Hope
 

It's difficult to find the positive in breaking your sobriety. I'm certainly not encouraging it. Something was different this time with drinking. The familiar feeling of numbing myself did not feel like relief. In fact, it repulsed me. I didn't like the familiar feeling and it did not make me want more. I couldn't even stay awake soon after I started drinking.

When I woke up I felt sick and immediately poured the remaining down the sink. I wasn't sobered up, but it was like I knew I didn't want anymore and it was time to go home and start again. I don't know why I drank to begin with, but there was nothing there for me. For the first time instead of wanting more, I wanted to stop.

Something has changed in my thinking. My mind has reacted differently to it. I couldn't see how much had changed until I had that drink and now I see there have been more changes within me than I realized.

This week I will have a sponsor and a plan in place. I know this is what I want and I realize I am different now. Alcohol does not hold any value to me and I think I proved that this past weekend. Things are changing and for the better.

Giraffegirl,

I am glad you have been able to find the positive and motivation in what happened. It's good you have a plan for how to stop and stay stopped.

Hope you have turned the corner!

People ask me if I have a higher power. It was predicted that if my burns, caused from a blackout did not kill me- then I had permanent Korsavf's donot have. They said I was an incurable alcoholic- a gutter variety, pathetic person. I am not. They were specialists in their fields with hundreds and thousands plus of hours of expertise. They were my family who disowned me as I was toxic. They were all wrong. I am alive and fiercely embracing every joy, every pain and new day.
The answer to all of theses- the why and how? Simples...


hope.

Giraffe,
Yes! That is exactly what it has been this last time for me.
Thinking of drinking now insights those pesky pangs of anxiety that withdrawling once caused.
I am actually scared of a drink.
GL,
Jules

Hope is a wonderful thing, I am so glad you are here and posting today.

That feeling that was different, that is your heart recognizing drink isn't good medicine any longer.....rather it caused a feeling of betrayal. Been there....it certainly helped my resolved.