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How to cope

Old 08-09-2017, 04:54 PM
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How to cope

I'm new here to SR and I need some advice. I have been married to an active alcoholic for 4 years now together for 7. We have 1 child together and I have one from a previous relationship, he has 2 from previous relationships. I grew up with my father being an active alcoholic and maybe that is what drew me to my husband. My husband has been through rehab about 2 years ago and stayed sober for about 8 months and then relapsed, which he blames me for because our relationship never got better.
My husband will drink and not come home until the bars close, he never answers the phone while hes out so I never know where he is or when hes coming home. He is a different person when he drinks and we almost always fight. He gets blackout drunk everytime he drinks and then will sleep until 4 or 5 in the afternoon, then get up and head straight for the couch or head to work, which just makes me so mad. By the time he gets up I have been brewing all day from the night before and he hasn't hepled me with the kids or the house. So I usually am in a bad mood which in return gets him in a bad mood. My first reaction is to talk about it, but that makes things worse because he doesn't want to and he would rather be left alone. But at this point I can't help myself and I just go off and he ends up leaving or I end up apologizing. Since I can remember I have begged, pleaded, nagged, physically tried to stop, cried, talked, ect. to him to put our family first and at least cut back on the drinking. This has ultimently pushed him away and made him resent me. I found out he cheated on me and when I confronted him he told me I pushed him in a corner and he felt he had to test our marriage.
He recently has left and told me he is filing for divorce. He said that if I would have listened to him years ago I wouldn't be a single mom now. He tells me we haven't had a good day together in years which I don't believe to be true because when he put in a little effort we got along great. I am at a loss and I feel the weight of this falls on my shoulders I feel to blame that maybe if I wouldn't have nagged him so much and just let him be he would still be here. If I didn't let my feelings always get the best of me he would still love me. I still continue to fight for him becasue I want my family back but he has made it clear he doesn't want me back. How do you cope with the blaming when you just want to take it all back? How to you move on and start living life again
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Old 08-09-2017, 06:27 PM
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I'm sorry for your pain, Klynn. Please don't take ownership of your Husbands shortcomings. It's not your fault he's an alcoholic, not your fault he cheated, and not your fault you actually wanted him to be a husband and father.

Gosh, he's got your head all turned around. What were you supposed to do live life like a robot? Never question his behavior?

I would suggest you look into Al Anon or some sort of counseling. We have an awesome support network here. I'm glad you found us.

Sending you my warmest wishes, Klynn.
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