I need help!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
ugnius, it reads like youre looking for a miracle drug/potion that will magically make you not drink. it reads like you want to magically not want to drink.
theres no sober fairy that spinkles dust over us and we instantly dont want to drink.
nope, impatient rehab wont work if you expect someone else to keep you from drinking, a pill to stop you, or not have to put in the footwork.
getting and staying sober requires action. it requires footwork on OUR part.
rehab gives the tools to help a person live life on lifes terms. those tools dont do anything until WE use them.
its like building a house- i can have all the materials sitting there and all the tools.
the lumber doesnt cut itself, nails dont get driven in themselves,shingles, get laid themselves, wiring get ran itself, drywall get hung itself, tile get installed itself.
it all just sits there until I grab the tools and use them- when i grab the saw and start cutting and hammer to start driving nails, walls get built. when I hump the shingles onto the roof, the use the hammer and nails to lay the shingles( and knife to cut them to length when necessary) the roof gets completed.
when i lift the drywall into place, then grab my drill to screw it in place, the drywall gets hung. when i grab the drill and drill all the runs for wiring, then start pulling it, the wiring gets done. when i grab my tile saw, mix up some mud, get cutting tiles and spreading mud, the tile gets laid.
because i grabbed the tools and got into action.
until then, the tools just sat there as did the pile of disassembled house in my yard.
that pile can sit there and i could NEED to get into action building
but when i WANTED to get the house built and got into action, it got built.
theres no sober fairy that spinkles dust over us and we instantly dont want to drink.
nope, impatient rehab wont work if you expect someone else to keep you from drinking, a pill to stop you, or not have to put in the footwork.
getting and staying sober requires action. it requires footwork on OUR part.
rehab gives the tools to help a person live life on lifes terms. those tools dont do anything until WE use them.
its like building a house- i can have all the materials sitting there and all the tools.
the lumber doesnt cut itself, nails dont get driven in themselves,shingles, get laid themselves, wiring get ran itself, drywall get hung itself, tile get installed itself.
it all just sits there until I grab the tools and use them- when i grab the saw and start cutting and hammer to start driving nails, walls get built. when I hump the shingles onto the roof, the use the hammer and nails to lay the shingles( and knife to cut them to length when necessary) the roof gets completed.
when i lift the drywall into place, then grab my drill to screw it in place, the drywall gets hung. when i grab the drill and drill all the runs for wiring, then start pulling it, the wiring gets done. when i grab my tile saw, mix up some mud, get cutting tiles and spreading mud, the tile gets laid.
because i grabbed the tools and got into action.
until then, the tools just sat there as did the pile of disassembled house in my yard.
that pile can sit there and i could NEED to get into action building
but when i WANTED to get the house built and got into action, it got built.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 39
Thank you all so much for the great advice!
I am in a reharb facility (more like a pshych ward) as of yesterday.
It is soooooo hard!
Please, if you have found a way how to stop drinking (as I had), never ever pick up again!! Please!
3 years a ago detox was simple and easy, but now I think I literally am gonna die (with all the medication, still)!
I am in a reharb facility (more like a pshych ward) as of yesterday.
It is soooooo hard!
Please, if you have found a way how to stop drinking (as I had), never ever pick up again!! Please!
3 years a ago detox was simple and easy, but now I think I literally am gonna die (with all the medication, still)!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: 45th Parallel, Michigan
Posts: 816
They will definitely not let you die! You're in the right place. Remember this excruciating detox experience, the memory will help you with your future. Hang tough, you're getting well...congratulations!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Are you still in rehab? They will have seen people in the same state, and probably worse. They will be looking out for you. This WILL pass. Not necessarily pleasantly, but it will pass, and you will have a fresh start because of it. Like birthing pains, but you're giving birth to a new you.
There are lots of AA resources online that you can draw on when you're feeling slightly better. Plenty of speakers online to listen to as well... https://www.recoveryaudio.org/
Wishing you all the best for this detoxing stage, and your future sobriety and long-term recovery.
Stay close. We're rooting for ya.
BB
There are lots of AA resources online that you can draw on when you're feeling slightly better. Plenty of speakers online to listen to as well... https://www.recoveryaudio.org/
Wishing you all the best for this detoxing stage, and your future sobriety and long-term recovery.
Stay close. We're rooting for ya.
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 39
Yes, i'm still in rehab with (i guess it's) called intrusive thouhts.
Mostly guilt about what I have done to my 15 month old son. He was supposed to spend amazing July with his mommy. Instead, he got shipped of to grandma's and mommy kept on drinking
(
I feel so guilty that I am in tears.....
Mostly guilt about what I have done to my 15 month old son. He was supposed to spend amazing July with his mommy. Instead, he got shipped of to grandma's and mommy kept on drinking
(I feel so guilty that I am in tears.....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
You are doing this for yourself so that you can be the best mother you can be going forwards. In the meantime he is safe and being cared for, as are you. It may be tough but you are now doing the right thing. Don't lose sight of that xx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
To a degree the anxiety is par for the course at this stage and there is little they can do FOR you to alleviate that. This is not something that is possible to do in a comfortable and painless way. That's why you're in there doing it safely rather than doing it yourself at home and putting yourself at serious risk. I suppose their concern at the moment is a safe detox, and when you are able to think clearly enough, then they might be better able to counsel you. Trouble is, if we're not thinking clearly in that first week or so we are hardly in a possition to start challenging our old thinking and learning new thinking. Have yoy asked them what happens next in the process?
You could try ...
breathing exercises when panic attacks come over you.
reading and posting on here more
listening to recovery speakers on youtube (search on youtube for AA speaker) Recoveryaudio.org seems to be down at this moment, but worth checking that site later for speakers to listen to.
writing a gratitude list (and reading it back to yourself if and when self-pitying thoughts waft in)
Writing down ways that alcohol has made your life unmanageble / affected your life negatively - thinking about relationships / jobs / crimes / family & pets / money / self-respect and integrity (This will be really useful later when your AV is kicking in telling you a million and one reasons why drinking would be a fine and dandy choice.)
Maybe you will be able to do one or two or the things above. But, chances are that a lot of them might sound simple enough, but actually doing them will seem pretty impossible just now. If that is the case then that is why the rehab facility is just focussing on your detox for now. They see hundreds of people like yourself going through this, and probably have a very good idea of when its worth leaving well alone and when it might be time to start counselling. Perhaps you could adjust your expectations a little to include inevitable anxiety and discomfort as part of the process.
Stick with it. You're in the right place to get past the dangerous stages of detoxin order to get you Sober. Then will come the longer job - Recovery. And that will be work that YOU, have to do. Nobody can do that bit for us.
Wishing you all the best for your medicated detox, leading to Sobriety and your Recovery.
BB
You could try ...
breathing exercises when panic attacks come over you.
reading and posting on here more
listening to recovery speakers on youtube (search on youtube for AA speaker) Recoveryaudio.org seems to be down at this moment, but worth checking that site later for speakers to listen to.
writing a gratitude list (and reading it back to yourself if and when self-pitying thoughts waft in)
Writing down ways that alcohol has made your life unmanageble / affected your life negatively - thinking about relationships / jobs / crimes / family & pets / money / self-respect and integrity (This will be really useful later when your AV is kicking in telling you a million and one reasons why drinking would be a fine and dandy choice.)
Maybe you will be able to do one or two or the things above. But, chances are that a lot of them might sound simple enough, but actually doing them will seem pretty impossible just now. If that is the case then that is why the rehab facility is just focussing on your detox for now. They see hundreds of people like yourself going through this, and probably have a very good idea of when its worth leaving well alone and when it might be time to start counselling. Perhaps you could adjust your expectations a little to include inevitable anxiety and discomfort as part of the process.
Stick with it. You're in the right place to get past the dangerous stages of detoxin order to get you Sober. Then will come the longer job - Recovery. And that will be work that YOU, have to do. Nobody can do that bit for us.
Wishing you all the best for your medicated detox, leading to Sobriety and your Recovery.
BB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Ugnius 
Thanks again for the support.
The anxiety is unbearable (Day 4 here). They give me a bunch of meds, and they do nothing. I'm so discouraged
The anxiety is unbearable (Day 4 here). They give me a bunch of meds, and they do nothing. I'm so discouraged
rehabs(which i havent heard of one allowing internet access) teach actions. rehabs start the process of looking at underlying issues.
its your responsability to learn and do the action both there and after.
its going to take T.I.M.E.
Things I Must Earn.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 39
Thanks!
It's not a rehab in a typical sense, we don't have them here in my country (I guess).
It's more like a psych ward, I may come and go as I please.
(For instance there are 2 grocery stores in a walking distance, that sell alcohol....)
So basically everything is up to me, my motivation.
It's not a rehab in a typical sense, we don't have them here in my country (I guess).
It's more like a psych ward, I may come and go as I please.
(For instance there are 2 grocery stores in a walking distance, that sell alcohol....)
So basically everything is up to me, my motivation.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Ugnius
Thanks!
It's not a rehab in a typical sense, we don't have them here in my country (I guess).
It's more like a psych ward, I may come and go as I please.
(For instance there are 2 grocery stores in a walking distance, that sell alcohol....)
So basically everything is up to me, my motivation.
It's not a rehab in a typical sense, we don't have them here in my country (I guess).
It's more like a psych ward, I may come and go as I please.
(For instance there are 2 grocery stores in a walking distance, that sell alcohol....)
So basically everything is up to me, my motivation.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Ugnius
Thanks!
So basically everything is up to me, my motivation.
So basically everything is up to me, my motivation.
EVERYTHING is up to you INCLUDING recovery.
get yer arse to a meeting. inquire about a big book while there,too.
I'm a big fan of the guitar. I love that damn instrument. - Steve Vai
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 46
Let me just add that it can get better if you persist. You have a more difficult time of it as you already said due to having used Xanax (a benzodiazepine) while drinking. Typical detox involves Valium or Ativan as they are the benzodiazepines that stay the longest in your system. Detox from Alcohol is tough and some say that detox from Xanax is tougher and you are doing both. You may not feel the relaxing effect of the benzodiazepine they are giving you but it is keeping you from the most dangerous aspects of detox. Stay with it; it will get better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 39
Just an update....
Today is Day 8, detox is over, anxiety is almost gone (with a bunch of other meds they ar giving me).
But the cravings are awful
My husband and dad have cleared the house of all possible alcohol and are with me on the wagon (my dad was never a problem drinker but my husband is).
I guess it's healthy and good for me, but in my mind I'm planning the next relapse which is impossible as they are watching me so closely.
How sick is that - just finished detox and planning the next drink??
Please tell me it gets better with time... from my previous experience (2.5 years sober) I kinda remember that initially it was really tough, but now I feel like a prisoner in my own mind....
Today is Day 8, detox is over, anxiety is almost gone (with a bunch of other meds they ar giving me).
But the cravings are awful
My husband and dad have cleared the house of all possible alcohol and are with me on the wagon (my dad was never a problem drinker but my husband is).
I guess it's healthy and good for me, but in my mind I'm planning the next relapse which is impossible as they are watching me so closely.
How sick is that - just finished detox and planning the next drink??
Please tell me it gets better with time... from my previous experience (2.5 years sober) I kinda remember that initially it was really tough, but now I feel like a prisoner in my own mind....
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