misscostalot

Here I go again....just finished work and trying to fight meeting friends in the pub for a drink. I have my unused gym kit in my bag and I'm making my way home in the opposite direction of the gym!
I hate myself for feeling so weak and lacking motivation!
Ok so I'm not drinking tonight but I feel so lonely and miserable. If I don't stay in the house I know I'll go out and get drunk. I hate feeling like this. It makes me think that my loneliness will force me to go back too drinking. :-(
I live alone too with no love life in sight.
Any advice on how to cope?
Thanks in advance.

loulou1981

Csn u not just get urself to the gym, once ur there & getting a swest on u will forget about drinking.
Get some goid food in u & a nice refreshing drink (no not booze)!!
If u stay in itll make ur mind wander, get to the gym!!!! C'mon!! Or if u rwally can't get out, could u do a workout at home?

Lava256

Hi misscostalot.

At least you're not drinking. Pat yourself on the back for that.

Regarding the loneliness, I would've thought that going to the gym might have helped with you being around other people and the workout would've lifted your spirit. Why did you decide to not go?

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. Loneliness sucks. Have you tried engaging in any activities outside work that you might like? Sports, book club, cooking classes, etc?

misscostalot

Unfortunately just can't face it. I'm not really fit anyway so it's extra tough! I actually don't enjoy the gym. ..i go because I have these great ideas about getting fit but always stop due to lack of motivation. I'm at home reading. Guess its better than drinking!

doggonecarl

I take it you've been drinking? So how has that been helping your love life? Not too good, I imagine.

Get sober. Be the person you want to be and the person somebody else would want to love.

misscostalot

I'm a binge drinker. The last drink I had was far too many at the weekend. My social life here consists if the pub and cafes. I've tried internet dating but no joy!

misscostalot

No-one really engages with each other at the gym. I didn't go as I just felt 'what's the point?'
I get myself motivated and then without reason, I talk myself out of it. I guess it's because previously when I have went for a long time I hadn't noticed a real change.
I should join other groups outside of work. I'll look at meet up again.
Thank you.

Georgie123

I was just about to post pretty much the same thing so I thought I'd just reply to yours. I too live in my own and can totally understand that lonely feeling, it's like a physical pain and like you I'd normally dull this by drinking. I too understand the lack of motivation to go to the gym or do those things that you 'know' will make you feel better. It's almost too hard to be optimistic. Sometimes I have found going to the gym or engaging in other such activities leaves me feeling lonelier afterwards as I feel so great but have no one to share my elation with...I just come back to an empty flat. At the moment I'm having an ongoing 'battle' to not drink. I'm coming in from work and getting into bed, watching movies, reading etc... I know it's not ideal but it's getting me through this difficult time and I'm not putting myself in danger of drinking. As soon as it starts to get dark, I feel relief as I know I'm nearly another day clean and sober. I know I can't go on like this and I will have to motivate myself to take action and 'do things'. It's painful, hard, boring, dull but it's what is getting me through at the moment. How about we make a deal....tomorrow we both do something active after work, yoga, run, gym etc...I'll feedback, share how we feel?

misscostalot

Hi!
Thanks so much for posting! Yes! That sounds like a great idea! It is so nice to know I am not alone in feeling this way. I totally know what you mean about feeling worse after going to the gym. ..you have no-one to share things with when you get home. In my case, I compare myself to people there and dwell on the fact that I'm not as fit as everyone else etc I hate feeling like this!
I look forward to hearing how you get on tomorrow. Good luck and take care!

Georgie123

Yes, I understand the comparison thing too....the thoughts that go on in my head!!!

You are not alone, really. We have to keep reminding ourselves why we're doing this...we want change, real change, no quick fixes and that doesn't come easy but by reading other people's posts, is so worth it.

misscostalot

I guess I'm wanting change sooner rather than later. It's so hard when you feel like you've got no reason to strive harder and . I guess I should come on here more often. I just don't feel confident at all and use alcohol to hide this at times. ..be the life and soul of the party. I wish I was that fit, sober girl that seems to have it all. . but I just never get there. Got to try I suppose.

