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it's just a shame

Old 08-06-2017, 02:33 PM
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it's just a shame

Dropped by my local liquor story today. A ton of people there. Everybody was so friendly, talking to each other about different stuff. Reminded my of all the years I spent going to meetings and never ended up with type of situation. I'll never understand why people can break out in spontaneous conversations in different situations, but it's like pulling teeth at an AA meeting. John
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Old 08-06-2017, 04:58 PM
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I know this is not a real exciting thread to start, but to get nothing back is a real bummer. Maybe because I've been a member of SR for a while now, people are just used to me so they move on. But I've seen people start threads here that have been members longer than me and they get responses. Well, I'm a spiritual person and believe everything that happens is for a reason. Maybe this silence is something to learn from. There's a point to it. Just gotta figure out what it is. I think good comes out of everything. Just gotta find it. John
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Old 08-06-2017, 05:14 PM
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I have never been to an AA meeting, so I cannot comment about it.
I do not drop by the liquor store anymore, why would you want to? Are you drinking? I avoid liquor stores like the plague.
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Old 08-06-2017, 05:26 PM
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Hey John, I'm curious as to the stopping by the liquor store too. Hopefully you are not drinking. As far as spontaneous conversations, I've come to learn that people are an interesting species. So many different colors, shapes, sizes and flavors. Some are natural social butterflies, others are more introverted and keep to themselves. Of course both types can be affected by addiction. I think the important think is that you made an observation and its something you can maybe learn from.

Side note, I'm in the midwest of the US, and today at my open house I met a couple from Beijing China. They were nice enough to stay talk with me for awhile. They told me about life in China and in the city of Beijing. I believe there is always something to be learned from others. Take care John, and I wouldn't take it personally about a lack of response. Sunday evening, might be pretty quiet around here.
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Old 08-06-2017, 05:52 PM
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Hey John - this is the first time I've seen your thread.

Keep in mind in many places in the world it's a Sunday.

I really don't think 3-4 responses is bad for a thread 3-4 hours old on a weekend - that's about average.

I don't think it reflects popularity or anything else.

if you want help or support maybe you could be a little more direct?

your original post read a little like an observation to me rather than something you wanted responses on.

People never used to hang around at my liquor store - get in, buy the booze, get out.

If you want to start conversations with people asking them about themselves is a good way to start

D
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Old 08-06-2017, 05:54 PM
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Originally Posted by HTown View Post
I have never been to an AA meeting, so I cannot comment about it.
I do not drop by the liquor store anymore, why would you want to? Are you drinking? I avoid liquor stores like the plague.
I drop by liquor stores because sometimes I get lucky and it gives me somebody to talk to. Sometimes there's nobody there but the people working there. But they know me and we talk. Makes me feel like I count. One person working at a liquor stored shared her story about her life and how hard it's been. She thanked me for listening to her. People go to bars for the same thing. Today, a lady talked about the problems she is having with her high blood pressure. It's not all one sided. I learn a lot from these people.
I don't go to liquor stores to listen to other people's pain. Sometimes, it's more upbeat and positive. But then I get to go home, drink and forget about these experiences although I appreciate them. Same habit I had when I worked with troubled kids. I would hear and feel their pain and do what I could to help then go home and drink to feel better. Then get up the next day and do the same thing. Drinking fills me up when I feel empty.
Even today, people seem willing to tell me their problems. Been that way since I was a kid. Don't know why, just is. But it takes a toll on me that will eventually kill me. Would love to get out of this cycle, but I can seriously see me on my death bed and someone telling me how lousy their live is and me wanting to help. Pretty sick on both sides. John
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Old 08-06-2017, 06:05 PM
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Just want to add that I wish I could of walked away from some of these situations, did what I could and be ok with that. That would of been the healthier thing to do and most good people could do that. They are probably not the drunk that I am. They did what they could do then moved on and took care of themselves. Wish I could of done that. John
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Old 08-06-2017, 06:21 PM
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I think they;re are better places to find people to talk to than liquor stores

Libraries, museums, art galleries, churches, sporting events...the list is only limited by your imagination John

D
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Old 08-06-2017, 06:47 PM
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I was a bit like you, John. Everyone seemed to call me with their problems. I'd drop everything, listen, help if I could. I should've been addressing my own problems. What I was really doing was running from my own life.

