So I went to AA. I didn't have fun.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Andagain 
Hello soberfriends.
I know a whole bunch of you swear by AA and I'm not meaning to insult you at all. I'm talking specifically about the meeting I went to.
It was awful, quite frankly.
It was angry and unwelcoming and honestly miserable. Perhaps I arrived on a particularly bad day I don't know. A few people argued. Who knows.
I think I will give another one a go somewhere else and see how that goes but man, that is not what I expected.
I know a whole bunch of you swear by AA and I'm not meaning to insult you at all. I'm talking specifically about the meeting I went to.
It was awful, quite frankly.
It was angry and unwelcoming and honestly miserable. Perhaps I arrived on a particularly bad day I don't know. A few people argued. Who knows.
I think I will give another one a go somewhere else and see how that goes but man, that is not what I expected.
In my own experience there have been lots of AA experiences that weren't "FUN". But very few (once I opened myself to the lessons I could take from any meeting) that weren't of value.
I'd give it a shot or three more, with an open mind and a willingness to receive what you can from each experience. Grab a Big Book, too.
I'm by no means an AA zealot. But I believe it's a really great tool to have in your sobriety toolkit.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Originally Posted by Andagain
It was awful, quite frankly...
It was angry and unwelcoming and honestly miserable. Perhaps I arrived on a particularly bad day I don't know. A few people argued. Who knows.
It was angry and unwelcoming and honestly miserable. Perhaps I arrived on a particularly bad day I don't know. A few people argued. Who knows.
With a lot of experiences, my initial perceptions may be slightly skewed and I find that they change with increased exposure.
I have never been a "once and done" type of guy; but that can be a double edged sword.
It kept me drinking for quite a few years, but it also kept me coming back to attempt sobriety.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 216
I will tell you that it takes time to find the right meeting(s). This is what turned me off to AA in the beginning. One of my first AA meetings was with men who had just gotten out of prison and had started drinking/drugs at age 9, foster care and abused. At the time, I couldn't relate to them at all being a female from an upper middle class family who had a pretty amazing childhood and started drinking in my sorority at college.
I needed someone from a similar background and socioeconomic class to identify with...which sounds shallow, but that's what I needed. I also needed a community of people my age and beginners as well. So, I started going to YP (Young People) and B (Beginners) meetings. The community of young people in this city is very strong and I am grateful for it. Now that I have been going to meetings for a month, I would gladly go back to that ex-convict meeting and sit in because I know we all have the same alcoholic brains. If my drinking continued, I could have hit someone and be sitting in a prison cell just like them.
In terms of a meeting where people are angry and shouting, I probably would be turned off by this type of vibe. I like to hear stories about other people having trouble but also the positive aspects of how the program is helping them. I once was in a meeting where a woman had a meltdown (this was 2 years ago) and had to be almost carried out of the meeting. It stressed me out so much that I ended up drinking after that meeting LOL. (It honestly didn't bother me THAT much, but I used the "stress" of the meeting to tell myself I deserved a bottle of wine for sitting through it) I wasn't really ready to quit for good back then, but I was struggling. I think if the same thing happened now, when I was ready to quit - I'd think "this is what this disease does and she's having a tough time"... and be less judgmental.
I needed someone from a similar background and socioeconomic class to identify with...which sounds shallow, but that's what I needed. I also needed a community of people my age and beginners as well. So, I started going to YP (Young People) and B (Beginners) meetings. The community of young people in this city is very strong and I am grateful for it. Now that I have been going to meetings for a month, I would gladly go back to that ex-convict meeting and sit in because I know we all have the same alcoholic brains. If my drinking continued, I could have hit someone and be sitting in a prison cell just like them.
In terms of a meeting where people are angry and shouting, I probably would be turned off by this type of vibe. I like to hear stories about other people having trouble but also the positive aspects of how the program is helping them. I once was in a meeting where a woman had a meltdown (this was 2 years ago) and had to be almost carried out of the meeting. It stressed me out so much that I ended up drinking after that meeting LOL. (It honestly didn't bother me THAT much, but I used the "stress" of the meeting to tell myself I deserved a bottle of wine for sitting through it) I wasn't really ready to quit for good back then, but I was struggling. I think if the same thing happened now, when I was ready to quit - I'd think "this is what this disease does and she's having a tough time"... and be less judgmental.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,271
Originally Posted by Andagain
Hello soberfriends.
