ex dumped me on my 2nd day sober and has since moved on to another girl. Feels pretty crappy. (At least I'm bettering myself, she'll be enjoying the same old same old indignant man...best of luck to her!)
But, I'm not drinking. And I'm not going to.

I know that it won't always be like this. It's time for me to just heal a bit. Hinging onto someone would not allow for me to really focus on me. I don't want to get this wrong. I want my life to be sober no more self inflicted misery. Life is enough to contend with.
I have said exactly what you said "who would want me?" I wouldn't...not like I was...but I'm getting back to the girl I was prior.
So I'm not "perfect" but I am not that girl anymore...and it's only been 50 days.
It's truly a blessing to come here and see you're not alone.
I'm trying to revel in the freedom and alone time...but I certainly feel lonely at times too. I just redirect my attention if possible and if not. I feel it. Alcohol allowed me to feel nothing. Good, bad, indifferent. That's horrible in and of itself. Also bc getting reaquainted with my feelings has been rough. But it already worth it.
Take care,
Jules

at first i thought you meant that HAVING self esteem sucks.....was curious how you arrived at that!

look it's only been a couple months of sobriety and clear headedness. just as it took a while to make the mess, it will take a while to clean it up. just as with sobriety, you will need a financial plan to get things under control. and there will not be a quick fix, sad to say. it's just important that you start NOW. Dave Ramsey is one source for debt recovery.

maybe RIGHT NOW isn't the BEST time to try to launch into a romantic anything. take this time to truly have a relationship with yourself. get to LIKE yourself. learn to LOVE yourself. so that when it's time, you have something to truly offer to another.

stay sober no matter what. it will be ok.

Hi ZB

I'm afraid patience is the key here - it took me over a year to get out of debt, but I did it, digging away bit by bit.

As for feeling lonely - there's time enough for that too - I was glad to have time to work on myself - I actually gained a little self esteem from doing that.

I'd had disastrous relationships before...I didn't want another one, so I'm glad I waited :)

what are you doing for your recovery besides not drinking? :)

D

Meetings, therapy, medication, exercise, supplements, diet, basically everything my doctor can think of