Support Is What I NEED!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1
Support Is What I NEED!
Hello Everyone,
I am new to this site and I am looking for support to quit drinking. I have asked my husband several times to help me to quit drinking and he simply is no help. He encourages it! He goes to the liquor store and buys me wine when he purchases beer when he knows that I want a sober life. I've have come to the conclusion that he just doesn't want me to quit drinking. He is a daily drinker and functions just fine. I on the other hand don't function well the following day when I drink. I feel terrible and start drinking again just to feel better. See the cycle repeats itself again and again.
We are newly married and have been together for almost 4 years. Drinking too much, too fast, too often has caused problems for me since I started drinking when I was 19 years old. I am now 47 and have counted so many let downs, problems, failed attempts at numerous things that I have set out to do not to mention all of the people that I have hurt. And finally, I'm strong enough to admit it! I am wanting to do something about my problem . I've always know that drinking is a HUGE problem for me and I've realized that I will most likely not succeed at any attempts of a job promotion, being healthy and simply being the best overall person that I can be.
I quit drinking once for 6 weeks to do a weight loss challenge and the experience was wonderful. I lost weight! And I looked and felt great! I wanted to continue this journey and I still want to continue this journey. It has been two years since the challenge and I have fallen back into my same old routine. Going out and drinking and partying at least 3 days a week. I'm not liking myself too much any more because I am not the person that I want to be and that I know that I can be.
I hate to admit it but I've also noticed that I really don't like my husband very much when we aren't drinking and I really can't stand to be around him either. I don't like his topics of conversation. I do not find him attractive when I am not drinking. He is very handsome man but the booze makes him ugly to me. When I am sober, I see things completely different. Everything is so much clearer. I like clarity.
I'm tired of the roller coaster ride and want a happy sober lifestyle. This isn't too much to ask is it? My husband doesn't want this. I went looking for apartments yesterday again. I've moved out before a few times but my love for him brings me back. I get so confused, mad and frustrated. I have no one to talk with not to mention it is a little embarrassing.
Wanting sobriety, a healthy lifestyle and the man that you love doesn't support or understand me. These are very lonely problems to have. I feel like I am going to have to take drastic measures and leave for good this time. He chases me down every time I leave, follows me where ever I go. It's kinda scary. But, I am not going to live my life with a person who doesn't have my best interest at heart and who doesn't support me and my wishes. I wonder if my marriage will last anyway if we were sober... Alcohol is the glue that keeps us together.
This is just the beginning of my battle I realize. I don't want these problems any more. I want a nice peaceful life for the second part of my life :-) Please pray for strength for me. I need it. Thank you in advance for your advice comments and otherwise.
I am new to this site and I am looking for support to quit drinking. I have asked my husband several times to help me to quit drinking and he simply is no help. He encourages it! He goes to the liquor store and buys me wine when he purchases beer when he knows that I want a sober life. I've have come to the conclusion that he just doesn't want me to quit drinking. He is a daily drinker and functions just fine. I on the other hand don't function well the following day when I drink. I feel terrible and start drinking again just to feel better. See the cycle repeats itself again and again.
We are newly married and have been together for almost 4 years. Drinking too much, too fast, too often has caused problems for me since I started drinking when I was 19 years old. I am now 47 and have counted so many let downs, problems, failed attempts at numerous things that I have set out to do not to mention all of the people that I have hurt. And finally, I'm strong enough to admit it! I am wanting to do something about my problem . I've always know that drinking is a HUGE problem for me and I've realized that I will most likely not succeed at any attempts of a job promotion, being healthy and simply being the best overall person that I can be.
I quit drinking once for 6 weeks to do a weight loss challenge and the experience was wonderful. I lost weight! And I looked and felt great! I wanted to continue this journey and I still want to continue this journey. It has been two years since the challenge and I have fallen back into my same old routine. Going out and drinking and partying at least 3 days a week. I'm not liking myself too much any more because I am not the person that I want to be and that I know that I can be.
I hate to admit it but I've also noticed that I really don't like my husband very much when we aren't drinking and I really can't stand to be around him either. I don't like his topics of conversation. I do not find him attractive when I am not drinking. He is very handsome man but the booze makes him ugly to me. When I am sober, I see things completely different. Everything is so much clearer. I like clarity.
I'm tired of the roller coaster ride and want a happy sober lifestyle. This isn't too much to ask is it? My husband doesn't want this. I went looking for apartments yesterday again. I've moved out before a few times but my love for him brings me back. I get so confused, mad and frustrated. I have no one to talk with not to mention it is a little embarrassing.