I know a whole bunch of you swear by AA and I'm not meaning to insult you at all. I'm talking specifically about the meeting I went to.
It was awful, quite frankly.
It was angry and unwelcoming and honestly miserable. Perhaps I arrived on a particularly bad day I don't know. A few people argued. Who knows.
I think I will give another one a go somewhere else and see how that goes but man, that is not what I expected.
I know a whole bunch of you swear by AA and I'm not meaning to insult you at all. I'm talking specifically about the meeting I went to.
It was awful, quite frankly.
It was angry and unwelcoming and honestly miserable. Perhaps I arrived on a particularly bad day I don't know. A few people argued. Who knows.
I think I will give another one a go somewhere else and see how that goes but man, that is not what I expected.
That being said, they should not be angry, unwelcoming, and miserable.
Sounds to me like you just found a bad meeting. Some are better than others.
Try to find one where people are happy, joyous and free instead of restless, irritable, and discontented.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,977
ive been to >6K meetings
ive seen ...
fights
chairs thrown
angry yelling
dt's delirium tremens
drug sales/ use
arrests
basket money theft
disrespect
hate
this is <1% of the time
the problem is aa meetings are full of recovering drunks like me !
and
>99% of the meetings ive seen/ experienced ...
love
tolerance
respect
patience
fellowship
sobriety
ive seen ...
fights
chairs thrown
angry yelling
dt's delirium tremens
drug sales/ use
arrests
basket money theft
disrespect
hate
this is <1% of the time
the problem is aa meetings are full of recovering drunks like me !
and
>99% of the meetings ive seen/ experienced ...
love
tolerance
respect
patience
fellowship
sobriety
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,643
A good perspective- go some where else. AA is a voluntary place made up of people struggling to recover and keep sobriety. If I get bad service from a movie place with the pop corn, I would not stop watching star wars movies.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 177
Hey everyone, thank you all for your kind and thoughtful replies.
I know what you mean, AA meeting aren't supposed to be fun, just some of my dry humor, it doesn't necessarily come across in writing =)
I thought I probably just was a little unlucky based on everything I've heard, like people say, it's just other humans, sometimes things can get messy.
Anyhow I'm heading off to my second meeting this afternoon, I'll let you know how things go sober friends. =D
I know what you mean, AA meeting aren't supposed to be fun, just some of my dry humor, it doesn't necessarily come across in writing =)
I thought I probably just was a little unlucky based on everything I've heard, like people say, it's just other humans, sometimes things can get messy.
Anyhow I'm heading off to my second meeting this afternoon, I'll let you know how things go sober friends. =D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hope this one is a little more serene and helful. Looking forward to your update later.
I was thinking actally. I've been to some fantastic AA meetings lately, but on Monday I went to one that left me a bit rattled. Not AA, but OA - still 12-steps though so same difference. On reflection most of the people there were calm and had lots of experience and strength to share, but one person (the loudest and most vocal) was obviously having a bad time. She couldnt understand why the program had 'stopped working' for her. There were lots of ideas she could have chosen as suggestions for getting into a better place. but her final words (to me at the end of the meeting) were 'I don't need to do that stuff. I'm not a wierdo.' I came away thinking it had been a really unhelpful meeting, but actually you know what. Since Monday I've been careful to stick to being a weirdo and working my program. If what she 'has' at the momet is not being a weirdo,she can keep it. And I'm not judging that person - I think we can all get in a funk at times if we start trying to take back the reins and make up our own ego-centric program rather than sticking to handing it over to that HP and continuing to work that program.
So anyway, maybe that meeting was more helpful to me than I realised. I can easily start letting little everyday recovery routines slip. Spend less time on prayer and meditation because the car needs moving or I need to tidy before someone arrives, or check my e-mails. Or skip my evening inventory because I am tired or distracted by something. And although these are small things, they are the bread and butter of my recovery program. I need to work it if I want it to work for me. I suppose sometimes I learn by positive examples: copying people who DO have what I want. Monkey see, monkey do. Other times I can choose to learn from negative examples: avoiding the potholes we see tripping others up. Lighthouses steer people to safety by flagging up the dangers ahead. I suppose we can take something positive from pretty much anything if we choose to. And that self-will run riot that I witnessed causing that poor person emotional pain certainly acted as a lighthouse to me.
