Getting help

Old 08-04-2017, 10:34 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2017
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Getting help

Hello all. Not sure if this is the appropriate forum to ask following question so I apologize in advance if it is. My brother has been an alcoholic for 15-20yrs. I want him
To get help by going to in patient rehab. I convinced him to go but once he found out the cost of rehab he refused and didn't want to spend the money. ( He has Kaiser insurance and many facilities do not accept it and Kaiser only has outpatient where you have to pull an arm and leg to get in) He refuses to go rehab and says he can do it on his own. As you guessed it it hasn't happened. He drink 5 times/wk or sometimes everyday of the week. He is verbally abusive to everyone in the house and it's just chaotic. So my next plan was to get an interventionist involved and convince him to go. I found a rehab that provides their own interventionist (who has 90% success rate) to convince the addict to go to their rehab. I looked up the rehab online and have mixed reviews written. I am assuming they are written by people enrolled in the program. Should I trust those reviews? I am asking because I assume someone that is getting therapy will not be happy to be there and are writing bad reviews out of anger and frustrations. Second question: is getting an interventionist a good idea? Many say that an addict shouldn't be convinced to go to rehab and they have to be ready to make that decision. Has anyone been through this process? How was your experience? Would you recommend it? Can someone be convinced to go and recover?
I am really worried about him and very low on cash so if I am going to spend it I want to get some kid of reassurance that it's worth it. Thank you
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Old 08-04-2017, 10:48 AM
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Welcome to the site. It is devastating to watch a loved one throw their lives away to addiction, though there is nothing anyone can do to save an addict unless they truly want to get sober for themselves and to take the actions to make it happen.
There is no way to force someone into sobriety, and even if you were to get them into rehab, they almost assuredly would go right back to drinking the second they get out.
The best thing you can do is to walk away and leave them in your prayers that one day they will see the light and get help. There also are alanon meetings for support for yourself and the family and friends of alcoholics forum on this site worth looking into.
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Old 08-04-2017, 10:59 AM
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Hi and welcome to SR. I feel for you in this situation, I'm sure its not very pleasant. I'm afraid that there is probably not much that can be done if he himself doesn't want to get help, regardless of the money. Wish you the best.
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Old 08-04-2017, 02:52 PM
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How does one come to realization that they need to stop? He's gone through a lot due to his drinking. 2 girlfriends left him, lost his job, 3 dui's, and got a head injury from a fall due to drinking that almost took his life. I just can't wait around and watch him kill himself. There is nothing that can be done? You guys really believe convincing him to go to therapy will not help him? Please help
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Old 08-04-2017, 05:50 PM
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I'm so sorry for what brings you here and I can tell you care very much about your brother and want to help. You may also want to check out the forum here for friends and family of alcoholics. I've found a lot of comfort and good advice there.
My husband is an active alcoholic not in recovery and I suspect his relationship with alcohol pre-dates me by at least 10 years (we've been married for 9 and have a young child). Like your brother in the last few years he's lost three jobs, had his income cut by half, harmed his professional reputation , his health is poor and refuses to go to the doctor or dentist, lost interest in his hobbies, spends little time with me and our child, cut off contact with healthy friends and family, takes his anger all out on me, marriage has suffered, debts are building, been in several car accidents, etc etc and now I am soon filing for divorce despite attempts at marriage counseling. Truly there's nothing anyone can do if they don't want to get sober and stay sober. He's been to rehab once last year but left after 3 weeks and never followed up with outpatient or therapy. He tried aa but when the step work got too emotionally intense he relapsed. I believe he does desire a different life deep down but he's scared and ashamed and not able to cope with emotions. Even if you tried to get him to go to therapy it probably wouldn't help if he wasn't willing to do the hard work that goes into it.
It sounds like you may need to let go. Try a support group or the friends and family forum, work through your own feelings about this and surround yourself with support, just like the brave men and women on this forum who are working on their own sobriety.
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Old 08-04-2017, 06:07 PM
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Hi Abmis

noones saying you shouldn't try to convince your brother to do the things best for him - but if he's not ready to stop drinking, you'll have to be prepared for that.

AlAnon talks about the three Cs:

If you've not been to AlAnon it's something to consider.

You need support too and you'll find it there.

We also have a Family and Friends forum here at SR as well
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 08-04-2017, 06:13 PM
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It is hard to be around active addicts. I suffer as well these days. My addict coworker is ticking piece of unexploded ordnance.

Once the trust is lost, each time the addict shows up drunk it is a nightmare of potential explosive behavior.

It is traumatic.

I have been avoiding him for the most part and so seems to work.

But, I am confident Monday will bring another day of inconsistent hung over behavior.

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