Wanting sobriety, a healthy lifestyle and the man that you love doesn't support or understand me. These are very lonely problems to have. I feel like I am going to have to take drastic measures and leave for good this time. He chases me down every time I leave, follows me where ever I go. It's kinda scary. But, I am not going to live my life with a person who doesn't have my best interest at heart and who doesn't support me and my wishes. I wonder if my marriage will last anyway if we were sober... Alcohol is the glue that keeps us together.
This is just the beginning of my battle I realize. I don't want these problems any more. I want a nice peaceful life for the second part of my life :-) Please pray for strength for me. I need it. Thank you in advance for your advice comments and otherwise.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Kampala, Uganda
Posts: 327
Welcome, ShellBell.
It seems that you are in quite a bind and I really feel for you. Have you and your husband thought about counseling? You say you love him so surely there may still be something to salvage? I'm not saying you should definitely stay with him, I'm just trying to get a better picture of your situation. Did the two of you meet in a drinking environment and just kept all your socializing in that same environment? Don't you do non-alcohol related things together?
Good for you for making the decision to get sober. So many resources here.
It seems that you are in quite a bind and I really feel for you. Have you and your husband thought about counseling? You say you love him so surely there may still be something to salvage? I'm not saying you should definitely stay with him, I'm just trying to get a better picture of your situation. Did the two of you meet in a drinking environment and just kept all your socializing in that same environment? Don't you do non-alcohol related things together?
Good for you for making the decision to get sober. So many resources here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
welcome. Glad you found us.
Can't comment on the marital issues, but I'm pretty sure that sober and in recovery you'll be much better placed to find ways either to work on your relationship or have a fresh start alone - whichever ends up being your choice. Drunk or in very early recovery tend not to be the best times to make life-altering decisions.
Have you considered AA as a local support network. There tend to be meetings in most areas, and it's likely you would find women only ones if you preferred. It's only a google search away, and no need to register or phone ahead, you can just turn up to any meeting.
Anyway. Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. Keep reading and posting.
BB
Can't comment on the marital issues, but I'm pretty sure that sober and in recovery you'll be much better placed to find ways either to work on your relationship or have a fresh start alone - whichever ends up being your choice. Drunk or in very early recovery tend not to be the best times to make life-altering decisions.
Have you considered AA as a local support network. There tend to be meetings in most areas, and it's likely you would find women only ones if you preferred. It's only a google search away, and no need to register or phone ahead, you can just turn up to any meeting.
Anyway. Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. Keep reading and posting.
BB
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Welcome.
You are not alone. My situation is very similar to yours.....I am a bit older but was on the same merry go round. It doesn't get better until you stop. My SO also drinks heavily, buys me wine and looks at me forlornly when I don't drink. I have banned alcohol from the house. He has accepted this. He drinks at the bar now (we always drank at home together). I have no idea where this will end for us......but I know I am too new to sobriety and feeling too anxious and raw to make any major decisions. Having said that if he refused to stop drinking at home I think I would have considered leaving.
I wish you strength and courage. Get some sober time and things may be clearer?
Best wishes.
You are not alone. My situation is very similar to yours.....I am a bit older but was on the same merry go round. It doesn't get better until you stop. My SO also drinks heavily, buys me wine and looks at me forlornly when I don't drink. I have banned alcohol from the house. He has accepted this. He drinks at the bar now (we always drank at home together). I have no idea where this will end for us......but I know I am too new to sobriety and feeling too anxious and raw to make any major decisions. Having said that if he refused to stop drinking at home I think I would have considered leaving.
I wish you strength and courage. Get some sober time and things may be clearer?
Best wishes.
Learning to Live
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: CA
Posts: 203
Welcome to SR 
Would it help if you sat him down and told him very seriously that you want to quit drinking? To stop bringing wine into the house? You can't make him stop drinking, but if he truly cares about you and your wishes he could at least stop pushing the drink in your face.
You're right in coming to this site. You will have a lot of support here. Hang in there.
Would it help if you sat him down and told him very seriously that you want to quit drinking? To stop bringing wine into the house? You can't make him stop drinking, but if he truly cares about you and your wishes he could at least stop pushing the drink in your face.
You're right in coming to this site. You will have a lot of support here. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
Posts: 605
Hey shellbell, welcome!! Its a tough situation, why does he want u to drink??!! Do u think he knows u've become less interested in him & perhaps getting u drunk helps him to control the situation a bit more? If he continues to drink at home it will b very hard for u to stop id imagine.
Would it make sny difference if u sat him down for a serious talk when he is sober?
Would it make sny difference if u sat him down for a serious talk when he is sober?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
