loulou1981

Welcome back SDH, i had a 6 month sober stint end if 2015 beginning of 2016, unfortunately im also back at the start, day 12 for me, we csn do it this time!!!!!

Keep coming here, u know it works wonders!!

SDH73

Day 10 check in. 3 day weekend was a success. Got much done. Been working on my RR technique, shutting down the AV.

I decided that I would take a weekly photo of myself, thinking that down the road it will be interesting to go back and watch my physical transformation. I was pretty horrified by my one week photo. Still blotchy red spots on my face, bloated, watery eyes. My bathroom mirror is a liar! Funny thing is, after a couple of days without drinking I always think I'm looking pretty good, but I guess that's only in comparison to the mess I am during and directly following a big ol' binge.

Anyway, vanity aside, I feel pretty good. Sleep is still iffy, but at least I am sleeping. Trying to eat well, salads and veggies, high fiber. So far haven't experienced any of the (ahem!) digestive issues that I usually deal with after a few days off the bottle.

That's about it for now. Probably check in again around the two week mark.

Dee74

use us as much as you need to SDH. You'll get back every bit of effort you put in to your recovery.

D

SDH73

Thanks, Dee. I do come here daily to read and remind myself of my situation. Just not a lot to say these days.

Sometimes I think I should post more on others' threads but there are so many good and wise people here with solid sobriety who dish up really great advice and support. I don't want to speak just for the sake of speaking.

I feel okay for the time being. Solid, strong in my resolve. I don't want to bump my little thread here in front of anyone who's really in need of immediate support.

Thank you for your continued support.

Dee74

I wouldn't underestimate the power of your words to connect with someone else SDH - ya never know...

D

Algorithm

What do you mean by 'shutting down' the AV?

AVRT is not so much about 'shutting down' the Addictive Voice, as if it were an irrational belief that can be disputed away, but about living comfortably with residual addictive desire. The AV is simply the expression of that desire, and the idea in AVRT is to recognize the AV, and then to disassociate from it, by attributing it to an entity other than self -- the Beast.

IT struggles, IT desires, IT craves, IT suffers from deprivation.

Too bad for the Beast, no?

The Beast is a quadriplegic, and IT needs you to survive. All that IT can do is to 'bark' AV at you and hope that you fail to recognize the smoke and mirrors, come to believe that ITs desires are your own, that ITs suffering is your own, and then feed IT that precious ethanol.

There is a lot of AV in your posts, suggesting the possibility of more drinking, but I won't venture to point it out, at least at this juncture. I will simply suggest that you welcome the AV as if nothing were wrong. Do not fear it.

Once recognized, it will lose its power. You control the peripherals (hands, feet, mouth). Picture a chained dog across the street that barks at you, but can't actually get loose to bite.

Beast = Addictive desire. Sometimes used synonymously with Addictive Voice (AV), but more accurately, the appetite or desire for substance-induced pleasure.

AV = Any thinking or feeling which supports, suggests, or directs your possible future use of alcohol and other drugs.

Bark → Dog = AV → Beast

The AV is the 'bark' of the Beast. Smoke and mirrors. An illusion of personal powerlessness.

Have you read the Rational Recovery book?

Consider reading through the many threads on AVRT in the secular connections forum here on SR. They may help you solidify your understanding of the technique.

Leebo93

Nope it's gonna stop this time have someone keep an eye on you or check in somewhere that's ur only hope DO not hesitate to call 911 at this point alcohol DTs can easily kill u all of a sudden when u feel like nothings going to happen , it killed me and I didn't even get the shakes

SDH73

Leebo, I appreciate your concern. If I begin to feel at all unwell in a medical sense I will seek help. Thanks. Hope you're doing well!

Algorithm, I have read RR, though it was a couple of years ago. I've been revisiting the lessons I learned from it, like separating any thoughts of drinking and looking at them with some detachment, then dismissing them. From your post I can see that I've a ways to go in my AVRT skills. Thank you for the reminder. Be well, friend!

SDH73

Checking in here at the end of day 15.

Still not a whole lot to report. I've been feeling really tired for the last week or so (to be expected) so I allowed myself to sleep in today. Felt pretty good, but now it's 2:30 in the AM and I don't feel sleepy at all. I work primarily nights so I don't have to be up early, but I do like to get out of bed at a decent time so I can get stuff done during the day before work. Oh, well. It'll work itself out with time, I reckon.

Been keeping very busy. Haven't made any time to just relax since my day 1. Luckily, part of my being very busy is doing something I love working toward some longterm goals. So it doesn't really feel like work, though it is very time consuming.

Drinking thoughts are coming daily, but not frequently. Usually once or twice, dismissed, and it's over. The AV is playing the long game, though. Like: "sure, take a couple of months off from drinking. Get a ton of work done, lose some weight, get things a little more together, then see where you are." That kind of stuff. Not so much the immediate: "you have tomorrow off from work, drink today, then you have all day tomorrow to recover" brand of AV.

That's about it for now. I suspect that as I get into counting months rather than days the AV will begin throwing hissy fits. At the moment I feel pretty good and solid. I'd been taking a week or two off here and there over the last couple of years anyway, so 15 days doesn't feel like a big deal. But what's that they say? Something about a journey...1000 miles...single step? Just keep stepping.

Hope everyone reading this is well. Best to all on their own 1000 mile journeys!

Dee74

congrats on day 15

D