Day 19 but feel like bacl at week 1
 

Well this is a strange turn of events. Yesterday husband went and got his usual beer from the fridge, same as he has every night,( I havent asked him to give it up). Beer wasn't my drink anyway, so not something I though to drink unless I was blackout drunk and nothing else available, so haven't worried about it. But for some reason, oooooh I wanted that beer, I didn't, but then the thoughts started coming that maybe I cant do this afterall. Feeling really fed up and honestly I feel like I'm back to how I felt at the start and that I'm scared I will relapse again. All the confidence I felt has left, and that's terrifying me that I'm in a prime position to relapse. I know its just the AV rearing its ugly head. I know it, I can see it for what it is. But after feeling so great, its sucks to feel almost back to the start again. All the urge surfing in the world wasn't helping last night, so I ended up going to bed instead. Frustating!

Glad you stayed the course and are still with us.
I'm only on day 10, but remember the last time i did this, i would be able to go weeks without a problem, then suddenly get hit full force with cravings from nowhere.
I think it takes time, but does get better.
19 days is really great, but you need to be patient with yourself.
Well done for defeating the devil last night.

Give it time. You are almost 3 weeks in and I think for me that is when my cravings started getting bad and came out of nowhere. I was going to my mailbox and my neighbor (who was supposed to also quit drinking) had a cooler in his back yard and was drinking beer. All of the sudden I started salivating about how good that beer would taste, and I didn't even drink beer!
You are very strong to resist having alcohol in the house. Keep it up. It does get better. I am 6 months in and rarely have those visceral cravings anymore. If I do, they are brief and dissolve in a matter of minutes.

Well done for not drinking, could you ask your husband not to have booze in the house at this early stage as its temptation, good luck

Hi noturnignback :)

I think a lot of people think if they ever want a drink again their whole recovery is worthless..nut to me thats just the AV squawking.

The quality of recovery doesn't lie in the thoughts we have - it lies in what we do with them.

Sounds like you did pretty good...but if you think you need to revise your recovery plan - whether in finding more support, or exerting more effort - thats never a bad idea :)

D

Well... it is part of the "process" isn't it?

So early in your recovery... normal to feel frustrated.
Good you noticed.... Went to bed.

I am sure you will feel wonderful (or at least better) this morning when you awake... SOBER.

thanks guys. yes woke up utterly glad I went to bed when I did, even if I was in a bad bad mood last night! Feeling its unfair etc. I wont ask my husband not to drink because my problem is not his. People around me are going to drink and always will, if I cant get used to that and refuse, I'm going to be stuck indoors on my own a very long time. Life has to go on.

HIs beer in the fridge is something I can deal with, it just made me feel how I remember at the beginning .....vulnerable. If that was wine, would I have managed to resist it...the fact that I asked myself that over and over and again this morning, had me scared, because I don't know. But I'm new to doing recovery properly, and perhaps this is entirely normal to have times when you feel more weak than others and then you learn skills to overcome those times. I guess made me feel I was failing, but thoughts are not failure, I did not give in. I recognised the AV, I today feel a little stronger, but still a bit shaken. This takes time and patience, I need to remind myself of that.

^ absolutely - some days it's all we can do to collapse into bed sober - it needn;t necessarily be graceful :)

D