Sorry for the waffle. lol.
BB
I was thinking actally. I've been to some fantastic AA meetings lately, but on Monday I went to one that left me a bit rattled. Not AA, but OA - still 12-steps though so same difference. On reflection most of the people there were calm and had lots of experience and strength to share, but one person (the loudest and most vocal) was obviously having a bad time. She couldnt understand why the program had 'stopped working' for her. There were lots of ideas she could have chosen as suggestions for getting into a better place. but her final words (to me at the end of the meeting) were 'I don't need to do that stuff. I'm not a wierdo.' I came away thinking it had been a really unhelpful meeting, but actually you know what. Since Monday I've been careful to stick to being a weirdo and working my program. If what she 'has' at the momet is not being a weirdo,she can keep it. And I'm not judging that person - I think we can all get in a funk at times if we start trying to take back the reins and make up our own ego-centric program rather than sticking to handing it over to that HP and continuing to work that program.
So anyway, maybe that meeting was more helpful to me than I realised. I can easily start letting little everyday recovery routines slip. Spend less time on prayer and meditation because the car needs moving or I need to tidy before someone arrives, or check my e-mails. Or skip my evening inventory because I am tired or distracted by something. And although these are small things, they are the bread and butter of my recovery program. I need to work it if I want it to work for me. I suppose sometimes I learn by positive examples: copying people who DO have what I want. Monkey see, monkey do. Other times I can choose to learn from negative examples: avoiding the potholes we see tripping others up. Lighthouses steer people to safety by flagging up the dangers ahead. I suppose we can take something positive from pretty much anything if we choose to. And that self-will run riot that I witnessed causing that poor person emotional pain certainly acted as a lighthouse to me.
Sorry for the waffle. lol.
BB
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 24
Quitting drinking is a life or death matter for a lot of alcoholics. Many, by the time they enter one of the rooms, have lost everything they might have had going for them. They might have just found out their spouse left or they were losing their home. They might have just been diagnosed with alcohol related health problems. They might be court ordered to be there. Don't expect every meeting to be sunshine and ponies.
My favorite meetings have some humor and levity, but that comes with people getting to know eachother in the rooms. That can't happen if people leave because it wasn't a fun night.
My favorite meetings have some humor and levity, but that comes with people getting to know eachother in the rooms. That can't happen if people leave because it wasn't a fun night.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
maybe it was the monthly business meeting??? LOL
sorry, but let's remember the attendees......granted AA meetings should have a semblance of order and the chair should keep things on track but i bet even Mensa meetings get a little testy sometimes.
try again. try a different day of the week. a different time of day. a different location. try at least six meetings in your area. there are worse things you could be doing with your time.
sorry, but let's remember the attendees......granted AA meetings should have a semblance of order and the chair should keep things on track but i bet even Mensa meetings get a little testy sometimes.
try again. try a different day of the week. a different time of day. a different location. try at least six meetings in your area. there are worse things you could be doing with your time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: preston
Posts: 197
Years ago I went to several different AA meetings, some a lot better than others, but for some reason AA didn't feel like the right fit for me.
Anyway I went to my first SMART meeting on Tues, n the strategies clicked with me right away, so i'm sticking with SMART now.
I hope your second meeting was better x
Anyway I went to my first SMART meeting on Tues, n the strategies clicked with me right away, so i'm sticking with SMART now.
I hope your second meeting was better x
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Andagain
Hey everyone, thank you all for your kind and thoughtful replies.
I know what you mean, AA meeting aren't supposed to be fun, just some of my dry humor, it doesn't necessarily come across in writing =)
I thought I probably just was a little unlucky based on everything I've heard, like people say, it's just other humans, sometimes things can get messy.
Anyhow I'm heading off to my second meeting this afternoon, I'll let you know how things go sober friends. =D
I know what you mean, AA meeting aren't supposed to be fun, just some of my dry humor, it doesn't necessarily come across in writing =)
I thought I probably just was a little unlucky based on everything I've heard, like people say, it's just other humans, sometimes things can get messy.
Anyhow I'm heading off to my second meeting this afternoon, I'll let you know how things go sober friends. =D
unlucky? imo, nnnaaaaaa. actually it could have been exactly what you were supposed to experience. a lesson on the road of recovery many( including myself) dont get to receive for some time.
hope this meeting is a wee bit better for ya.
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