Linners820

Hi all. I've been coming to the realization for some time now that I have a problem with alcohol. My habit started as a way to de-stress when I came home from work, about 4 years ago. Just a couple of drinks to mellow me out, here and there, on rough days. The last 2 years, I feel that the frequency and amount of my drinking has gotten out of hand. I like to drink at home, usually by myself, and it seems that more often than not lately once I get started, I'm unable to stop. The next day the hangover brings excessive guilt, panic and anxiety, which totally negates the reason I drink in the first place--to feel good and as a way to help deal with my anxiety disorder. I end up abstaining for a couple of days and then get the bright idea to drink again.
I don't drink every day and when out in social situations sometimes I simply don't feel like drinking so I don't. The problem when I decide to drink at home and just end up getting hammered. I start feeling so happy and relaxed and don't want the feeling to leave so I just keep drinking, never intending to get as drunk as I do.
I'm concerned about myself, as well as ashamed and embarrassed.

teaorcoffee

Welcome. Sounds like a lot of us.
We're all been pretty much in the same boat, and are now at different stages of getting out.

loulou1981

Hi Linners...welcome!! Very similar story, im 10 days in now, stick with it, keep reading & postimg here. We know how u feel

Butterfly2017

Hi! I can relate.....totally. This is my day 1. Like, my 12th one. But I'm not giving up! We can do this!

nova84

Again...A LOT of similarities with my own experience Linners820. I've been sober since the end of May this year. Now I find other ways to relax and unwind after work; cooking, Netflix, checking in here, dinner with friends, last night I did some anxiety meditation, writing my day's gratitude list, emailing my sobriety mentor. Wishing you well on your recovery journey x

Linners820

Thanks for your comments. I've kind of been crying off and on all day, partly because I'm hungover and feel like crap, but because I'm in a fairly new relationship with someone and he doesn't know the extent of my drinking. I'm planning to talk to him and tell him about it tonight, and my stomach is in knots. I'm worried what he'll think of me, I guess. But he needs to know. I've already said things to him when under the influence, that weren't very nice, so I'd like to apologize and offer my explanation, because I'm going to need his support.

tealily

So glad you are here. Welcome.
Realizing that alcohol is causing you problems and seeking help is the first step.

I can also relate. I also was a secret, at home drinker, looking back now, "self medicating" myself for anxiety. All it does it make anxiety and depression worse. Each morning I'd wake up feeling horrible, would swear to myself I wouldn't drink that day, and then give in when night came around. Wasting half the day feeling horrible. Ovre and over, repeat. My life getting smaller, my health, motivation and looks declining. It's no way to live.

I'm now alcohol free for over two months, and life is so much better in every way.

Read around here, post and ask questions. You can make this your turning point!

Georgie123

Hi
I totally resonate with this. One of the reasons I want this quit is that I was getting drunk at home more often. Sometimes I'll be dr img home from work and I'd be feeling a bit low, then I thought of buying a bottle of wine and I'd get a wave of excitment, like something to look forward to. I'd them get drunk and get a kind of euphoric feeling whilst doing it, almost on a real high, excited my things, listen to music etc..etc...THEN.....I'd wake up, sometimes on the sofa, sometimes in bed, usually st 3 in the morning feeling so bad, alone, guilty, ashamed, loathing myself not to mention the fact that I had to go to work with the worst hangover ever. I've been doing lots of reading on overcoming alcohol addiction and the following really resonated with me:
'consider the analogy of alcohol as a loan shark, a particularly spiteful and greedy one. The loan shark doesn't deal in money but feelings or unhappiness. And like any good loan shark, it will always, alway take much more than it gives'
Thanks for sharing your story, you are not alone

Linners820

[QUOTE=Georgie123;6559938]Hi
I totally resonate with this. One of the reasons I want this quit is that I was getting drunk at home more often. Sometimes I'll be dr img home from work and I'd be feeling a bit low, then I thought of buying a bottle of wine and I'd get a wave of excitment, like something to look forward to. I'd them get drunk and get a kind of euphoric feeling whilst doing it, almost on a real high, excited my things, listen to music etc..etc...THEN.....I'd wake up, sometimes on the sofa, sometimes in bed, usually st 3 in the morning feeling so bad, alone, guilty, ashamed, loathing myself not to mention the fact that I had to go to work with the worst hangover ever.

Yes, this my experience too, almost exactly except I like vodka lol. I know that excitement and euphoric feeling you're talking about all too well...it's like I instantly feel ten times happier and more positive, relaxed, outgoing, friendly. Sometimes I'll go in my art studio and mess around in there while drinking, sometimes I'll get on the phone and start talking to friends, and more often than not end up overdoing it big time.

I feel a tiny bit hopeful though, as disgusted as I am with myself, because I'm at least recognizing there's a problem that needs to be addressed.

Jezzi

hi linners. Vodka was my drink of choice as well. That cheap 1.75 Liter of Popov would last me only 4 days. Drinking was literally the highlight of my day, until the end when it was just a chore. Today is my 4th day and I will tell you that this site will help you tremendously. We're all in the same boat and going through it together

Carpathia

Hi Linners. I'm glad to read your post.

I'm right there with you and all the others. I initially undertook drinking to ease social anxiety, but towards the end it was just me and the alcohol. It didn't matter who else was around. I wasn't drinking to fit in, I was drinking to escape life.

You'll find lots of support here as well as useful information to help you along your journey.

Linners820

Hi Carpathia and Jezzi. Thanks for your encouragement. Today's been rough, realizing that yes my drinking is quite problematic, and my anxiety level has been through the roof in part because of the lovely hangover I've managed to give myself yet again. Hoping for a better tomorrow.

PhoenixJ

welcome

Purplrks3647

Welcome, Linners! I, too, can relate to your story of needing that "liquid courage." Glad to have you here with us!

(Thanks Georgie for sharing that 'loan shark' analogy....that is so sadly true!)

Hevyn

Hi Linners - I'm so glad to meet you.

I remember long ago, loving the feeling of calmness that would come over me when I had that first drink. I used it to cope with stress too. There was no way to know that years later I'd be drinking every day - totally dependent on it to get by. None of us set out to sabotage ourselves. We can't know in advance that we won't be social drinkers. Please don't feel ashamed. You're here with us, and we all understand.

loulou1981

How ru feeling today Linners??

Dee74

Welcome again Linners

D

Linners820

Hi LouLou, thanks for asking...managed to tell the bf my situation and he was glad I told him and said he wants to help me however he can. I felt very relieved, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and slept well last night. This morning though, had some more tears. Feeling emotional. I know it's a combination of things--I posted a new thread about this earlier but the anniversary of a couple deaths are coming up so I have a hard time with August/September in general. Also just some good old PMS too, I'm the classic hormonal basket case some months.

I have some family coming for a visit this wknd and started cleaning up the house a little, and while doing so came across some empty bottles that I had hidden and forgotten about. Felt gross and once again disgusted, but I'm trying to view that disgust as a positive sign and not beat myself up.