Fearful Frightened as my future in tatters AGAIN
 

I do not know quite how this goes,but anyway here I am a smelly drunk,my beautiful home trashed,My love wants to leave,Cuts bashes bruises after my latest drink guzzling uncontrolled fest. I want a drink so badly and it's driving me nuts. Can I stop this, I am so desperate. I missed my Fiances sons wedding a very special day I had been looking forward to for months. Fancy,dress, hat everything If I do not get past this quite honestly I'd rather not be around. I have struggled for so long some good stretches of life in recovery kick it all over, my agony when I go out,the looks,the sniggering, alright lush, good party comments. It's endless my nerves are shredded my heart is sick. I need help and lots of it.

Welcome, can you get to an AA meeting or a doctors for help, we have all been there and felt this way at some point, you are not alone, you will get lots of support here, good luck

Many thanks for your reply, I will do my best to get to a meeting Asap. I will try and see my Gp. I am so ashamed and fearful to go out.

Hi SM,

As Mummy mentioned, we have all been in your shoes. Whether you go to AA or choose another form of recovery, it's important that you see a doctor prior to beginning detox as it can be dangerous. If you really want to change your life once and for all, you will need to do more than "TRY", you must "DO"!

Wishing you well in your journey.

Thank you and yes this has to be it. No more cowering around. I am very shaky,have jelly legs and sick today but will get to a meeting tomorrow. Once again Thank you

Hey I have felt like that, I promise you one thing, stay off drink and your life gets better, you can deal with problems etc so much better, good luck

My exact thoughts.
I have crawled back into AA several times and each time it has helped me to get back on sober track. I understand the despair. I thought all was lost but, it was only on hold until I made a Firm decision to never drink again.

We need to face the facts -- it Never works for the true drunk. I'm one of those but, leading a good sober life today.

Best wishes,
Bob

Good for you. You will be so thankful that you made this change!

There were so many important events that I missed while I was drinking. The last one was an annual outing that we had every year for our company. I'd planned for months and when the morning came, I was too hungover to attend. It was just horrible and I couldn't forgive myself. Say nothing about having to answer to everyone who expected that I would be there. It's just not worth going through life, missing out because we decided to pour poison into our bodies.

You need help..then get it. Support and empathy to you. See a doc about detox. Go to lots of meetings. Make a sobriety your top priority. Get a counsellor. Make a commitment. It may seem as if your world has come crashing down around you. It has not. I can get so much very worse. You have an awareness- get some help. Post here.

Not trying to be mean as I can so relate to your post which is why my response will be the way it is because it comes from my own experience having been exactly where you are.

Going to a meeting today will give the meeting it's best chance at having it's greatest impact on you.

I was forever and a day going to do things tomorrow when I got my legs back underneath me and felt a little more human once again.

The thing is, when tomorrow came around and I got my legs back underneath once again, they usually took me to the bar.

When tomorrow came around and I started to feel a little more human once again, well maybe I over exaggerated a bit. Things aren't as bad as I thought. I can handle this.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

yesterdays tomorrow is todays today.
tomorrow is always today.

SD, ya say this:
"I need help and lots of it."
but are putting it off til tomorrow.

if i got help when i needed help i would have gotten it 20 or so years before i got help.
it was when i WANTED help and became WILLING to get into action and go to ANY lengths to get it that i got the courage to get off my but and go get the help.

hope ya decided to get to a meeting TODAY. you wont be the 1st person thats showed up shakey.
and when your there,i suggest ya inquire about a big book and a meeting list.

the next meeting ya attend will be the most important.

Welcome to SR smellydrunk. There has already been a lot of good advice and support. My only contribution would be that you will need to take action. talking about getting sober doesn't get us sober. And action takes effort and effort is sometimes no fun. But I assure you its worth it. The shaky hands and jelly legs I'm all too familiar with, its horrible. You never have to go through this again. Wish you the best.

Thank you
 

I am so glad to ventured to this forum. The empathy and support very soothing to my calamitous feeling. And yes, off my bottom and find a meeting tonight. i do have a tendency for erring on the defeatist side surprise surprise that's never in my consciousness when I buy the booze
Etc etc etc. I will recover. Whether my life goes on as I loved it sober maybe....give myself a fighting chance. Thank you, I will stick close, will keep reading.

Brilliant well done, get your life back you deserve too

All the best to you SD, you are not alone.

Welcome to SR :)

It's entirely possible to change your life - if you're prepared for change and ready for action :)

You'll find a lot of support here :)

D

D

SD (perhaps think of a more positive name?) a good start. Keep posting.
Empathy and support to you. PJ

Yes a more positive moniker would be better but not sure how to do it. Will search around I will find the way. Anyway,been up since 6 after a surprisingly good sleep and started on the clean up. Meeting again tonight, I can do this for today. 1 day today.

You have to PM an administrator if you want to change your name - PM Anna, Morning Glory or greeteachday :)

D

Well done for getting to a meeting, and another tonight. Those meetings plus this forum were my lifelines.

Between meetings there are lots of recovery tapes (AA speaker recodings) that you can listen to or download online. I bought myself a cheap little mp3 player and put my favourites (Sandy Beach, Earl Highower, Charlie C, and Clancy to name a few) on that so I could listen privately whenever I felt the need of an AA top up.

This is the site I use to find them. If you go for the ones tagged newcomers or step 1 then you cant go far wrong. Also Joe and Charlie's Big Book studies are great to get a good idea of what the program entails.
https://www.recoveryaudio.org/

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB