fgo

Tealily,
That was pefect. love to smile reading through the theads. I loved reading Dr Seuss to my boys.

tealily

I memorized so many books from reading to my three kids! Now the wine version is going to stick in my head.. Maybe not such a bad thing.

2ndhandrose

I do not drink wine, beer or booze.
I will not drink them, so I choose.

I will not drink them in the house,
I will not drink them with a mouse.
I will not drink wine, booze or beer,
I will not drink them, that is clear.

I will not drink them in a bar.
I will not drink them in a car.
I will not drink ANY wine,
I will not drink it, any time.

That is brilliant, tealily

This whole thread is fantastic

herculana

Hey All...

This thread turned into a thing of deep beauty. WOW.

Thank you to everyone who commented. I am having a hard time keeping up with everyones replies...

The prayer shared here by BB was enormous.

My mother, BTW, is paranoid schizophrenic. She was a homeless person for many years of my childhood and early adulthood. Her mental illness is quite severe... She believes she is, literally, the Lamb of God.

So... that's what I mean by "complicated."

I need to let lots of what was said here sink in.

But I will share my post this morning in my womens group, here... To keep my progress updated.

I wrote it this morning:

The best laid plans of mice and vesuvious.

Sheesh [frown]

I get caught up in the plans (as I discussed yesterday; The Tyranny of Plans) and then I feel enormous pressure to follow through. And then if I dont do them I feel terrible.

But it doesnt look like I will be able to do yoga today. We shall see.

Yesterday I got a rare migraine... it was not insanely painful, but it was something that wore on my nerves for hours. I usually know the cause of a headache (and I dont eat sugar much at all because I get headaches from it). Yesterday I had no idea why I had a headache.

Then I tried to sleep last night and I had a HELLUVA time... tossing, turning, headache, restless leg syndrome... all of those fun things. It occurred to me at that point that I wasnt quite right ... That it felt like the beginning of some sort of sickness.

Woke up this morning to malaise once again. Unmistakably unwell. My body seems to be demanding rest from me. Demanding that I comply.

Its very frustrating and I am insecure that Tom wont get it, and that he may believe I am faking it. He is giving me NO indication that he doesnt believe me... But I am so sick of the cycles I go through, and I am sick of how he's come to know me. Someone who was so often hungover, grumpy, lacking in energy.

This is mostly my projection, though, since he doesnt seem to see me that way at all. He is so ... almost INFINITELY accepting loving and understanding.

I am just SO ANXIOUS to get my wings again... To be on the BALL again. To have an orderly, clean home as the rule... as the normal.. again. To feel strong and stretchy again (yoga).

Today I must take all the pressure of myself again, and rest, and read my new books that address my issues with alcohol, etc.

Just rest and take it super easy.


UPDATE: I wrote all of that an hour ago... I am feeling much better now. Moving around helped me... Still not 100% but far better than I was upon waking.

Tom is staying home this morning longer than usual. I made us a super yummy breakfast. The windows are open. Nice breeze coming through. We did some financial planning because these next two months are going to be tight.

Its been a nice, calm, hangover free morning.

The stability that was so sorely lacking in my life FOR YEARS is coming in now... and its so very welcome, and I can finally, after years of drama and rollercoasters... I can finally appreciate what I HAVE.


The motivation to get sober is because, quite simply, I want to be stable and happy as the normal default setting. I want to be present to my loved ones. I want to be reliable for myself and others. I want simple happiness again. The pleasure of a healthy well functioning mind and body.

I KNOW in my bones that I can have this.

I have touched upon it before, I know its possible.

ReadyAtLast

This is so wow! I love this, thank you. It resonates with me and I will keep thinking about it. No more waking up uncertain or ill. Peace of mind, serenity and stability as the norm.

Berrybean

Haha. It is a miracle of sobriety is that my name and the word eloquent are used together. Especially on a day where I got a parking ticket and fine! Lol

Love the poem. BB