I gave so much of myself away there was nothing left for me. A very hard lesson, I learned.

Maybe use some of your compassion for other people on yourself. You deserve happiness, fill up that empty space with something besides alcohol. I never found a solution or inner peace at the bottom of my glass.

You can change your life. No, it's not easy, but neither is existing and labeling yourself a drunk. You're so much more than that!
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Old 08-06-2017, 06:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hey John - this is the first time I've seen your thread.

Keep in mind in many places in the world it's a Sunday.

I really don't think 3-4 responses is bad for a thread 3-4 hours old on a weekend - that's about average.

I don't think it reflects popularity or anything else.

if you want help or support maybe you could be a little more direct?

your original post read a little like an observation to me rather than something you wanted responses on.

People never used to hang around at my liquor store - get in, buy the booze, get out.

If you want to start conversations with people asking them about themselves is a good way to start

D
I understand what your say Dee for the most part. But I have a few differences in what you said. First, when there is a lot of people at a liquor store, at least today they talk and that was real nice. They are all standing in line with nothing much to do, so sometimes they talk. That's what happened today and it was nice.
Second, I'm not trying to be popular. Being popular means standing out and that's the last thing I wanted. Even as a kid, I never wanted anybody to pay attention to me. I always sat in back of the class so nobody would notice me.
Thirdly, I always ask people about themselves which meant them talking about themselves forever. Of course they liked that and said what a good listener I was. Most of the time, that conversation stayed that way and never got back to me. Unfortunately due to my lack of social skills, I had a hard time turning the conversation back to me and when I did they lost interest cause they were apparently not interested in my life.
The bottom line Dee is that I was used and abused and I allowed that to happen and I have only myself to blame for this. People are always looking for someone to listen to them and help them with their problems. Can't blame them for that. I allowed myself to let this happen.
Now that I'm older and alone, I don't take great joy in knowing all the people I helped though I don't regret it. That's what I was born to do. I was hoping that human nature would mean there's a balance to things, but I'm finding out now that's just not the way it is. All the people I worked with that were on survival mode I now find myself doing the same thing, But's that's ok. I am surprised I'm still alive. John
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Old 08-06-2017, 06:58 PM
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My thoughts about hanging out at the liquor store is that you'll encounter drinkers there - maybe even problem drinkers - I could see that being a problem.

If you were there to buy liquor you're already waist deep in a problem anyway.

As for popularity - you were observing the fact that people weren't responding to you in the numbers you see other members getting, and I simply suggested reasons for that that had nothing to do with popularity.

If you allowed yourself to be used and abused thats sad - but it would be even sadder if those events in the past kept you from making friends today.

You are entitled to happiness joy and a few friends the same as anyone else John. Maybe it's time to drop the baggage of the past?

D
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Old 08-06-2017, 07:30 PM
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John, i was a closeted drunk, and very afraid " people" would find out. I was ashamed, big time.
so when i went to the liquor store and had to stand in line, you bet i chatted with others. first, be cause my problem had been solved for the day since i was going to be drinking and therefore i was goingto be okay for the night, and secondly, because it was very important to seem " normal" when buying booze. so nobody would suspect. same reason i always varied where i bought the stuff. fear.
anyway, just sharing. i was pretty much always non- chalant and friendly when in te liquor store.
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Old 08-06-2017, 07:50 PM
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I think that you are missing a pretty important point John. You say you have issues going out and meeting people in public, yet you just walked right into a liquor store and broke out in conversation with just about anyone. Why not just do the same at a coffee shop, or a library?

I'm also a little confused...are you still drinking? You mention going home to drink. You know none of this mess is going to get any better until you stop, right? I'm a drunk too, just like you. So is pretty much everyone else here...but that doesn't mean we can't make changes for the better, even with all the bad things in our past
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Old 08-06-2017, 09:32 PM
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I still think you should adopt a dog. It will be company and devotion for you, a good home for the dog, and you'd be amazed at how many dog walkers want to talk to other dog walkers about dogs.

Get yourself a canine companion. It'll get you out of the house and give you back all your love unconditionally. It's a win-win.
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Old 08-06-2017, 10:48 PM
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There are about 4.5 million better places to strike up conversations than "the liquor store." I'm not buying that the original poster goes to a liquor store for the scintillating conversations. It sounds like the work of AV to me.
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