SDH73

Some of you may remember me, I was here quite a bit back in 2015.
I was able to string together some good months of sobriety back then but I've not been able to repeat that relative success since. In the last year I think 30 days was my best, with a few strings of a week or two.

I'm not an every day drinker, I binge for a day or three then spend a few days recovering.

I'm back to give this another go. I've been going it alone without even letting friends (of which I have few) know that this is an issue for me. I need to be held accountable.

The "good year" 2015 cleared my head some and taught me a lot and I've been able to make some steps toward a new life since then, work promotions (= more $), and a new business venture with a good friend.

This summer (which is my off season at my job) was suppose to be about investing much time and effort into positive life goals. Unfortunately, I've not been able to string together any meaningful sober time for that to happen.

So, yeah, here I am. I have not put much thought into my plan yet. It's only 3 days since my last binge and I'm not thinking clearly. For now my plan is to get through this withdrawal bit. Stay positive.

I've been reading here a good bit over the last couple of months but have remained quiet because...I don't know. Maybe after all this time I'm afraid of being accountable.

I guess it's too late to not be long-winded but I thought an update was in order if I'm going to work my way back in here.

Thanks for reading.

Mummyto2

Welcome back, great decision good luck

doggonecarl

Pretty slim plan. Don't wait too long to bolster it. Because I'm sure your addiction isn't sitting on its hands.

Nowsthetime

I remember you!

Welcome back. What were you doing before that worked and were did it go wrong?

I'm glad you are back, we are here to support you.

dwtbd

Good to see you back, what's your plan for future alcohol use ?

SDH73

Thanks everybody. The small amount of success I had before was with RR. I'm going to need a combination of things, I think.

First, I plan to be here daily. Kind of think I need to come clean with my friend/partner and let him know this is a problem for me, hope he gets it. I could really use some real life support, you know?

As I said, a couple of years ago I made some progress with things that I'd been wanting to do but couldn't while drinking so much. Unfortunately, I then spent 2016 learning to integrate those things while drinking. So from the outside it may seem to some that I've "come a long way" but I realize that this is going to continue to hold me back. And I can't say definitively, but I swear the hangovers and detoxes are worse. I wander around my apartment mumbling "I'm dying" some days. That can't be good.

SDH73

I have no plan for future alcohol use. None in my home.

Nonsensical

Welcome back.

Plant more roses.

SDH73

Wow, a lot of the same faces! That's encouraging.

Yup, more roses. And take care of them, too. I feel that some of my current roses are in grave danger.

Mummyto2

Introduction to SMART Recovery® could try this

SDH73

I haven't looked in to SMART, but I will definitely do so. Thanks for the suggestion.

Nonsensical

I have a plan for no future alcohol use.

tealily

SDH, so glad to meet you and hear you are back. It sounds like you know it has to be a permanent change now.

I'm fairly new "out" here, but I've been lurking since before 2015. It wasn't until I posted here and acknowledged to my family that alcohol was completely off the table for me that I turned a corner. I "tried" to quit for years, or "moderate" or "cut back". It never worked. Until now, when I realized I can't "try" any more. I have to just DO IT.

I also realized it was not about "depriving" myself of alcohol (wine in my case), but "choosing" a new healthier life.. getting the old me back, and then some. It's a new way of thinking of it. I focus on all the good things I'm gaining by not drinking. Not what I've lost (which is nothing but poison and heartache).

Great that you've gotten rid of what you have. Don't buy any. Don't order any. Don't touch it, don't pour it, don't swallow it. It's time.

Sorry to ramble on my first reply to you. So glad you are here!

SDH73

Nice to meet you tealily.

I do feel like I need "come out" though I don't have many people to come out to.
My good friend/business partner in particular, though, should understand that I won't be able to drink and be a productive business partner. And not a particularly good friend, either. I skipped a trip to a casino with him because I figured the only things to do there would be drink and gamble. So I stayed home and drank alone instead.

My last real attempt to quit (as opposed to just taking a few weeks off) I was fairly noncommittal to the people in my life, I would just say I was taking time off. That's probably enough with work colleagues and such, but not for people I'll be spending
significant time with.

Wholesome

Welcome back SDH! I remember you from 2015, I was trying to get sober back then too and I couldn't make it stick. I came back 5 months ago, stopped trying and started doing. Made my BP and didn't look back. You can do it too! Onward!

Dee74

Welcome back SDH

D

Hevyn

Great to have you with us once again, SDH. We're here to encourage you and help in any way we can.

SDH73

Late night check in. Thanks for the welcome back Zen, Dee, and Hevyn.

This was day 3 for me so I know I'll probably start sleeping a little better from here on out. Working through the weekend so I know I'll be able to arrive at Sunday sober. Then my dreaded three day weekend of Sunday Monday Tuesday off. I have a ton of work to be done at home so I can stay busy, but of course that hasn't stopped me from drinking recently. My resolve and SR will get me through that, then I'll be back to work. So I don't see it being a day to day battle for now, but I will be working on putting a plan together in the next few days. After a week or ten days sober it will be more of a challenge, I think. But what do I know? I have thought I had it figured out before.

Hevyn

Those first 3 days are killer, but you made it through. I hope you can get a good rest.

SDH73

Another late night check in. Day four is done. So tomorrow is day 5, generally the first day that I feel okay after a binge. That'll be nice.

But there's a weirdness that sets in. Like not feeling quite comfortable in one's own skin/mind. I suppose that's a byproduct of having spent such a high ratio of drunk/hungover days to sober days. Autopilot shuts off and I'll have to think and act for myself. Pink cloud moments mingled with "wth am I going to do" moments.

Not sure how long that lasts because I haven't made it past 2 weeks and change in quite a while. Probably a month would be my guess. I'm not putting a timeline on it, just sort of thinking through the keyboard.

Looking forward to my day off sunday when I can spend a few hours rereading some of the books I purchased back when I was last here and serious about quitting. All of my old tools are rusty and broken so I'll need a new toolbox.

Feeling humbled. And SMH at my own arrogance. Thought I had it all figured out in a few months of sobriety. Then thinking it'll be fine if I just keep the drinking down to a dull roar. Clearly I have no idea.

Well, that's about enough pointless babbling for one night. More will come, I'm sure.