Hello! New to board
 

Hi, as you can see my name is Becky. My husband has been sober for 15 months. He is doing great and goes to AA regularly. He helps newly recovering alcoholics and is a great person. We have 2 children, ages 6 yrs and 7 months. He is active duty Air Force and loves it. We have been married for 10 years by the grace of God. Well, I think that is about it for cold, hard facts, lol.

Anyway, things have been going good. He is a much better person than he was before he even began drinking. For that I am thankful. I am a better person for all that I endured too. My only problem is that I still have problems dealing with his normal bad moods. They make me feel like something bad is going to happen all the time. Bad moods precipitated his drinking before quiting. I know I should be in an Al-Anon group but cannot find one that does not leave me crying or feeling like I have fallen into a bottomless pit of despair. I guess I am looking for advice as to how others have dealt with this predicament. I hope it is normal and someone can help me out. I feel lost and alone most of the time.

HI Becky - you are not alone sweetie. Have you ever read the book "Codependent No More" - if not, I would highly recommend it. People like us, who have been majorly impacted by an alcoholic develop unhealthy patterns of behavior. One of those patterns has to do with our mood/attitude being dependent on another persons mood or attitude, and/or what we fear the implication of their mood may be. "Healthy" people usually do not let the fact that someone else is in a bad mood or has had a bad day affect them. I have had to de-program this behavior and re-program myself. That is a very simplistic explanation, and the book is a fast read and I think you will be amazed when you read it. It changed my life. The best news is the things you learn in this book are things that you can begin working on immediately...and the rewards are enormous! Hang in there!

(((((Becky)))))

Welcome!!! I think it might be important to realize that his moods are his not yours. As co-dependents I think we just naturally want to fix what seems to be wrong. Is it possible he uses his moods to control you some how? Step back from his mood and let him wrestle with it don't let his mood be your problem. If he is trying to control you with his mood if he sees you not responding that could change things.... No matter what if you stand back from his mood and let him own it I think you will find yourself being more at peace.....

I hope to see you post more I would be interested in knowing why an alanon meeting brings you to tears......(((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))) for you.

Thank you both so much! I will get the book you resommended. It is amazing that it took me so long to realize that I was not as okay as I thought.

Well, Splendra, the few meetings I went to I felt akward. Listening to the conversations, these people married one alcoholic after another. I felt like that was all my life was going to be. I love my husband dearly and knew we would be together but you never know what the future will throw at you.

My husband has told me on several occasions to let his moods be his and it is not my fault. I don't know why I didn't listen. I am so stuck in my ways I guess. My father is a recovering alcoholic too. He always blamed his bad moods on us. I have a lot of work to do in realizing that I don't control the world. :doh:

But again thank you so much. It fells good to just get it out to people who understand.

((((((Hugs))))))))))))

Welcome Becky!

You'll find a great deal of support in our Friends and Family forum as well. We're glad your here!

Thank you, Chy. I will head over there and try to make myself at home.