Georgie123

Im like you, have low confidence and use drink to bolster my self esteem. I'm the one who urges others to have another drink, I'm the first up on the dance floor(even table), I'll act all sexy and provocative with guys, I'm the last one to leave a party BUT it's all a facade, it isn't the REAL me. Apart from feeling like death the next day, full of guilt and shame, the worst thing is that I haven't been ME, the authentic me. I've drunk socially( and more recently in my home, on my own)for so long that I don't know who the hell I am without booze. The connections I've made when drunk are all false and based on someone they think I am. They have no solid foundations. Like someone said in one of the posts above, how are we expected to meet someone great, if we don't love or like ourselves? That fit, sober girl no doubt has struggles that we know nothing about, we all imagine people to have better lives than ours but it's rarely the case. Get your gym bag packed for tomorrow and force yourself to go...When I'm feeling motivated, I've been doing the odd work out at home, hiit type exercises, I couldn't move the next today, so must have worked my muscles. I then lit an incense stick and did a bit of mediation. It was amazing...You could give it s go...I just HAVE to force myself to do it everyday...it's the only way to crack this cycle I think.

DontRemember

Around here(US) I just signed up for a 6wk "training program".. It's 5days/wk and a two hour session. From the before/after photos I saw, I couldn't resist. I'm far from 'out of shape' but, this is really something I enjoy doing daily. It's class structure,so interaction with the group comes..Some hot women in there too i might add(not the reason I joined). Maybe see if your area has something similar.

misscostalot

Glad you are enjoying it! Good for you!
I can barely manage an hour 3 times a week so that would not be for me! Thanks though!

misscostalot

That is exactly like me! Friendships based on alcohol! Luckily I go have close friends too but they are all in couples. It can get a bit depressing.
Do you exercise every day? Have you found it helps?
I've been meaning to try meditation. I've seen that there are a few guided meditations on you tube. . Do you use these at all?
I've signed up for a yoga class on Saturday as I know I'll be tempted to lie in bed all morning. It gives me something to focus on.
You have a point that everyone has their troubles. . .I suffer from depression but hide it rather well. Hence the alcohol. . Makes me forget the loneliness and lack of confidence for a while. As we both know though, it's a vicious circle. Just need to be patient I suppose.
I do wonder how people manage without alcohol. . .sad I know!!

Maudcat

Hi, miss.
I am so over the gym, it's not funny.
Too many years of going because it's good for me.
It is, but that doesn't make it less boring.
But, I like to swim laps.
Swimming puts me in a zen state, seriously.
And I have recently started a gentle yoga class.
I have decided yhat, yes, I need to exercise, but I'm going to do the things I Like, not the things I should.
If I could find a circus exercise class, I would join it.
What do you like to do?
Find something that gives you joy, and do it.
How about volunteering? Working with animals? Walking shelter dogs?
Dunno if they have that kind of stuff where you are.
Just my thoughts.
Good luck.

Bunny211

Do you attend AA meetings? That was the only way I could do it. Attending a meeting every day in any spare moment I had so that I would not drink. That was what I did early on. I'm still sober.

Maudcat

Hmmm.
Managing without alcohol.
Hour by hour at first. Then day by day, and so on.
I found that after withdrawal symptoms passed, I just felt so much better.
I could do more, go out at night once in a while, without worrying that I would fall because I was drunk.
I had stomach issues when I was drinking that resolved within a month of quitting.
For me, acceptance was key.
Finally, truly accepting that I just couldn't drink like other people.
So best not to drink at all.
My husband started liking me again after I stopped.
Now, I'm 65, likely a bit older than you, and my social life didn't include pubs or restos much, so I didn't experience the drinking friends phenom, but there are many on this site who have.
They will tell you that sobriety is much, much more than just not drinking.
It's changing up how you see things, do things, how you live your life.
But it doesn't happen overnight.
Go to the yoga class on Saturday. My yoga class has women of all shapes and sizes.
Peace and good thoughts.

misscostalot

Good advice!
I'm glad you are doing exercise that you like. ...i should do the same. I don't live in my home country but I know they do have some voluntary activities here. I'd love to help with animals! I will contact the shelter and see what they suggest. Thanks for your suggestions.

misscostalot

I dont. ..i think it's probably a good idea to stay on Track.